A man won’t be shot while doing the dishes – a reprise post

Staying married takes effort. The same could be said about any relationship. If you don’t work at it, it won’t last. The title is a funny, but true metaphor that will keep you married – if you do the dishes, even if only periodically, you at least will survive another day and not get shot. There are two messages in this saying – share the load and keep your sense of humor. Since we need a break these days, let me focus on the humor.

Comedian Tom Arnold had the funniest line which seems to apply to our household. When asked by the women on “The View” about how long does a physically romantic interlude last, he replied “thirty minutes.” When the women were surprised at his answer, he clarified, “yes, five  minutes of foreplay, five minutes of sex and twenty minutes to get all the pillows off the bed.” My wife and I roared with this answer as we have so many decorative pillows that take up more than 1/2 the bed.

Speaking of beds, in our house the last one up makes the bed. I sincerely try to make up the bed like my wife does, but apparently I fall short of perfection. My wife sighs and then pulls, smoothes and tugs to remedy my effort. My guess is my female readers who are or have been married are nodding yes as they read this. My wife tends to arise later, so it may be for this very reason. Or, it could be the first one up has to feed the cat and dog, make the coffee and get the paper.

There is one more chore with the cat, who we found out is diabetic last spring. He is doing well, but each morning and evening, we have to give the cat insulin. So, a common question in our house is strange, “Did you shoot the cat?” He will often come to us after eating and we will pet him, then give him his insulin. Yet, he will sometimes vamoose if he senses something is up or if the dog chases him away. Herding a cat is an art form.

The sense of humor thing keeps us honest. We often laugh at ourselves and feel open to teasing. Watching shows and movies are always interesting if they have a sad event. I will tear up with any scene where a parent/ child moment occurs over a tragedy or reunion. My wife will ball over any extended illness scene having lost her brother to Leukemia. So, we tend to tease each other about our sappiness. My wife likes to joke how I try to tactically wipe a tear away without her noticing, which I usually fail to achieve. I will asking “are you crying?” “No,” is often her answer through tears.

A final note about long term relationships. You both are your collective memory. When one of us cannot remember the name of a restaurant, movie or performer, et al, with seemingly confusing hints to the other, he or she can ascertain what you are talking about. Google helps immensely, but we try to come up with a name before we have to search. This helps especially when we see an actor or actress from one show pop up in another. It will start with the comment, “we have seen her before in something else.”

Share the load, laugh a lot and remember well. And, a well placed hug or caress never hurts. Plus, make sure the dishes are dry before you put them away.


18 thoughts on “A man won’t be shot while doing the dishes – a reprise post

  1. Happy New Year Keith!
    Laughing about the throw/decorative pillows. My husband is always throwing them off the one couch onto the other one so that he can sit down.
    He also doesn’t succeed at wiping tears during a movie, without me seeing them.
    Fun post and true. One definitely needs a sense of humor and yes, the gentle touches throughout the day are needed as well!

  2. great post, hope you had a joyous new year’s eve celebration. I’ve still got a bit to clean up from with our party last night. the recycle bin can’t handle another object but it doesn’t go out until Thursday. I had thought about crushing the soda cans with my foot like I used to when I was younger but knowing my old self, I’d lose my balance standing on one foot. besides, that type of compression won’t make much of a difference anyway. Why tempt fate when I’m blind and already have balance issues to begin with?

    I hope you’re doing well.

  3. I love it! Personally I like to see the pillows but have never used them for decorative purposes. I’m just not into having the bed full of stuff that isn’t useful. A tray with snacks on it? That’s a whole different ball game, but pillows just don’t make sense. As for the tears, I have to admit I’m famous among my friends for crying the quickest and most during movies. They don’t even have to be sad ones. A t`ender moment in a comedy has me grabbing the tissues. Hope you have a great New Year!

    • Angie, I think we all need a good cry for cathartic reasons. Mine are father/ son or father/ daughter related or sibling related. “Field of Dreams” is a good example when he asks his Dad for a game of catch. If you watch “McLeod’s Daughters,” there is a particular episode that will leave you in tears. Keith

  4. Note to Readers: Funny story occurred to me at Lowe’s Home Improvement yesterday. I was in the plumbing aisle looking at the arm kits that pull up the stopper. Needing a gold plated handle which was not present, I took a picture of a nickel plated one so I could order it online.

    At the same time, a married couple was taking a picture of the device which controls the water fill in the toilet tank. I laughed and said, “the definition of being an adult includes taking pictures of toilet parts.”

  5. Haha! I loved your comment to the other couple at Lowes… ain’t it the truth. Fortunately, we don’t have decorative pillows on our bed but, full confession, I do have a stuffed animal – a gorilla – that my mom gave me. He makes me smile every time I look at him.

    • True that about Lowe’s. As for the stuffed gorilla, I am sure your husband does not want to have the gorilla on the bed when he is doing that Tom Arnold thing. Keith

  6. It’s funny, isn’t it, that we tend to feel embarrassed about emoting. We really shouldn’t, but I think most of us respond the same way you and your wife do over our tear-jerked moments.

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