A man won’t be shot while doing the dishes (a reprise)

Staying married takes effort. The same could be said about any relationship. If you don’t work at it, it won’t last. The title is a funny, but true metaphor that will keep you married – if you do the dishes, even if only periodically, you at least will survive another day and not get shot. There are two messages in this saying – share the load and keep your sense of humor. Since we need a break these days, let me focus on the humor.

Comedian Tom Arnold had the funniest line which seems to apply to our household. When asked by the women on “The View” about how long does a physically romantic interlude last, he replied “thirty minutes.” When the women were surprised at his answer, he clarified, “yes, five  minutes of foreplay, five minutes of sex and twenty minutes to get all the pillows off the bed.” My wife and I roared with this answer as we have so many decorative pillows that take up more than 1/2 the bed.

Speaking of beds, in our house the last one up makes the bed. I sincerely try to make up the bed like my wife does, but apparently I fall short of perfection. My wife sighs and then pulls, smoothes and tugs to remedy my effort. My guess is my female readers who are or have been married are nodding yes as they read this. My wife tends to arise later, so it may this very reason. Or, it could be the first one up has to feed the cat and dog, make the coffee and get the paper.

There is one more chore with the cat, who we found out is diabetic last spring. He is doing well, but each morning and evening, we have to give the cat insulin. So, a common question in our house is strange, “Did you shoot the cat?” He will often come to us after eating and we will pet him, then give him his insulin. Yet, he will sometimes vamoose if he senses something is up or if the dog chases him away. Herding a cat is an art form.

The sense of humor thing keeps us honest. We often laugh at ourselves and feel open to teasing. Watching shows and movies are always interesting if they have a sad event. I will tear up with any scene where a parent/ child moment occurs over a tragedy or reunion. My wife will ball over any extended illness scene having lost her brother to Leukemia. So, we tend to tease each other about our sappiness. My wife likes to joke how I try to tactically wipe a tear away without her noticing, which I usually fail to achieve. I will asking “are you crying?” “No,” is often her answer through tears.

Finally, an unexpected hug, kiss, caress or a foot rub, will go a long way. The first three actions need not be long to share a moment of tenderness and can occur in the kitchen or hall. The foot rub will consume more time and usually be done while watching TV or reading. I firmly believe a torturer invented women’s high heel shoes. Mind you, both men and women like how they make a woman’s legs look, otherwise why would they wear them? But a day in those things will beg for some pampering of sore feet.

Share the load, laugh a lot. And, a well placed hug, kiss or caress never hurts. And, a foot rub will be added bliss.

25 thoughts on “A man won’t be shot while doing the dishes (a reprise)

  1. “Shoot the cat” has a different meaning here. Defined in an 18th century Dictionary of the Vulgar Tongue as “To vomit due to excess of alcohol”. “Did you shoot the cat?” a question I often heard in my student days.

  2. Note to Readers: Long term relationships have interesting evolutions. When we first started dating seriously, if I glanced at an attractive woman I would be in trouble. Now, we both know what singers, actors and actresses we like and point out the good looks of someone for the other. My wife will watch anything with Patrick Swayze, Christopher Reeve or Javier Bardem in it and she remains a huge Jon Bon Jovi fan, eg.

  3. A running gag in our house is from my wife when things are getting ‘difficult’
    ‘Don’t forget dear I have read ALL of the Agatha Christie books,’ and leaves it at that.
    One I like was a response by Linda Clarke on a question as if she had ever considered divorcing Charlton Heston: ‘Divorce never. Murder, yes,’

  4. Love this!
    Great advice! Definitely need humor, its so fun to laugh together and the little touches do really go a long way! When my husband was away for 3months, due to his job, I really missed the little touches throughout the day. The hugs, kisses , hand on your shoulder, those little touches go a long way!

  5. Good advice for keeping a happy wife. Foot rubs would definitely be welcomed. The Moth is too ticklish to receive and germophobic to return the favour. But he makes the bed as he arises later. I did smile reading that! Here’s to a happy wife, happy life!

  6. Note to Readers: While my wife will tend to look down on my bed making ability, she will smile if I fold the clothes in the dryer. Most of her outer clothes are on hangers, so it is hard for me to mess those up. And, pairing socks is a mission in madness as socks are often consumed by other clothes. But, I will likely survive another day folding laundry.

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