You have been married a long time when…

My wife and I have been married several decades plus some, so we have observed how sayings, actions and tastes can arc toward a common theme. Note the title of this post does not use the phrase “too long,” as that is big no-no for newly married couples whose husband has not yet been corrected by his wife. The same applies for same gender couples.

So, using the framework of you have been married a long time when….

  • we hear a phrase or word on TV and start singing the same song at the same time. An easy one is following the word Argentina, we will break out with our inner “Evita” singing the obvious first line of the chorus. But, scarily we do this with other songs, as well.
  • your spouse starts using a line or word that you use use more often. An easy one is seeing a cemetery, my wife will note my line of “People are dying to go there.” Hearing your words echoed back can be flattering, but not always. Or, she might say “Don’t say it” if it us not funny.
  • we can define a restaurant, movie or actor without ever saying the name and it is understood. Just last night, I said about a TV show actor, she is that actress who starred in that Australian series about the matriarch who bossed everyone around. After one more sentence, my wife knew who it was.
  • your spouse can raise a topic and you immediately know she is bothered by something. So, you listen. Since more often than not, she wants to vent, you just listen, not try to fix. This is the best advice to young couples, especially the husband, as men like to fix things – listen more, talk less.
  • you pass to each other humming or singing ear worms. You may be humming a tune without really knowing it, until you hear your spouse humming the same song later. Why are you humming that? This is more frequent with all of the commercials using old songs to sell products.
  • you share take out dishes, as neither of you can complete one entree. Only rarely, will we order two meals from a Chinese take out restaurant, with the exception of getting two spring rolls to go along with our soup for one and one main meal.
  • you know your spouse’s favorite actors and vice versa, so you point out others who look similar that she may like.

What have I left out that you and your spouse do? I stayed away from looking alike, as people sometimes marry someone who has characteristics that remind them of their mother or father. So, they grow into those features.

25 thoughts on “You have been married a long time when…

    • Holly, thanks. It just shows you people are different. My wife would be in the other category. She used to say when I was a slow learner, “Now don’t try and fix this.” Keith

  1. Awesome! And I can relate very well to quite some, except that my husband would never sing and should take Number four to heart. It is only to get things off the chest.

    • Thanks Erika. Of course, your husband can’t sing like you can. We all could be better listeners. Note Holly’s comment though, as she prefers problem solving, so we are all different. Keith

      • LOL, I don’t know, perhaps he could even sing better, he simply doesn’t. In the 35 years we are together, I have not heard him sing one single time. Yes, I saw Holly’s comment and it made me smile! That’s what makes ever couple as unique as very person is unique.

  2. Note to Readers: My question to Kim reminds me that my wife is a voracious readers. I will pick up a book she read and ask if she liked it and does she think I would. It has been a nice common exposure that we can talk about later. She has not steered me wrong and I have done the same for her. For example, some people would put down a book that starts slow, but if a spouse tells you that it will get better, you keep going.

  3. Sweet topic for today. I have trouble remembering words and completing sentences and blessed with a husband who knows exactly what I mean, filling in those blanks for me. All with a sense of humour.

    • VJ, it is indeed scary not to be able to recall names of things you can vividly see in your mind. Completing sentences is definitely what couples do. Keith

  4. I love this! I foresee you and your wife being like Jimmy & Rosalynn Carter, celebrating your 75th some day way in the future! “Listen more, talk less” is the best advice you can give anybody in any circumstance! Whether it’s a spouse, a friend, a child or grandchild … listen. I still struggle with this sometimes when Chris or Natasha are communicating with me, but I try. Fun post!

    • Thanks Jill. We will need some good health fortune to make 75 years, but stranger things have happened. The old saying of “you have two ears and one mouth, use them in that proportion” applies to all of us. Keith

  5. Note to Readers: I just remembered another reminder of being married a long time. Janis alluded to it as shared experiences, but that it includes minor things like shared irritation of the same commercials once you have seen them fifty times or more, as well as major things like sharing problems that friends and family are dealing with.

  6. Note to Readers: Another addition to the mix. You know you have been married a long time when your spouse rephrases and asks you the same question you just asked her as her response. I will laugh and say that is my question.

  7. That made me laugh Keith and reminded me of my Mum. When she was still with us I went to the cemetry with her to visit my dads grave. It wasnt something which she felt she needed to do but I wanted too. As we left she asked both Simon and I why they have tall hedges round cemetries? and her answer was that “People were dying to get inside”. It seemed strange at the time considering we had just visited my dads grave but it was very natural from her.

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