Racing in Texas

My grandmother had a lot of character, but she also was a character. She loved to tell stories, the funnier the better. And, we have learned from her keepsakes, she would write down funny stories she came across. Going through my mother’s things, we came across the following story her mother recorded.

Racing in Texas

A preacher wanted to raise money for his church. Being told there was a fortune in horse racing, he decided to purchase one and enter it in the races. However, at a local auction, going prices were so steep, the preacher ended up buying a donkey instead.

He figured since he had it he might as well enter it in the races. To his surprise, the donkey came in third. The next day the racing news carried this headline:

“Preacher’s ass shows”

The preacher was so pleased, he entered it in the races again and this time he won. The news read:

“Preacher’s ass out in front”

The bishop was so upset with this kind of publicity, he ordered the preacher not to enter it in another race. The newspaper head lines that day read:

“Bishop scratches preacher’s ass”

It was too much for the bishop. He ordered the preacher to get rid of the animal. The preacher decided to give it to a nun in the nearby convent. The headline the next day:

“Nun has best ass in town”

The bishop fainted and informed the nun she would have to get rid of the donkey. She found a farmer willing to buy the animal for $10.00. The next day, the paper stated:

“Nun peddles ass for ten bucks”

They buried the bishop the next day.

My grandmother died almost twenty years ago, but her memory lives on. She was indeed a character. So, were her many brothers and sisters. We called her Big Mama, just like the matriarch in “Cat on a hot tin roof.” Unlike the character in the play, my Big Mama was very much her own person and would have given it right back to Big Daddy.  I miss her.