Early morning musings

The weekend has officially started and I cannot sleep. No, it is not due to the news of the world, which causes sufficient turmoil in its own right. I am just needing closure on many personal events surrounding my mother’s passing, her home being struck by lightning and burning just before we put it on the market, the hopeful sale of my mother-in-law’s farm and helping my sister start anew in a new city, my city.

I am used to having many balls in the air with three kids and past work. That is OK. Now that I am retired, the work part has subsided, to be replaced in small part by volunteer work. Yet, I am not sleeping because of open issues that linger on. Nothing seems to be easy as it should be and I feel I have to be relentlessly diplomatic and patient. I have come across some wonderful people to help, but sometimes the process is more complex than needed.

Yet, checking some boxes on long lists of things to do is more than therapeutic. It provides closure that would allow us to move on from that event or major task. I am fully aware that each of us has issues we must deal with. But, here I sit at 02:54 am, praying that some of those events can be closed soon. I know there are other items waiting to be added to the list. Yet, taking a few large ones off, would be helpful.

With Alzheimer’s, I had to say good-bye to my mother long before she passed. The saving grace is she went before she deteriorated to not recognizing a face on her team. I know some of my blogging friends are dealing or have dealt with these kinds of issues. I wish peace for everyone in resolving the issues they must deal with and their lingering effect. My family and I could use some of that peace as well. Best wishes all. Have a great weekend.




31 thoughts on “Early morning musings

  1. So here I sit at 3:53am doing the same thing, trying to figure out next steps. My 88 year old husband has gone totally blind, I’m pretty disabled at 75 with pain that multiple doctors can’t figure out…so we’re selling our big house and hoping to rent a smaller one closer to daughter and granddaughter because I don’t think I’m ready for a little senior apartment. What if I’m wrong, what if I’m making the wrong decision or moving into the wrong neighborhood? New doctors, new stores, new roads…..it’s so intimidating that I can’t sleep. Thanks for listening!!! Fran

    • Fran, may we both get better sleep. I think moving closer to your daughter is the right move. I am helping my sister find new doctors, which is new, but gives you a chance to get new opinions and find doctors in close proximity to you. My sister is tending to some put off minor issues with the change.

      As you look for a new place, with your husband, you may want to consider one of those graduated communities, where you live in a town home on the property with some services, if needed. We debate going smaller, but we love our home too much and our master suite is down.

      Good luck on your decisions. See that granddaughter will make up for a lot. All the best, Keith

  2. Keith: Please know that you have many friends and we are all thinking about you and hoping you will pull out of this funk soon. You are always the optimist among and we count on that! Take care, my friend.

  3. Oh no. I didn’t know about your mother passing. I’m so sorry to hear. Also sorry about her house. That is awful 😦 I’m one of your blogging friends whose mother has dementia. I am planning to go see her over Labor Day weekend as I haven’t seen her in over a year now. Every visit is hard because she is mostly “gone”. I called her on her 94th birthday and you can imagine how difficult that is as well. And for the first time in my 57 years, my mother did not wish me a happy birthday. I think my sister forgot to tell her 😦 I wish for you that you’re able to check off some of those items on your list so that you can get some sleep. Boy, don’t I know about insomnia too!! Thinking about you my friend.

    • Toby, many thanks. She died Christmas morning. I am glad she did not have to see her beautiful house largely destroyed. Fortunately, we had begun moving my sister here and my niece got out of the house.

      I feel for you with your mother. It is a hateful disease that punishes the family as well. Best wishes on your visit and thanks for your well wishes, Keith

      • your sister and niece were living in the house that was destroyed?!?!? oh my. so glad they’re okay! Thanks too for your kind words. So hard to see the deterioration…..but I do hope I get to see her again. As you know, grief takes time. I’m still not over my brother’s death last fall. I hope you have good memories to sustain you.

      • Toby, we do have our memories. We had just moved my sister’s car here as it would have been destroyed as that is where the Lightning entered the house. The neighbors were able to rouse my niece as it was 4 am. We were able to salvage some of my sister’s furniture, but everything else was fire, smoke or water damaged. Give your mother a big hug. Keith

  4. Helping your sister adjust presents challenges, yet there are also so many opportunities… it’s so hard to reflect on losses that hit so close to your heart. yet in order to move forward, we have to process them sometimes little by little, and slowly find our way to that inner smile. You’ve been through a lot, as has your entire family. I join the others, and we are all there in spirit to offer support.

      • I’ll always recall my most-challenging year, when event after event domino-ed until I stated to a neighbor, “I don’t think I can take any more.” A few days later, another huge surprise was added… and I realized I could take a lot more…. If you find yourself awake and without reading material, here’s that old post…

        as for when i lost my smile after my father died, one night in sadness i said to God, ‘please take my pain…’ said in brutal honesty and in genuine surrender.. and i realized the next day while driving – that – eureka, i was smiling….

        May you find that smile again soon…


      • Thanks Lisa. More smiles would be good. You are a true friend and offer a good shoulder. We made it through a tough year about six years ago. I hope we can make it through this. Sparing the details, I worry most about my sister which is why she is now close by. Take care amiga. Keith

      • Having a good support system is important, and it appears she’s about to have others lighten her load.. That’s huge, as is prayer, as you well know… Sending strong energy to all of you…

  5. I didn’t realize you were having so many challenges in your life. I’m so sorry about your mother and the loss of her home. My father had dementia, but, thankfully, he continued to “know” all three of his kids up until he died. It was only in his final year, after he fell, broke his hip, and had to leave his home, that he wasn’t happy.

    I hope you are able to get everything – and everyone – settled soon so you are able to enjoy a peaceful sleep again (until you wake up in the middle of the night with the realization of who is in the White House).

  6. I second what Hugh said also. I’m so sorry you are going through so many of these issues … the old saying “when it rains it pours” always seems to fit at times like this, doesn’t it? I have spent many a night awake, chain-smoking my way through yet another pack, willing sleep to come, so I can certainly empathise. The thing to remember is that this, too, shall pass. Not trying to sound trite … not at all … but sometimes it just helps to remind ourselves that nothing, good OR bad, lasts forever. And I am always thankful for this blogging community … sometimes you guys are the best friends I have! Hang in, Keith … we all love you and are keeping you in our thoughts and hearts!

      • Yes, life often seems like a roller coaster, filled with ups and downs. I think people like you and I just do what needs to be done … as you said, check another item off the list … and muddle on through until the clouds part and we can, once again, see the sun. Hang in, my friend.

  7. Dear Jill,
    When my son was little I tried to explain how everyone goes through tough times. No one is spared. I was trying to explain why God lets terrible things happen to good people. I referred to a bird flying over to describe the concept that it will have to poop and everyone will have some poop fall on them, one just never knows when. God can’t stop the poop from coming but one’s faith can help folks deal with the inevitable that will happen.

    My young son asked why does more poop fall on some rather than others. (I wonder if he recalls these talks. I always knew that he would end up being an attorney.) I tried to explain that it does seem this way but then I talked about how those who rarely experience these hard times will have a more difficult time in dealing with these events when they do happen.

    But the truth is, that it feels like Hell on earth when we are faced with a myriad of painful times. My heart goes out to you and your family. At this point you already know that all you can do,is just put one foot in front of the other to get by. For real you are in my prayers.

    Major group hugs, Gronda

  8. Note to Readers: Many thanks to all the well wishes. They mean a great deal. Your suggestions are also appreciated as well as sharing things you are are dealing with. I know I am not alone. We will survive, but we sometimes have an extra dose of pigeon poop to deal with, as was noted as a good analogy.

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