Interview responses – I will be so unbelievable in this job

“Thank you sir for coming in for the interview,” said the interviewer.

“You are welcome. I just want to tell you that I love your organization, but recognize you have many problems,” said the interviewee.

“That is true. We do. Tell me what you have observed,” said the interviewer.

“Well, you are no longer a great company, but I can fix that. I will negotiate better deals and I will kick out the riff-raff, the folks who are leeches.”

“How will you do that?” asked the interviewer.

“Easy, those who are leeches and don’t belong here. I will kick them out. I won’t let in those other folks, either.  And, those other companies do not stand a chance when I tell them what I want in a deal.”

“How will you identify and pay for getting rid of people? What about the ones here that see you do this? And, how will you negotiate with our trading partners?” asked the interviewer.

“I will be so unbelievable in this job. Every one wants me in this job.”

“But, sir you did not tell me how you would do this. How would you be unbelievable in this job?” asked the interviewer, a little more irritated.

“My experience has made me a lot of money. I am so successful that I am wanted everywhere. You are lucky I am talking with your company.”

“Sir, you still did not answer my question. But, since you brought it up, you have led four enterprises that filed for bankruptcy. That seems to be an awful lot. Plus, you seem to be vey litigious and are in court a lot. Can you explain that?” asked the interviewer.

“Everyone files for bankruptcy, so that is not a problem. I just needed to protect my money. Plus, when people offend me I sue them. I always win.”

“Sir, our company has taken pride in never filing for bankruptcy. To us, it hurts our employees and customers. On the litigation, I know of at least four occasions where you lost court cases and I am sure there are more. Didn’t you try to kick a woman out of her house, but were unsuccessful?” asked the interviewer.

“Well, she was a moron for not wanting to sell me her house. I was going to give her an unbelievable deal and she said no. So, I sued the idiot.”

“Yes, but you lost that case. Didn’t you sue the Scottish government over offshore wind mills and lose that case as well?” asked the interviewer.

“I cannot believe those idiots want to put up those hideous things. Climate change is a hoax, you know, invented by the Chinese to steal our jobs. So, why should those damn Scots be using clean energy like that?” Don’t they know any better?

“Sir, I think we are done here. Thanks for coming in,” said the interviewer.

“Well, when do I start? I can’t wait to do unbelievable things for you.”

“If we need you, we will be in touch,” said the interviewer with a wry smile.

 

Advertisements

11 thoughts on “Interview responses – I will be so unbelievable in this job

  1. Note to Readers:

    A follow-up question before I let you go. You seem to run down your competing job candidates a great deal, stooping to comments about appearance and intelligence. Can you comment on that?

    Absolutely. I am so unbelievable that these folks pale in comparison. One guy is so weak, he even compliments anything I say. He has no spine and is a maniac, unfit for leadership.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s