A few needed work funnies

I have written about some of these stories before, but permit me to repeat a few much needed work related funnies.

  • An old colleague said he liked having the office right next to his mercurial boss. He said the boss would get so mad, he would storm out of the office, but the boss’ momentum would not allow his boss to turn quickly enough to come in his office. So, the person in next office to his got to hear the boss’ furor.
  • Long before social distancing, my boss’ boss would routinely violate personal space and get six inches away from your face as he talked. No one was free from this invasive practice. My boss had a recommendation that you needed to follow when meeting with his boss. Always keep a piece of furniture between you and him to avoid the invasion of personal space.
  • Another colleague told me of the funny story when he realized his boss had a major comb over. He was showing his boss something on the computer and his boss asked if they could switch places. My friend said he saw a long hair on his boss’ shoulder and thought he would do a kindness and brush it away. One problem, though, it was still attached and he jerked his boss his head to the side.
  • At the time, the CEO of the company was a learned man who wanted to read every piece of communication that went out to employees and customers. He had been a newspaper reporter just out of high school, so space and brevity was at a premium. He had a term called “widows and orphans” which meant one or two words on a line of type. He would reword things to make paragraphs more blockish, ending near the right margin and avoiding the widows and ophans.
  • This same CEO would keep a cup of very short pencils, as he would used them down to their last 1/4 inch of use in his hand. When he was rewriting paragraphs, I would look over and count easily a dozen or more pencils.
  • I have written before about some of the greediest CEOs in my work experience. There was one who had every perquisite known to business. He had a body guard chauffeur who would pick him up at home and drop him at the office, then go back and drive the CEO’s wife shopping. My boss was once talking with a building security guard and said the body guard chauffeur was not protecting the CEO at the right time. He told the security guard there were more people inside the building who wanted to kill him than outside the building.
  • Some folks believe a travel and expense budget allowed them to spend on things they could not do at home. The above CEO was just one terrible example. He charged the company for his daughter’s wedding, because he invited clients to the wedding. Another person I know would put speeding tickets on his T&E report, as he was driving fast on company business. After the speeder metered his personal mail with the company postage meter, our boss went in and put a quarter on his desk and said that is the last personal envelope I am mailing for you.

The stories are many. Please share your funny work stories or reactions to the above.

25 thoughts on “A few needed work funnies

  1. Note to Readers: If you want to read a few more humorous work vignettes, check out “A few vignettes to make work fun.” It shows up in the Related posts beneath the above.

    • Linda, thanks. I actually know the person with the comb over, so it makes it even more amusing. The story goes on that he shrieked and after my other friend apologized, the man with the comb over grabbed the unruly hair and ripped it out. Keith

      • One of the muckety mucks at my first job had a poorly executed combover. LeROY, as he was to be called, was funnier than I’m sure he intended to be. A slight man in a big suit, in a very blue collar setting, who strode about with a proverbial cob up his arse. And that combover!

  2. Number 4 is me, without the newspaper history. I despize wasting an ENTIRE PAGE because the last “cc:” line went and made a page 5. I take way too long some times cutting things up and moving them around in my letters. Fortunately, I am not a manager who has to look @ others’ work, and what I write in a letter usually has some ongoing purpose, so making it clean and easy to follow isn’t time thrown away.

  3. I’m in a civil service, which has its downsides. On the other hand, the last two, but especially the last one, would be outright corruption where I work and, if that blatant, quickly get the offender a stinging letter with a copy to personnel or an indictment.

    • FC, it should be corruption anywhere, but the punishments do not reach the extent of the problem. With that said, names like Enron, HealthSouth, Tyco, Adelphia, etc. will be forever remembered for the malfeasance of their leaders. Keith

      • I should say, “would be seen and prosecuted as corruption” where I work. Adelphia isn’t as notorious as E*r*n but – from what I read at the time – was especially shameful in that shameful time in Corporate America.

      • FC, Adelphia was more about nepotism and corporate spending on the family’s personal needs. Enron was financial deception, fraud designed to make numbers look good for bonus and stock determination.

        One I did not mention occurred in the 1990s when eight tobacco CEOs lied one by one that nicotine was NOT addictive in a Congressional query. It was discovered that the knew since 1964. Keith

  4. Note to Readers: Did I tell you about the time I was making a presentation to a new CEO and a few others in small conference room. I was at an easel at the window and he was facing out. In the middle of one of my sentences, he said “that’s a hawk” and proceeded to go to the window to look. Apparently, he was not rapt in my presentation.

  5. Keith, classic remembrances! Reminds me of the good ole days and the blessings of retirement. Thanks for sharing and motivating me to delve into my past for writing inspiration in this post 45th enlightenment.

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