A cornered animal

A cornered animal is a dangerous thing. It needs to be handled very delicately, as the animal is scared, even from those trying to help. The end result may be the same for the intervener, whether he or she is malevolent or benevolent to the animal. Or, in the case of people, the malevolence to the cornered one may because of the harm being done to many others by the animal itself.

What we are witnessing the past few weeks is the US President is like a cornered animal. He has gone full bore in trying to protect himself lashing out at anyone or any entity standing in his way. The simple reason is all the havoc he has wrought is starting to cave in on him. And, he is reverting to a basic survival instinct which is particularly vehement given his narcissistic nature. “It cannot be me, it is all those folks out to get me. The bad news about me is all fake.”

The President knows the further Robert Mueller and his team look, the more they will find. When one’s history has lacked a due diligence to work with people of integrity and is replete with untruthfulness, one should be afraid. Not working with people of integrity was the gist of a Newsweek piece on Trump well before the election. But, the fear is this goes deeper in that there may be unhealthy relationships with Russian and other nefarious actors that could be revealed.

To me, the President is guilty of obstruction of justice. He did not want people looking into his affairs, whether there is criminality or not. He took strides to prevent the investigation and actually made it worse. As Rep. Trey Gowdy said if the President is innocent, he needs to start acting like it. And, per the testimony of all our intelligence leaders, at a minimum, Trump is guilty of being an unwitting participant in Russian meddling. His echoing the words prepared by Russian hackers was gold for the intruders, which he did more than a few times.

Yet, it goes further than this. Admiring pretty women is not a crime. Neither is having extramarital affairs, although evangelicals would concur that is a sin, especially when the affairs are plural. What is a crime is sexually assaulting women. What is a crime is sexually harassing them. What is crime is using money that could be construed as campaign money to pay off women he has wronged to be quiet.

So, not only is the President being cornered on one side by Robert Mueller, his past sexual misconduct is cornering him as well. He has called one woman a liar and she is allowed to proceed with a lawsuit of defamation of character. That makes three lawsuits on sexual misconduct. But, the first defamation lawsuit may lead to others coming forward as there are sixteen or so women who have claimed sexual harassment or assault by the President.

So, my guess is this will get even more ugly in the next few months. That will make all those Republican leaders who look the other way regret not standing up to this man. And, the scarier part is this does not include his ongoing style of governance where the truth does not matter, good counsel is ignored and demeaning others who disagree is modus operandi. As the rollercoaster operator says “buckle up as it is going to be a bumpy ride.”

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Institutions and Organizations must do the right thing

My daughter is a college junior at a small college. She is flourishing in her environment and we could not be more proud. She has an enviable sense of right and wrong.

Right now she is frustrated with her college for failing to act when confronted by a sexual harassment claim by someone at the college. It was just reported the young woman and her family are suing the school and four officials. Apparently, the now former student’s harassment continued after she made her complaint with others joining in because her assailant was an athlete.

On top of this, Betsy DeVos, the Secretary of Education rescinded an Obama era requirement on colleges and universities to be more accommodating to those who file complaints. Now, more onus is placed on the victim to come forward, which will further stymie complaints.

Quite simply, institutions must stop protecting their image and do the right thing. In so doing, they will help their image by getting to the bottom of things. The Catholic Church greatly harmed themselves for decades by masking a huge problem. Penn State University failed to address a homosexual pedophile in one of their coaches after being aware of it for years.

Congress needs to do better at addressing sexual misconduct in their midst. And, our military, while doing better at addressing the tens of thousands of sexual misconduct claims, must take the added step of taking the investigation out of the chain of command or they will never reach where they need to be.

These numerous colleges and universities must do the right thing. Our daughters and sons deserve to be protected and their complaints heard. I told my daughter if something bad happens to you at the college, she should not go to the college police or town police and report it to the nearest city police. I believed this before I heard the latest news of the lawsuit.

Truth be told, small colleges are under significant financial pressures. Her college may have added to their pressures with a lawsuit which could have been avoided. Leaders must do the right thing. And, one thing they can start with is not look to leadership on this issue from the US Commander-in-chief. His reputation for sexual misconduct is renowned.

Strange definition of good men

Someone famous has come to the defense of two men, in essence, claiming each is admirable or a good man. While defending people is normally a good quality, choosing to defend these men, and being relatively silent on women they impacted shows a lack of judgment, ethic and empathy. Saying good things only about the accused and not the alleged victims or the issue shows a tone deafness to women who come forward.

These two men are accused of domestic violence against their three ex-wives. Rob Porter had two restraining orders against him from each of his two wives, Colbie Holderman and Jennifer Willoughby. So, two judges thought the claims of the women were valid so as to issue such an order. David Sorenson was accused by his ex-wife, Jessica Corbett, of being verbally and physically abusive. These accusations were shared with the FBI, which is important, as lying to the FBI is a crime.

The fact these two men were still awaiting security clearance to serve in the White House is important. A boss might ask of the FBI, “Why is this taking so long? Is there a problem?” Or, per some news reports, they may have been aware much earlier. But, the story goes beyond these two men and to two other men – John Kelly and this famous man, Donald Trump. They have both botched this mess and, instead of acting as leaders, they are relatively silent on the victims or what the two men are accused of.

The President did not say one word about the victims on Friday or the alleged heinous act of Porter, choosing only to defend Porter and wish him well. Then, even after the rightful push back, he doubled down on Saturday using different words to say the same thing. The closest he got to the victims was to call the accusations “some true and some false.” The other sad story is Kelly’s reaction and concern over when he knew. Kelly is supposed to be the grown-up in the room, but this is yet another time when he has said or done less than thoughtful things, just like his tempestuous boss.

At least the Vice President gave recognition over his concerns over the actions and the victims. One can defend someone, but not condone the actions and support the victims. Domestic violence experts note it is not uncommon for an abuser to make up for (or hide) his heinous actions by being over-the-top pleasant to others in the work place. So, Porter can be a great guy to have on your team, but be a criminal abuser at home. Domestic violence is all about control, so the abuse is not just physical, it is mental.

As for the President, I view this as a proxy for defending himself, as everything goes back to him and his fragile ego. He has been accused by 19 women of sexual misconduct. He has had numerous affairs, one of which he financially settled before the election. His first wife accused him of raping her in divorce court testimony, but later recanted. And, he would be his worst defense if ever put on trial as he has admitted to recurring sexual misconduct on at least three occasions, the most blatant of which is the Access Hollywood tape.

And, in the past few years, here is a summary of whom he has chosen to defend and not defend. He chose to defend Judge Roy Moore accepting his truth over the teenage girls (now women) whom he sexually harassed, stalked and assaulted. He chose to defend former Fox News President Roger Ailes who was alleged of sexual misconduct where settlements were reached and was eventually fired by his Board. The same support was given to Fox pundit Bill O’Reilly, who also settled claims with several women who accused him.

Trump described all of these accused in varying ways as good men. Yet, one man he did not defend was a prisoner of war and Senator, who he denigrated as “not a hero because he was captured.” He did not defend and denigrated two Gold Star parents who lost their child in war as they dared criticize him for not knowing what the constitution was all about. More sadly, I could go on.

Based on this man’s history of sexual misconduct and litigation, I remain incredulous he was elected President of the United States. His five biographers noted before the election, do not think this man will change and all of sudden become Presidential. When he slips up and does something that is such, it is actually newsworthy. Defending people is one thing, but not tolerating what they are accused of and giving credence to the victims’ claims is essential. Porter may be a good guy to you, but two judges thought he had to be restrained from seeing his wives.

Note: In the volunteer work I have done with working homeless families, about 1/3 of our clients lost their home as a result of a domestic violence situation. DV is all about control. If you know of anyone who cannot explain bruises or is missing family events on short notice or confides in you, encourage them to get help and find a way to get out. The abuser will not change, as the success rate of such is low.