Whether his name rings a bell for a younger generation, there is an old rocker named Alice Cooper, who beneath his “Kiss” like make-up, sang some great rock-n-roll songs. But, he co-wrote and recorded one of the most powerful ballads, with domestic violence and maltreatment of women as a back drop. The song was aptly entitled “Only women bleed.”
Here is sample of the lyrics from the middle of the song.
“Man makes your hair gray
He’s your life’s mistake
All you’re really lookin’ fors an even break
He lies right at you
You know you hate this game
Slaps you once in a while
And you live and love in pain
She cries alone at night too often
He smokes and drinks and don’t come home at all
Only women bleed”
Domestic violence remains a hidden trauma for women. I use the word “hidden” as many victims try to hide their pain and bruises. They have been told it is their fault by their abusers. They are shamed as well as beaten. And, the abusers are quite adroit at masking their violent and controlling tendencies from their co-workers, friend and relatives.
In an agency to help working homeless families that I volunteered with, about 1/3 of the families in need were domestic violence survivors. In addition to losing their home, the spouse and family had to also experience the trauma of domestic violence. PTSD in these families had two causes.
If you are in a domestic violence situation or know someone who is, here are two loudspeaker bulletins.
- He will not change. Full stop.
- Find a way to get out before it is too late.
Let me close with the painful story of a man who started a local group called “Men for Change.” His sister hid from him and her other siblings that her husband was beating her. She would avoid family gatherings when bruises were apparent. She also hid the fact her husband was beating her two boys, on occasion ramming their heads into the ceiling.
She hid this from her siblings until they found out. How did they? He killed their sister Only women bleed. The abusers will not change. Get out.
Good PSA, Keith. A friend of mine works for children’s services and she says studies shows that children, even infants, exposed to domestic violence are more likely to suffer from ADHD.
VJ, thanks. Your assertion does not surprise me. Also, kids who are exposed to DV are more prone to have relationships with an abuser than those without such exposure. Keith
Absolutely!
This is such an important topic. One that continues to be an issue , and has risen during the pandemic. Thank you for your post and care on this very serious topic.
Thanks LaDonna. Stress brings out the worst in too many people.
LaDonna, the LCSWs who helped the homeless clients use a trauma informed care model, which I am sure you are familiar with. When in the shelter setting, each family has a communal set of chores. We learned those women who had been abused, needed extra lighting around the trash bins and someone standing at the door when they took trash out. Even without the DV abuse, working homeless mothers had a high degree of PTSD as did the kids. Kids seeing their parents devastated by a loss of their home bothered them almost as much as the actual homelessness. Keith
Thank you for sharing this Keith! I was not a fan of Alice Cooper so I never knew the song and its powerful lyrics. I too went through domestic violence and violence while I was growing up. the song is true – only women bleed! Again thank you for sharing this beautiful truth! 🙂 ❤
Deborah, I am so sorry you had to go through this. As for the song, it is unlike any other Cooper song as it is a slow ballad; very surreal when he performs it. Best wishes and I hope all of your troubles are behind you, although the echoes may remain. Keith
Thank you Keith all has been healed! 🙂 ❤
That is good.
Hello Keith. This is a subject that needs many voices, thank you for adding yours. Hugs
Thanks Scottie. You are so right, it needs a lot more attention.
Great post! I need to read lyrics more often, thanks.
Thanks Lander. I love poignant lyrics and these came from such an unlikely singer, which made them more powerful.
Thank you, Keith, both for the memories of a great song and for tackling such a difficult topic. My first husband seemed like the sweetest man on the outside. People used to call him a big teddy bear; however, behind closed doors, he was a grizzly bear. I found out 3 days after the wedding I had made the biggest mistake of my life. When I finally left after 3 years and the umpteenth death threat, I still hid the main reasons why. People told me how could I leave such a sweet man. He went to anger management and said that he was getting better so I should leave my new life and come back to him. But I could tell he hadn’t changed, he couldn’t. Yes, only women bleed.
Lydia, thanks for sharing your pertinent story. Your ex-husband’s behavior is not unusual, especially the masking of his abusive nature. I am glad you got out and refused to go back. Keith
You only get so many felonies before your a convicted felon.
FC, the key is to convict the felon before he kills someone or greatly harms even more than he has. Keith
Make the punishment fit the crime. Convicted abusers should serve their time in women’s prisons (The tough ones). See how long they last.
(It’s 22.30 GMT here as I warned Jill in an earlier post I have used my eloquent reasoned ration of rhetoric for the day )
Roger, not at bad idea. Have a good night after full day of opining. Keith
Thanks Keith.
And writing Fantasy novels with strong minded (and in one case worrying ruthless) women puts in a certain mindset.
I’m shutting down for the night now….unwinding watching the highly recommended animation ‘Zootropolis’
Roger, we need more strong women using their voices. The Queen forgot how to use hers and let the wolves badger her grandson’s wife with flat out racism. Keith
Indeed Keith. A shameful episode. There were enough folk within places of influence who could have hauled in the tabloid ‘rags’
Roger, so true. It would have been so easy to do the right thing and the point missed, is people would have responded to the leadership. People are craving good leadership and just are not getting it. Keith
From your experience and feeling for the current Keith, who do you reckon (If they could come back)
FDR (paternal)
Eisenhower (presidential)
LBJ (pre Vietnam War 1967-68) (operator)
Reagan (communicator)
Roger, I just got through reading a chapter in “Soul of America” about Eisenhower. He was a moderate Republican who kept alive the FDR/ Truman policies over the objections of many in his party. He oversaw a juggernaut of growth as a result. On the downside, he failed to be more critical of McCarthyism or Jim Crow. But, at least he led America. Setting aside Vietnam, LBJ accomplished what few others could have in Civil
Rights, Voting Rights and Medicare, Medicaid and improved Social Security.
Keith
Any well run prison will serve. Even if it’s all men all the time, having the guards/officers/warders running the place and will _not_ be bullied is the teacher. (Am tired so no grammar tonight.)
True. I just like the idea of these bullies and lesser creatures having tough women giving them a taste of their own medicine.
It feels like government by Twilight Zone rather than evidence supported penology that I dislike it.
It’s not new either, basically we’ve not advanced beyond the mindset of the Ancient Greeks
Let us advance.
If we do not we perish.
Those who denigrate women are not true men. All are equal partners in the struggle.
Well said Roger. Anyone who has to control another mentally or physically to shore up a fragile ego is certainly not being a man. Keith
Damn straight Keith!
Roger, the thought of a strong woman making an abuser toe the line, has appeal. DV is about control, the abuse being a part of it.. A woman taking that control away would be beyond unsettling to the abuser, with shades of Jean Paul Sarte’s “No Exit.”. Keith
If it causes a reformation of character is my “litmus test”. A prison sentence that doesn’t have that as its principal intent and practice isn’t just.
Well said.