Fifteen years and counting

Tomorrow will be the fifteenth anniversary of my last alcoholic drink. I wrote my most frequented post nine years ago and it still resonates with many, as my struggles are not unusual. The echo of wanting a drink remains, but it is faint compared to what it once was.

If you or someone you know are having struggles with an addiction, be it alcohol, drugs, food or cigarettes, please read or share the post below. It is a daily battle – the mantra for me is “I am not going to drink today.”

Since we are creatures of habit, though, I encourage you to know your triggers and find better habits to substitute than the more addictive ones. In my case, it was fruits, popsicles, chewing gum, green tea, tonic water with a twist and non-alcoholic beer, etc. Dried fruits are an ideal snack when an urge strikes as things like figs, dates, apricots, et al are quite dense and filling.

Each person can figure out a substitute that works for them. But, know your triggers. Mine were grilling out on the weekend or coming home after a long day. My body would crave the alcohol at the end of work day, so I would get hot and my face would redden.

I don’t get red face anymore, but that craving lingers a little. Now, I can more easily kick the craving to the curb, so it does get better as the years pass.

Best wishes to you and your loved ones and friends with any addictive problems. It is not easy to escape the habit, so don’t let anyone tell you it is.

https://musingsofanoldfart.wordpress.com/2013/08/08/six-years-alcohol-free-but-still-want-to-drink/

Company in New Hampshire knew of toxic poisoning and failed to act

Recently, I have written several posts about the poisoning in groundwater by companies who use these forever chemicals referred to by their acronym of PFAS. Dupont was highlighted in the movie “Dark Waters” about the true story surrounding their making of Teflon in a West Virginia plant, where they denied for years what they admitted knowing in their files. In short, PFAS (or per and polyfluorinated substances) “is a harmful manmade set of chemicals that don’t break down in the environment and can cause medical issues like some cancers if consumed enough.” See the fact sheet below from the CDC.

In an article in The Guardian yesterday by Tom Perkins called “‘They all knew’: textile company misled regulators about use of toxic PFAS, documents show,” we learned that Dupont was not the only company to hide the fact the making of and disposal of waste from their product was causing major health concerns in adults and children in the area. Here are a few paragraphs from the article that can be linked to below.

“A French industrial fabric producer that poisoned drinking water supplies with PFAS ‘forever chemicals’ across 65 sq miles (168 sq km) of southern New Hampshire misled regulators about the amount of toxic substance it used, a group of state lawmakers and public health advocates charge.

The company, Saint Gobain, now admits it used far more PFAS than regulators previously knew, and officials fear thousands more residents outside the contamination zone’s boundaries may be drinking tainted water in a region plagued by cancer clusters and other health problems thought to stem from PFAS pollution.

Saint Gobain in 2018 agreed to provide clean drinking water in the 65-sq-mile area as part of a consent agreement with New Hampshire regulators, and damning evidence suggesting it used more PFAS than previously admitted surfaced in a trove of documents released in a separate class-action lawsuit.

‘People are sick, there are really high cancer rates and people literally have died, so when you see what’s happening and the company acts like this – it’s really upsetting,’ said Mindi Messmer, a former state representative who analyzed the documents and sent them to the New Hampshire attorney general and state regulators.

Saint Gobain has denied wrongdoing. PFAS, or per- and polyfluoroalkyl substances, are a class of about 12,000 chemicals used across dozens of industries to make products resist water, stains and heat. The highly toxic compounds don’t naturally break down, and are linked to cancer, thyroid disease, kidney problems, decreased immunity, birth defects and other serious health problems. They have been called ‘forever chemicals’ due to their longevity in the environment.

Saint Gobain Performance Plastics’ Merrimack, New Hampshire, plant had for decades treated its products with PFOA, one type of PFAS, to make them stronger. The company released PFOA from its smokestacks and the chemicals, once on the ground, moved through the soil and into aquifers. Hundreds of residential and municipal wells pull from the groundwater.

Please look through the CDC Fact Sheet below. If you have not seen “Dark Waters,” please watch it as it shows how Dupont knew and covered up their poisoning of others, then was shown verified causal data from the largest sampling of people in a scientific study and reneged on an offer to help and then lost successive lawsuits before they settled the remaining cases in a class action. I am sure there are some theatrics in the movie, but over all the movie will disgust you that leaders of a company could be so brazen. And, stop using Teflon cookware as their poison resides within many of us if we did.

Companies must be held to account. Leaders must be held to account. And, it cannot be so rarely done, that they make a movie out of the effort. Rob Bilott, the attorney who fought Dupont and Erin Brockovich cannot be the only folks recognized for fighting these battles.

https://www.cdc.gov/biomonitoring/PFAS_FactSheet.html

https://www.theguardian.com/environment/2022/aug/05/saint-gobain-textile-company-toxic-pfas

The best teammate ever has passed away

I wrote this nine years ago about Bill Russell who passed away this week. Even if you do not like basketball or sports, please give it a read as there are many life lessons about collaboration within a team or group. It is a little longer than my current posts, but if you want to cut to the chase, at least read the last three paragraphs, which show you how much he cares about his team and the disenfranchised.

With the NCAA basketball tourney in high gear and the NBA playoffs nearing, I wanted to take the opportunity to highlight the best team player of any sport. With all due respect to my hockey friends, he is not Henri Richard of the famous Montreal Canadiens, who some would argue could lay such claim. The best teammate ever happens to have been quite successful as a college and pro basketball player, so it is apropos to mention him here and now.

His college team won two national championships, his pro team won eleven NBA championships and his Olympic team won the Gold Medal, as well. Who is he? He is not Michael Jordan, Magic Johnson, Kareem Abdul-Jabbar or Larry Bird, although he is appearing in two commercials during the NCAA tournament with the latter three around the kids pre-school desk and the guy who usually does this funny banter with kids. His name is Bill Russell and he is remembered as the legendary center for the Boston Celtics and University of San Francisco.

Bill’s teams were good for two primary reasons. First and foremost, he was on the team. He had personal achievements winning the Most Valuable Player award five times and was a twelve time all-star. He is in the Hall of Fame and was voted one of the 50 Best NBA Players of all time. Yet, by his own admission, Wilt Chamberlain was a better basketball player. Wilt, though, did not win that many championships or have near the same amount of team success.

Second, his team won because Russell understood the concept of team play better than anyone. You see Russell’s forte was not scoring, although he did do some of that averaging 15 points a game as a pro. His forte was doing those things on the court which involved effort and intellect as much as skill. He was a voracious rebounder averaging an unheard of today 22.5 rebound per game. Rebounding requires calculation of where the shot was taken and where a missed shot might carom or bounce. Most basketball shots taken from one side of the basketball court, when missed, will carom to the other side. Then, it requires a huge amount of effort to get to the best position where the missed shot might go and use your body to block out an opponent, another lost art in the US.

By rebounding well, the opponent gets fewer shots and your team gets more shots. An explanation of basketball success doesn’t get any easier than that. Yet, he also was one of the best shot blockers the game has ever known. Shotblocking is timing as well as skill, but he made it a craft. But, the one thing he did that is rarely done when you watch the tournament games today, is Russell blocked the shot to a teammate. This normally started a fast break which has a higher chance of scoring than a set play. He was known to have said, “If I block it out-of-bounds, it may look more theatrical, but we still don’t have the ball.” When you watch the Final Four and the NBA playoffs, see how many times the blocker just blocks it out-of-bounds.

The third thing he did well in addition to the shot blocking was play good defense. Offense is more fun to play. Defense requires an effort. Offense is what the fans want to see, but defense wins championships. The shot blocking was his signature trait, but he also did other things to make his team defend the goal  better. He worked hard to disrupt the other teams’ offense through disrupting passes and shots.

The final thing he did well is his passing. He knew his teammates could shoot better than he did, so he would get them the ball passing out of the post position. Plus, by having his teammates involved, he knew they would pick up their defense. Syracuse Coach Jim Boeheim said this the other day, “I know I am not supposed to say this, but when a player is scoring and involved in the offense, he usually plays better defense as a result.” Having been around basketball for years, I have never heard a coach utter those words, yet I think Russell knew this intuitively.

Russell actually was a player coach his last three seasons as a Boston Celtics and his team won each year. But, when he kept coaching after he retired, his teams did not win like before. The key reason was Bill Russell was not playing. He brought all of the above to the court – intellect, effort, skill and energy. But he brought one other thing. His desire to win. Before almost every big game, Russell could be heard in the locker restroom throwing up. His teammates knew that if Russell was throwing up because he was nervous, they were going to win. And, they did.

One final thought about Bill Russell, which I also admire him for, is his activism. He was very intelligent and he knew that African-Americans were continuing to be maltreated in the 1960s. He joined together with Jim Brown, the superb NFL football star, and others to make a statement because their athletic prowess and notoriety gave them a platform to be heard. They did what people like Tiger Woods and Michael Jordan have not done because of fear of lost endorsements. They stood up for African-Americans who were being disenfranchised and said this is not right.They convinced Muhammad Ali to take part as well. This needs to be done today, but the players and stars of the same ilk will not stand up for causes like these men did.

I think his activism shows what kind of man and teammate Bill Russell is and was. In today’s me first world where statistics mean more than they should with fantasy leagues and big contracts, winning year-in, year-out with energy and effort, seems to be a lost art. And, with fourteen championships to his teams’ credit, win they did. Maybe that is why we may never see another Bill Russell. The team has to be bigger than the player.

Top of mind issues that aren’t

Issues that need to be top of mind aren’t being discussed because we would rather talk about more exaggerated and contrived issues.

The global water crisis lives here, especially in drought prone areas like the Southwest United States, which is running dangerously low on water. Climate change only makes matters worse. And, this is even before we speak of the lead water pipe structures which have their own set of toxic issues as in Flint, Michigan.

Miami is the most at risk city in the world for encroaching sea levels due to climate change, but the governor calls more dramatic solutions liberal based ideas. Miami has built right to the coast and the limestone guarding the largest aquifer is porous. The fact the number of sunny days flooding has increased with sea water coming up through the street drains in Miami Beach should give people pause. Call me crazy, but when you are surrounded on three sides by sea water as Florida is, climate change should be a huge issue.

Toxins in our environment due to manufacturing run off of chemicals or middle of the night storage elsewhere are causing bell weather cancers years later. The water at Camp Lejeune in NC has been killing and making Marines, their spouses and their children sick for decades and yet we are still screwing around with a decision. Thank you for your service, just don’t drink the water. Recent stories on environmental cancers from Teflon and Round-up chemicals also continue to get press.

Dr. Sandra Steingraber, an ecologist, biologist, author and speaker (who has testified to Congress and the EU Parliament), spoke at an event I attended. She noted our tests are designed for a 50 year-old man, but we really should be testing for children. Our children have lungs and brains that are not fully developed, they have lesser body weight and are closer to the ground, they mouth breath more and they touch things more and put their hands in their mouths. They are easy targets for toxins to poison them.

I want people to remember her words. She added some hope, though. When we act in a serious manner we can fix things. She used the example of the Rabies vaccine, as she and her son were exposed. Rabies is a horrible way to die and it only takes a bite. But, we long ago created a series of vaccines that prevent Rabies, even if exposed. We learned and acted. She said that is a lesson that we should follow on dealing with other environmental issues – learn and act whether it’s getting rid of arsenic on playground equipment, removing asbestos out of building materials or knowing how to handle PVC pipes in a closed environment.

People matter. Children matter. Short term profits matter less than human life. I would argue companies that aggressively act to fix things will do better with long term profits due to goodwill.* Let’s act like parents and grandparents in governing what is needed. Let’s shine a spotlight on legislators and business leaders who do not.

*Years ago, Dow Chemical had a huge chemical spill in India. Because of their reputation as a good community citizen and by acting quickly to fix things, the long-term profits of the company did not suffer. The same held true with Johnson and Johnson, the makers of Tylenol after product tampering incidents killed some people. They acted quickly to fix things and we now have tamper identifying bottles.

Mental health issues rise for adolescents, teens and young adults

A key article for all to see appeared in The Charlotte Observer yesterday called “Mental health crises on the rise among US teenagers. What parents can watch for” by Laura Brache. Here are the first couple of sections, with a link below.

“’A national emergency.’

That’s what the American Academy of Pediatrics calls a recent increase in mental health crises among children and teens in the United States. ‘It’s unlike anything I’ve experienced in doing this for 20 years,’ said Gary Maslow, a child and adolescent psychologist at Duke University. Maslow joined fellow Duke pediatric psychologist Nathan Copeland and professor Sharika Hill in a virtual discussion Wednesday to help parents and caregivers help children and teens facing anxiety, depression, self-harm and suicidal thoughts.

YOUTH SUICIDE IN 2019

More kids died by suicide in 2019 ‘than at any point in American history,’ said Copeland. In fact, suicide was the second leading cause of death among youth that year. ‘Among the 10 to 24 age group, suicide accounted for nearly 25% of all death among kids,’ he said. ‘And among … individuals 15 to 24, suicide accounted for more deaths than the next seven core medical causes combined.’ Those causes include accidents, congenital issues, homicide, and cancer, according to the Center for Disease Control and Prevention. ‘The worst outcome is children dying by suicide,’ Maslow said. “That is happening, but that is the tip of the iceberg.” Just as in many facets of health care, Black youth were among the most impacted by suicide in 2019. ‘Where we were seeing things like systemic racism and how it was impacting Black youth, we were seeing that [suicide] rate increase faster for Black youth than for any other demographic,’ Copeland said. In Durham, Maslow added, Hispanic youth are also ‘presenting at much higher rates that we’ve seen before.’

PEDIATRIC MENTAL ILLNESS IS COMMON

Nearly 1 in 5 youth will experience pediatric mental illness during their childhood, Copeland said. People in this group often go undiagnosed and untreated for years, he said. It can take five to 11 years for a child to get treatment for mental health and behavioral issues from the moment they start experiencing symptoms. ‘For a kid that’s a significant 11 years,’ he said. ‘That’s a long period of time that a kid has been experiencing mental illness.’ What’s more, only 20% of youth experiencing mental illness end up receiving the potentially life-saving care that they need. Academic pressure and school in general also fuel “peer victimization” and bullying, Copeland said. ‘In Durham, what we frequently see or what we have seen is that when school starts, compared to when kids are on break, there is a 60% increase in rates of pediatric mental health emergency department visits,’ he said. Copeland said, before the pandemic, ‘mental illness was the most common cause of drop out in school of any disability group.’”

I encourage you to read the full article via the link below. And, note this is before the pandemic made the situation even worse. This is a key reason why guns need to be better governed and locked away. Homes with guns have a higher rate of suicide than homes without one. One impulsive decision and it is over.

There should be less stigma to getting help. We all may need it at some point.

Read more at: https://www.charlotteobserver.com/health-wellness/article263427108.html#storylink=cpy

A herbicide lives inside of us

A very alarming article called “‘Disturbing’: weedkiller ingredient tied to cancer found in 80% of US urine samples” by Carey Gillam in The Guardian is must reading for us all. The article can be linked to below, but here are the first few paragraphs that sound the bell.

“More than 80% of urine samples drawn from children and adults in a US health study contained a weedkilling chemical linked to cancer, a finding scientists have called ‘disturbing and concerning’.

The report by a unit of the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) found that out of 2,310 urine samples, taken from a group of Americans intended to be representative of the US population, 1,885 were laced with detectable traces of glyphosate. This is the active ingredient in herbicides sold around the world, including the widely used Roundup brand. Almost a third of the participants were children ranging from six to 18.

Academics and private researchers have been noting high levels of the herbicide glyphosate in analyses of human urine samples for years. But the CDC has only recently started examining the extent of human exposure to glyphosate in the US, and its work comes at a time of mounting concerns and controversy over how pesticides in food and water impact human and environmental health.

‘I expect that the realization that most of us have glyphosate in our urine will be disturbing to many people,’ said Lianne Sheppard, professor at the University of Washington’s department of environmental and occupational health sciences. Thanks to the new research, ‘we know that a large fraction of the population has it in urine. Many people will be thinking about whether that includes them.’

Sheppard co-authored a 2019 analysis that found glyphosate exposure increases the risk of non-Hodgkin lymphoma, and also co-authored a 2019 scientific paper that reviewed 19 studies documenting glyphosate in human urine.

If you are a homeowner in the US and abroad, you have likely used a weedkiller, even Roundup, on those pesky weeds. We have. So, that would likely mean we are candidates to be in the 80% category of the above statistic not the 20% one.

This disturbing statistic reminds me of the movie “Dark Waters” where the factories that made Teflon existed, the workers and their families and citizens that lived close by had high degrees of cancers and other abnormalities. Yet, the other statistic cited by this true story, is the chemicals in Teflon are forever chemicals. And, a substantial percentage of humans likely have these chemicals in their bodies from use of the product.

Dr. Sandra Steingraber, an ecologist, biologist and bladder cancer survivor noted in her books and speeches to Congress and the European Parliament that we do not emphasize enough the environmental causes of cancer. When we do, they make movies out of the hard fight to expose the Dupont’s, Monsanto’s and Pacific Gas and Electric’s of the world for poisoning our environment. She also notes, we need to test more for the impact on kids (as done in this urine sampling). Kids’ lungs and brains are not fully developed until they become adults, they put hand to mouth more after touching things, they mouth breathe more, and they are lower to the ground. As these toxins spread onto things, the kids become infected faster and more frequently than an average adult. It should be noted that for the longest while, outdoor playground equipment was treated with an insecticide that was made of arsenic.

We must insist companies follow the “precautionary principle” meaning if they know of a problem, they need to stop and test it before going on. They cannot cover it up which is an even worse crime. People died because of these chemicals. People died because of the cover-ups.

Per a website called organiconsumers.org the following blurb can be found:

“Monsanto has falsified data on Roundup’s safety, and marketed it to parks departments and consumers as ‘environmentally friendly’ and ‘biodegradable,’ to encourage its use it on roadsides, playgrounds, golf courses, schoolyards, lawns and home gardens. A French court ruled those marketing claims amounted to false advertising.”

This finding is supported by this piece from the Sierraclub.org:

“The internal communications made clear that Monsanto—the company that created saccharine and went on to develop DDT and Agent Orange—was not only aware that independent scientific studies had found that its blockbuster weed killer, Roundup, and the primary ingredient in Roundup, glyphosate, were probably carcinogenic and harmful to human health, but the company had also tried to bury the findings.”

In another blaring example of this, per “Dark Waters,” Dupont moved pregnant women off the Teflon line as they knew of the danger but did not tell them why. And, they did not tell the public what they knew. And, after the largest data-driven sampling was conducted proving the risk to the public, Dupont reneged on its offer to help people if the study found them at fault. Then Dupont lost every individual lawsuit for millions of dollars until they realized they needed to settle.

So, if you have these chemicals in your body, do some research on what, if anything, you can do about it. For the future, avoid the weedkillers, use masks when handling chemicals and throw out all of your Teflon plated cookware. And, per Steingraber, bladder cancer is a bell weather cancer. If someone you know he gets it, the cause is usually environmental related. If you don’t follow-up, you are risking your and your family’s lives.

https://www.theguardian.com/us-news/2022/jul/09/weedkiller-glyphosate-cdc-study-urine-samples

Standing on one leg is a sign of good health

Whether it is the Yoga tree pose, a one leg lift pose or something similar, standing on one leg has been shown to improve one’s health. In an article from last fall, called “Standing on one leg is a sign of good health – and practising is good for you too” by Dawn Skelton of Glasgow Caledonia University, a few data based observations are noted. Here a few paragraphs:

“Research shows that people’s ability to stand on one leg is an indicator of health and that getting better at standing on one leg can add to fitness and potentially lifespan.

Being able to stand on one leg is linked to increased levels of physical activity and decreased risk of falls and is associated with both quality and length of life. Around 37.3 million falls per year worldwide are severe enough to require medical attention.

The inability to balance on one leg for 20 seconds or longer is linked in otherwise healthy people to an increased risk of small blood vessel damage in the brain and reduced ability to understand ideas. You are less likely to be able to stand on one leg without a wobble if you have a multitude of medical conditions such as Parkinson’s diseasestroke or Alzheimer’s disease). 

Pregnancy, menopause, the diagnosis of diseaseand retirement can also alter our strength and balance and ability to stay upright, mostly because of the way these affect our ability and motivation to engage in regular physical activity.

Sitting or reclining while awake is associated with lower muscle strength, risk of falls and physical function, sometimes irrespective of the amount of moderate or vigorous intensity physical activity you do. People who sit for prolonged periods are more likely to develop type 2 diabetes, higher waist circumference and obesity.”

I have noted before a gerontologist said there are two key points in the life of older people that hasten their demise. One is the inability to drive, while the other is the inability to walk. If we can continue to walk on our own, the better off our health will be. The ability to maintain your weight on one leg will help in this regard. I would also argue the ability to push yourself off the floor will help when you do fall.

Standing on one leg for twenty seconds won’t occur immediately as there are balancing issues. So, start with a few seconds and stand near a wall or imbedded bookshelf where you can rebalance if you teeter a little. Even though I can stand for a count of thirty with various arm stretches in a tree pose per each leg, I still stand next to a set of shelves if I start to teeter. But, I built up to that number of counts.

So, best wishes on the one leg standing exercises. If you want to see options just google “one leg standing exercise” and see what pops up. There are a number of sites to choose from. One bit of caution on the Yoga tree pose, make sure you don’t place your foot to the side of your other knee as it will cause some undue pressure on the knee. Either go above or below the knee or cross the leg over the other.

Letter to the editor – concerns over attacks on others

I sent the following brief letter to my newspaper this weekend. It will likely go unprinted, but I want to share it with you in case you would like to modify and use. Maybe it will get printed somewhere.

Reading about the increase in verbal and physical attacks on LGBTQ+ citizens or the denigration of the rights of women or people of color concern me. This is especially troubling when it comes from people who espouse the teachings of Jesus. When he said treat others like you want to be treated, he offered no caveats. Full stop. If we would only follow that one rule, which is so important it is called “golden” and also appears in in other religious texts, we would be in a much better place with our civility. We have two ears and one mouth, we should use them in that proportion. We all deserve such treatment.

People died for our country to preserve the freedoms for all its citizens. That guy Jesus chose to spend most of his time speaking to and hanging out with the disenfranchised people in his time. We should remind ourselves why would they choose to do that. Our country has had fits and starts of trying to live up to our ideals. Yet, we should never stop trying to be the best version of ourselves.

Friday free form – recognizing those mistakes

Happy Friday all. I thought I would throw a few random musings down in free form on this Friday. In no particular order:

  • I watched a great movie whose title was uttered by a prescient boy with a debilitating immune disorder. He said you are “more beautiful having been broken.” He was sharing this with a new female friend who he sensed was sad. Its poignancy and pertinence to the plot was profound. Think about this line as it applies to all the screw-ups, errors or misstatements in your own lives. We learn more from failure than success.
  • This self-awareness is important for self-improvement. If we don’t acknowledge our mistakes, then we never learn from them. One of the best teachings by the former president is what we should not do – not recognize that we messed up and blame others for our transgressions. This is what a toddler would do. “I didn’t do it” is uttered with his hand in the cookie jar. It is not what a more mature person should do.
  • I don’t think I have enough toes and fingers to count all of my mess-ups. Thank goodness for erasers, backspace and delete keys. In fact, it would be great to have a life oriented “undo” button. Handling a break up poorly – undo. Saying something hurtful to a loved one – undo. Passing along a rumor that may be untrue – undo.
  • I wonder if ol’ Putin wishes he could press the undo button. For such a control freak, who used disinformation to build the impression that Russia is stronger than its adversaries, to make the horrible mistake of invading and failing to execute in Ukraine is telling. Russia’s economy is not large enough to support the military spending of its aspirations and the Ukraine president called the bully’s bluff and said “I am not going anywhere.” Russia has made some inroads but has also been fended off and is now viewed as a pariah.
  • Speaking of undo buttons, ol’ Boris got a vote of confidence, but the celebration is muted because of the closeness of the vote. He was fortunate to recognize he would benefit by calling Putin on the carpet for his invasion. Everyone needs a foil. Had he not been able to do so, Johnson may have been on his way out. He may still get there, but he should learn some lessons from this about lying, cover-ups and poor decisions. The question is will he?

That is all for now. Key lessons. Our mistakes make us better, not worse, unless we choose to ignore them. In that case, they can be an anchor.

Losing with dignity – tells you a lot about someone

I read yesterday that losing incumbent Congressman Madison Cawthorn is pitching his own little hissy fit plotting revenge on Republicans who spoke out against him. Does that sound familiar? Is he emulating his idol, a more widely known former president? I will leave off the reasons, but simply say the person who needs the most blame looks back from the mirror when he shaves. I have said the same thing about his idol as well.

How one takes losing speaks volumes about the character of the individual. Winning with grace is also important, but losing with dignity matters a great deal. If someone shows their hind end in the losing process, it is indicative of a person who we should be thankful he or she lost. It is also reveals a person with a fragile ego, who feels they are now being viewed as a lesser person.

In consulting or business, your proposal does not always win. Yet, a key lesson that one learns is the person or group that decides not to hire you, may be the same person or group who will decide whether to hire you in the future. If you burn that bridge after the first failure, then you may be kissing future opportunities goodbye. You may have even won the business on earlier proposals, so if you show your tail, the future revenue stream could be zero. And, zero is still zero in any currency.

I had a narcissistic colleague who was very successful. His teams won many assignments. Yet, everyone better watch out if his team lost. Hissy fit is inadequate to define what happens next. As his senior, I would use suggestions to get him to calm down before calling the client encouraging him to be careful with his words.

If that were not enough, when I attended NCAA tournament basketball games with him where his favorite team and alma mater played, I was forewarned to be prepared when things did not go his team’s way. Screaming would be inadequate to define what happened next. Livid would be a better word. What surprised me is he would be this way even with clients present or at his kid’s ballgames. When I went home after the game, I told my wife, “I will never do that again.”

Losing with dignity. I have said variations of the following on the needed occasions. “I want to thank you for the opportunity. We are obviously disappointed not to work with you on this and wish you the very best. If you need any sounding board input, please do not hesitate to call.” This message shares thanks, disappointment, and well wishes. It could be applied to other situations where you did not come out on top.

And, I can also share, on occasion, my team has been brought in after the project started, as the winner failed to live up to the expectations they created. If we had shown our hind end, that follow-up opportunity would not have existed.