Workshops designed to reduce the we/ they polarization

Yesterday, I heard on NPR a report about a group workshop held in Lagrange, Texas. The workshop consists of eight Republican and Democrat voters each with a purpose to reduce the temperature on polarization. In the piece called “Red/Blue Workshops try to bridge the political divide. Do they really work?” by John Burnett of NPR’s “All things considered,” we learned more about this and other sessions.

Here are a few excerpts with a link to an article at the below.

“‘I just see our country being torn apart with polarization. And so anything that we can do to work together as Americans and depolarize our conversations is important,’ retired tax lawyer Karl Schmalz tells the group before they get started. He’s serving as a co-moderator for the workshop.”

“Betsy Harwood, retired family therapist, Democrat: ‘I think that what we see here in this room is the true America. It’s a group of people who can get together and talk politely with each other and understand each other. It’s not what we see on the news or what we see in social media. That’s not the real America.'”

“Doherty is a Minneapolis family therapist and professor who modeled the workshops on his counseling experience: get antagonists to meet face to face. A recent paper by a group of political scientists concluded that the Red/Blue Workshops ‘significantly reduced polarization’ among undergraduate students at four universities, though the results dissipated over time.”

These sessions will not be panaceas, but they head us in the right direction. They are climbing a large mountain that has been built rock by rock by public relations strategists advising politicians to “fear the other.” It is their fault the PR people tell us. They are the enemy. They will destroy our country if we let them. My purpose is not to debate the veracity of claims, but instead to say we must be better at understanding the real issues, not what we are spoon fed by opinion hosts, conspiracy parrots or politicians whose currency is not consistently truthful.

So, what can we do? Be more informed by considering multiple sources of news. Recognize opinion hosts are not news people. One news network in court said in a defamation lawsuit do not misconstrue their most popular opinion host as one of their news people. And, some opinion hosts are less inclined to be truthful to garner ratings. My suggestion is to either not watch or listen to them, or just understand better what you are hearing.

Do not get your news from social media. As Bill Maher said in an ad for a comedy tour, do not argue about Brett Kavanaugh with someone on Facebook that you knew in the fourth grade. More than a few of these opinions recorded on social media are gleaned from questionable sources. Just because someone is smug when they argue with you does not make them right, it just means they are being smug.

Demand our politicians to be more truthful. To ask them to be always truthful is a bridge too far, as politicians like to pat themselves on the back and give more credit to themselves than is due. Yet, do not let them get away with overt untruthfulness or name-calling. The blame game and name-calling is now standard fare in the lexicon of most politicians. And, we need them to work together to solve problems and serve our needs. One sided legislation will not stand the test of time as most of our problems require time to be resolved or mitigated.

We need our politicians to be among our better angels, not our worse demons. If they cannot more consistently tell the truth, then they need to step aside and let someone who can take on the role. We deserve better than this.

https://www.npr.org/2022/04/06/1090910863/red-blue-workshops-try-to-bridge-the-political-divide-do-they-really-work

A few tidbits on Black history month

Let me offer two must see movies about two American heroes – Bryan Stevenson and Dr. Vivian Thomas. Michael P. Jordan plays Stevenson in “Just Mercy” about defending Black death row prisoners who were convicted of crimes they did not commit. Stevenson faced unbelievable push back, but eventually was very successful in saving the lives of wrongfully convicted people.

Mos Def plays Thomas in the movie with Alan Rickman called “Something the Lord Made.” He was the Black surgeon who worked closely with Rickman to devise a medical procedure to save babies who died from lack of adequate blood flow, called Blue Babies. Being a Black man who had been a carpenter, he was not initially allowed to operate on White babies, even at Johns Hopkins. Yet, his carpentry skills gave him very adept hands who could perform this delicate surgery better than his co-founder could.

This movement to whitewash history to paint over the horrible and violent actions of people in power to those who do not have it is misguided and inane. We must learn from history whether it is the atrocities of slavery and the Jim Crow era, the Native American removal and genocide, the internment of Japanese-Americans during WWII, or the discrimination against other groups for perceived sins such as during the Lavendar Scare or Communist witch hunts. And, for those who want to pretend things did not happen, listen to Billie Holiday’s version of “Strange Fruit,” go to a civil rights museum close by such as in Greensboro or Washington, or Google Emmet Till or the Birmingham church bombing.

Yet, we must never forget America’s greatness is built on the input of a diverse melting pot of people. We have overcome actions and eras where those in power were none to kind to people who did not look like them (see Tulsa, Wilmington, NC where successful Black business people and elected officials were violently put down, eg). Yet, we did. But, we cannot back track on this progress kowtowing to the narrow-mindedness of pretending those things did not happen.

If we backtrack, not only is it the wrong thing to do, it is economically harmful to the whole country.

Fines, fines and more fines for unruly passengers

An airplane is hurtling through the air at over 500 miles per hour and contains a couple hundred people in a confined space. Whether you like wearing a seat belt, you do so while the plane is taking off and landing. You also pay attention to the signs to remain seated as turbulence could cause you harm. Now, the turbulence is within in the cabin – the culprits are your fellow passengers.

A CBS News piece called “Assaults, a death threat and mask refusal: Fines for unruly passengers this year top $1 million” by Kathryn Krupnik and Allison Elyse Gualtier is revealing (see link below).

“Assaulting passengers and crew. Threatening to kill flight attendants. Refusing to wear masks. Unruly passengers are still wreaking havoc on flights, and the Federal Aviation Administration announced Thursday it will request $531,545 in fines against 34 passengers for a variety of alleged bad behavior, including bringing drugs or alcohol on board. The agency said the new requests bring the total fines for 2021 to more than $1 million.”

The fines range in number, but include fines of $52,000, $42,000, $30,000, $17,000, $13,000 and $10,500 to mention only a few. Just this year, there have been 3,889 complaints about passengers, 2,867 of which are due to refusal to wear a mask.

The fines will make someone contrite rather quickly. Of course they can appeal the fines, but that is more court cost for a crime, some may not even remember very well due to their intoxication. Or, maybe they do remember it because they are just being a Class A jerk. And, the jerks are not just men, as women have shown an ability to be equally as rude as the harassing and assaulting males.

Let me speak plainly. For some reason, people feel they can simply ignore the obligations of civility and following the rules of the road. Being allowed to be rude is part of their freedom they say. But, with freedom come consequences. If your being a jerk endangers others, then you deserve to be held accountable. That is how it works.

If the requirement is to wear a mask to enter, then I suggest you get a mask. It does not matter if you are red, blue, purple or polka dot. Assaulting or cursing out a retail staff member or airline attendant does not improve your gripe. It just makes you look very small. And, in some cases, poorer due to paying fines.

https://www.cbsnews.com/news/unruly-passenger-airplane-fines-1-million/

Win or lose with class (a repeat)

This post is a repeat from three years ago, but applies still today. I wrote this originally on the anniversary of 9/11.

It seems too many of us have lost a sense of fairness in competition. Be it sports or politics, too many of us feel it matters less if the game was fair, as long as my tribe wins. That is unfortunate as we should strive to be like our better angels and win or lose with class.

Whether the sport is a team game or an individual competition, winning means so much more if it is done the right way. Also, if your team gives it a great shot, but falls short, how the loss is handled matters a great deal. As a participant and a fan, I have had my share of heartbreaking losses. I had to learn as a boy to be a better sport, which is a necessary lesson that a coach or parent must impart.

Sports is just a game. For fans, it is entertainment. For participants, it is a way to test yourself and earn a living, if you are very good at it. But, unlike gladiators, no one dies at the end. No one loses a close friend or mother. Yet, people place the utmost importance to their tribe. If their team wins, it elevates them above their routine lives. If their team loses, they feel less about themselves. To be frank, whether my team wins or loses makes me feel one way or the other, but it is about the outcome not my life.

Politics has become the same way, very tribal in nature. My party must win and your party must lose. Doing our business to solve real problems is less relevant than winning. I want real problems solved. I don’t want politicians appeasing funders. But, the more important tribe is the country for which these elected officials represent. That is what matters the most, yet we lose sight of that.

As a player, I have never been a fan of trash talking. It shows poorly on the talker and dishonors fair competition. I feel the same about labeling and name-calling a political opponent. It reveals a lack of character and a poor argument. In politics, it gets in the way of working together. I can assure you as an independent voter and former member of both parties, neither side has all the good ideas, and both have some pretty bad ones. In fact, the good ideas seem to be drowned out by ideas to solve overstated problems. It is essential to work together.

After 9/11, one of the more profound pieces of advice came from a professional basketball announcer named Gerry Vaillancourt. On his talk show after 9/11, the callers discussed what we must do to quickly get back at someone for the four attacks, one which was thwarted. Vaillancourt disagreed. He said we need to be very calm and diligent as we gather our information, taking the necessary time to get it right. Only then, should we act. He said our calmness will be unnerving. I think about his words as they came from an unexpected source and they ring so true. In life and in sport, you should be more wary of the quiet person.

To me, this is in keeping with treating others like you want to be treated. You do your very best to compete with fairness and, win or lose, do so with class. If you cheat or show your hind end, you will be remembered for that as well. And, one thing sports teaches us is how to handle failure. The very best baseball hitters will fail seven times out of ten. Even the best of boxers get knocked down. So, in life, when you do get knocked down, you get back up, dust yourself off and keep going.

Two emails – civil discourse

The following is an email response (to my earlier email) from a friend who I would say is a reasonable person and who has served his community helping folks in need. Following his response to me, I share my response with him.

What I want people to note is the civil tone we both tried to convey, even though there are areas of disagreement. My thrust is not to say what could have been said by each, but to say we can disagree without taking each other’s head off.

My friend’s response to an earlier email

“To say Donald Trump is different is to make an understatement. He’s not conservative, he’s a populist. He doesn’t believe in fiscal constraint, and that’s why he loves tax cuts AND fiscal stimulus as needed this past spring to address the pandemic. Just watch, we will have another fiscal stimulus package (even if it is Speaker Pelosi’s moderate wing that has signed a discharge petition to move forward narrow stimulus items forcing the issue before the election).

Donald Trump has many flaws (which is why I don’t feel the need to list them), but I think he really does care about regular people. I see this in his commitment to fixing the VA, even if stepping on toes. I listened to his caddy of thirty years ago turned personal assistant in his remarks at the RNC convention, and you know he’s not just self-immersed, even if he always talks thru that lens.

He doesn’t pull blue collar voters because he doesn’t listen. And similar with black and Latino voters. For a guy who’s had economic comfort his whole life, he oddly has an ear for their complaints. (A similar wealth comparison is Great Britain’s Prime Minister Clement Attlee; very rich, who after learning of British slums, became a populist Democratic Socialist who advocated for national health care, nationalized businesses, etc.)

Trump’s not different in that way. Just different in the timing of what’s been tried and what’s likely to work now. You see this in his making Obamacare less expensive so more people can afford it. This is where he’s within the fold to repeal Obamacare movement, but also for its streamlining. This is also evidenced in his desire for health care pricing transparency. And his instincts are right here. Any time one is able to price shop, it changes your behavior.

On Joe Biden, I wish he were the Joe Biden I recall from the late 80’s and early 90’s. The way he got his nomination with a consolidation of liberal endorsements doesn’t reinforce his moderation. It underscores it is at risk.

That said, there is much to be thoughtful about. And I do see the election process forcing both sides to moderate…”
************************************************

The following is my response.

“Many thanks for your thoughtful response, which is not a surprise. While he has accomplished some good things (the reduced sentencing, the first COVID-19 stimulus, eg.), I could argue policy decisions on several fronts, but I won’t. What frustrates me most is the divisive rhetoric he uses on a daily basis and the name calling as a substitute for civil discourse. I hold a lot of conservative writers and public servants in high regard and their concerns about the incumbent president are worth noting.

General James Mattis, whose departure as Secretary of Defense was of great concern to Republicans and Democrats, noted a few months ago the president does not even try to unite us. To me, that is mission one, which is a key reason I gravitate to Joe Biden, whose career is one of bipartisanship. He is getting killed by the far left for not being progressive enough and killed by the right for being too progressive. He is a moderate. You are correct, he will get pressure to be more left than he wants, but so did Obama. We should not lose sight that the two most successful Democrat presidents of late have been moderates.

David Brooks, George Will and Michael Gerson are three of my favorite conservative pundits and each are advocating for Biden to win, as are Republicans for the Rule of Law, Republican Voters against Trump and The Lincoln Project. While you were watching the Trump convention, these folks held another Republican convention also from Charlotte. I also find of interest Cindy McCain is on Biden’s transition team, should he win. That speaks volumes.

I recognize Biden is imperfect, but we need a galvanizing influence, not a divisive one. Per a Pew survey, trust in America from abroad has fallen significantly, to the extent, Putin and Xi are more trusted than the US president. This concerns me as our allied relationships have been a strength. As for socialism, many in our country do not realize our economy is one of fettered capitalism with socialist underpinnings. Social Security, Medicare, Medicaid, Unemployment, Workers Comp, eg. are socialistic programs. As Brooks touts, we need a healthy discussion on what is the proper balance of all of these programs and how do we monitor them.

Thanks again for your thoughtful remarks.”

A path forward

As we end one decade and start a new one, there are plenty of posts and articles telling us what is wrong with the world. I agree we have numerous challenges, but please remember this one truism – negative news has a higher bounce than positive news.

Since the many good things happening don’t get reported with the appropriate frequency, it is hard to avoid getting despondent. Our friend Jill has a weekly summary of about three to five good news stories (see link below to a recent one). These folks are the “points of light” the elder George Bush spoke of. We must shine a spotlight on these exemplars.

Pulitzer Prize winner Nicholas Kristof wrote a year-end column (see link below) called “2019 has been the best year in human history – here’s why.” He largely makes the above point, but cites the following observations:

“The bad things that you fret about are true. But it’s also true that since modern humans emerged about 200,000 years ago, 2019 was probably the year in which children were least likely to die, adults were least likely to be illiterate and people were least likely to suffer excruciating and disfiguring diseases.

Every single day in recent years, another 325,000 people got their first access to electricity. Each day, more than 200,000 got piped water for the first time. And some 650,000 went online for the first time, every single day.

Perhaps the greatest calamity for anyone is to lose a child. That used to be common: Historically, almost half of all humans died in childhood. As recently as 1950, 27% of all children still died by age 15. Now that figure has dropped to about 4%.”

But, what do we do about those negative stories with a higher bounce. They are real and concerning. Here are few thoughts, some of which may be Pollyanna-ish:

– engage in thoughtful discussion asking probing questions and listening – only then will you be permitted to offer your thoughts that may be heeded (“Help me understand,” “That is an interesting view, why do you believe that to be true?”, etc.).
– advocate your beliefs, focusing on the issues, not the people are parties; often one party is not 100% wrong and the other is not 100% right.
– write and call legislators – they may not be listening, but we need to let them know where we stand; calling is better, but don’t chew the head off a staff member – give it like you want to get it.
– write to the news paper, publications or other blogs, again focusing on the issues and not just wanting to disrupt.
– avoid name calling, labeling, denigration, smugness and raised voices – all of these are masking poor arguments; when I hear name calling or labeling, it raises a red flag (unfortunately, a certain global country head does this often).
– avoid less than credible sources – be a truth seeker; if they do not print or post errata when they get it wrong, it is not credible; fact check claims made by various sources, especially those who have a habit of sensationalism or conspiracy BS.
– finally, understand that almost every issue is more complex than portrayed, so solutions are less black and white; be wary of easy fixes and panaceas.

Happy New Year to all. Happy decade to all. Let’s be civil and active truth seekers.

Good People Doing Good Things — Little Things Mean A Lot

https://www.iol.co.za/news/opinion/2019-has-been-the-best-year-in-human-history-heres-why-39896456

Name-calling weakens any argument

I am an imperfect person with many faults. As an independent voter who has been a member of both parties, each party has good and bad ideas. Yet, what I find problematic are people (especially leaders) who name-call and demean others who disagree with them.

Name-calling weakens any argument and is used as a short-cut by someone whose position needs more scrutiny. Demeaning others throws water on civil discourse.

If you hear or read name-calling, dig further. Question more. Why do you say that? If you see or read where someone demeans another, dig further. Again, ask why do you use that tone or language? It diminishes your argument.

Listen more. Listen to hear, not just retort. People want to be heard. An old boss would say “we have two ears and one mouth – use them in that proportion.” After you listen, then you can question someone. “Help me understand your point,” you might say. Or, “I understand what you are saying, but I do not fully agree with your point.”

Give them the same courtesy you would want in return. Returning the name-calling gets you nowhere. Returning demeaning behavior does likewise. I am reminded of the old comment, if you want your children to hear you, whisper.

Two hopeful stories

Jeff Jackson and Nora Trotman are both running for the same State Senate seat in North Carolina, currently held by Jackson. By itself, that is not newsworthy. What is newsworthy is the civility that both are exhibiting during the campaign. It is a much needed breath of fresh air,

As reported last Sunday in The Charlotte Observer in an article entitled “Running a ‘positive’ campaign for state Senate,” the Democrat Jackson tweeted praise for Trotman, his GOP opponent. Per the Observer, he noted, “It feels like our divisions are growing deeper each day. So, let me just take a moment and commend my opponent on running an honest, positive campaign. She’s a good person and deserves your consideration.” He also included her photo and a link to her website encouraging people to find out more.

After some national attention, which brought a positive tweet from Rachel Maddow, Trotman responded with “A lot of people are running against each other rather than to represent their district…Happy our race is an exception. We need representatives not politicians!” In an interview with the Observer, she added “It’s important to have two people who really want a positive campaign and not attack each other.”

We need more stories and attitudes like Jackson and Trotman exhibited. Let me layer on one more story I heard on NPR this weekend. A piece of advice was shared from an old interview of Mister Rogers when we are facing a terrible tragedy.

The advice was being shared after the horrific shooting at the Pittsburgh temple which killed eleven people last week. Mister Rogers said in the old interview what his mother had taught him. She said “Always look for the helpers” during times of tragedy. Look for the emergency technicians, doctors, police, firefighters, and citizens as they do their best to help others during the tragedy. These people will give you hope when we need it most.

I heard these words while I was driving my car. They made me want to pull over and listen with more intent. To illustrate his point even more, the Pittsburgh shooter was taken to the nearest hospital and was nursed back to care. The hospital CEO and many of the staff are Jewish.

One of my mantras is “kindness is not a weakness.” It reveals an inner strength which is foreign to some who feel they must run roughshod over others to prove their mettle. Let’s celebrate the words and actions of Rogers, Jackson and Trotman.