It is your call on whom to marry

I was fortunate that my future wife asked me to meet her for a drink after work. Yet, before that happened, two of her friends counseled her that I was not for her. We have been married for over 32 years now.

Often, it is the parents who stand in the way of matrimony between their child and his or her chosen partner. While I am sure some disastrous pairings have been averted or delayed until a better time, it is not the parents’ decision and often they are wrong in their initial assessment.

I have a relative whose parents did not want him to marry a young woman. In an all too common rationale, they deemed her unsuitable due to relative standing on the socio-economic strata. They have been married now for over 40 years and are parents and grandparents.

I have a friend whose parents felt the same about his future bride. In this case, the rationale was she was older and had a child. My friend and his wife have been married longer than we have and are now grandparents.

Yet, my favorite example are some friends who were not allowed to be married when they were young and in love. She was the daughter of a Protestant minister and he was Catholic. Religious differences are an all too common reason to deny marriage. These friends each married other people and had families. After they each divorced and a few years had passed, the young lovers got back together and married each other. They have been married now for 30 years and seem to still enjoy their renewed affection.

For matters of the heart, it is your call. Everyone else may advise you, welcomed or not, but it is your call on whom to see and be married to. I do recognize that a teen living under the parents’ roof needs to listen to parents’ counsel, whether you heed it or not. They do see things you may not. But, as you get older and are about to make a commitment, at the end of the day, it is your commitment, not theirs.

So, parents should counsel wisely and judiciously. Yet, the best we can do is teach our children good values and encourage thoughtful decisions. But, it is their life to live, especially when they make that important step of choosing a life partner.

17 thoughts on “It is your call on whom to marry

  1. Dear Keith,

    Parents need to accept their adult children as adults. If I am concerned about something I perceive to be important, I mention it one time and then I let it drop. But mostly, I keep my counsel to myself unless I am asked for my opinion.

    I do not judge and I give them room to make mistakes. This is how they grow and develop into solid decent peoples.

    Too often, I have watched parents ruin children’s marriages. They take sides. And they will end up living with the repercussions.

    Hugs, Gronda

  2. I don’t remember my parents saying anything negative about someone I was dating, but I can think of several instances when they were visibly relieved when things didn’t work out 😄. Fortunately, they were both happy with my ultimate choice.

  3. Back in 1973 we, as it were then ‘had to get married’, aside from any extra-marital betrayal most things that should have broken up a marriage have come our way and yet here we are 26th Oct 2017; 44th anniversary because we were determined not to let a little thing like Life bust us up
    We let our three find their own way and stood there on hand to help pick up any pieces.
    So far, so good.

    • Roger, congratulations on 44 years with your bride. I am sure you both have poured a lot of effort, support, laughter and love into the relationship. Also, that is sound advice for the adult children. Thanks for sharing, Keith

      • Thanks so much Jill.
        That’s a nice coincidence! 😄
        My son & his lady arranged to be married on the 26th Oct, and when he phoned to tell me he asked ‘Do you mind?’
        Kids????? heh!
        I said ‘Course not! . It’s the best anniversary president we could have!’.
        PS…The book is out! 🙃 ( still comin’ down from the task)

      • Your son figured since you and your wife have such a successful marriage, 10/26 must be a lucky date!

        YAY!!!!!!! The book is out!!! I already got it (I saw this comment earlier, but dinna have time to answer right that moment). I hope you sell a million copies! I will write a review as soon as I finish it! Congratulations, my friend! You worked hard …

  4. Sage advice, Keith! It is sometimes hard to bite your tongue when you see your children walking a tightrope, but it is best. I let my daughter make her choices and I said very little. She learned from her mistakes … twice … but most importantly, we are best friends today because I did not judge and supported her decisions.

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