Gumpish questions

I have written a few posts on asking more why questions, but let me define a few dumb questions, in the spirit of a fictitious chatacter, Forrest, Forrest Gump. It is amazing how these questions don’t leap off the news pages or out of cyberspace.

In know particular order…

Help me understand how the president can cause a problem, then get kudos (or claim such), when he solves (or lessens) his own problem?

Forrest Gump answered his drill sergeant’s question of his purpose? “To do exactly what you tell me to do, drill sergeant!” The drill sergeant called Gump a “genius” for his answer.

Help me understand how one of the largest US Christian denominations cannot resolve conflict and will be splitting in two? What message does that send?

Forrest Gump’s girl Jenny gave Forrest the best answer to danger. What should he do? “Run, Forrest, run.”

Help me understand how legislators, presidential candidates and current president don’t seem to care that our annual deficit and debt are exploding?

Forrest’s mama answered her son’s question of what is his destiny? “Life is like a box of chocolates; you never know what you are going to get.”

How can people not see the intense and elongated forest fires in Australia, Brazil and California and not think we have a new paradigm with our heating planet?

Forrest got a Purple Heart. When asked where he was shot, he said “I got shot in the buttocks. They said it was a million dollar wound, but I haven’t seen any of that money.”

How can people feel that putting a face on an opposing argument, then beating on that person can pass for reasoned counter argument (think Al Gore and Greta Thunberg)?

Lieutenant Dan showed up at dockside to honor his promise that he would be Forrest’s first mate if he got a shrimp boat. He told Forrest he wanted to get his “sea legs.” Forrest said, “But, you don’t have no legs.” “Yes, I know this,” Lt. Dan replied.

Help me understand why important people are so cavalier with their reputations by spending time with Jeffrey Epstein and underage girls (think Prince Andrew, Donald Trump, Bill Clinton)?

Forrest answered Bubba’s mother when she asked “if he was crazy or just plain stupid?” Forrest uttered his classic line, “Stupid is as stupid does.” That is a profound statement.

Small pieces of big movies

With the forthcoming Academy Awards, it might be fun to select small funny pieces or vignettes from movies that had some level of acclaim.

Annie Hall: Two small scenes that must be paired stand out. In an earlier scene Woody Allen’s character is speaking with Annie Hall’s brother. The brother notes that sometimes when he is driving at night, he briefly considers veering into an oncoming set of headlights to end it all. A few scenes later the expression on Allen’s face is priceless as guess who is driving them to the airport at night?

Forrest Gump: Two priceless scenes stand out. One is when Bubba finishes telling Forrest the many ways to cook shrimp. They are using toothbrushes to clean bathroom tile and Bubba’s says “Well, that’s about it.” Forrest pauses and then goes back to scrubbing. The other is when Lieutenant Dan shows up at the Bayou and Forrest just leaps into the water, while the now pilotless boat is still running.

Casablanca: There are countless scenes in this most quoted movie of all time. One that I love is just after Inspector Renault is forced to close “Rick’s” because he is shocked there is gambling going on, the pit boss hands the Inspector his winnings. The other is when Rick tells the Nazi Major Strasser that he came to Casablanca for the waters. When the Major replies there are no waters here, Rick says “So, I was misinformed,” with a very wry grin.

Jaws: The running gag line echoed by Roy Scheider, the land preferring lawman, is “We gotta get a bigger boat.” The other eerily funny scene is when the grizzled sea captain played by Robert Shaw got the attention of a talkative town council by slowly scraping his finger nails on a chalkboard. Yikes. Another funny scene is on the boat, after much drinking, the guys are comparing scars. At the end, Richard Dreyfus’ character points at his heart and notes the name of the girl who first broke it.

Rocky: A couple of character names for the pets gives me a chuckle. The bulldog was called “Butkus” in homage to the tough linebacker for the Chicago Bears. The two pet turtles of Rocky were humorously named “Cuff” and “Link.” As Rocky heads to the ring to fight Apollo Creed, he is wearing a robe with advertising on the back. When his manager asks him what he gets out of the deal, Rocky said he gets to keep the robe. “Shrewd,” the manager replies.

Gone with the Wind: A humorous set up occurs when Scarlett is about to get a visit from Rhett Butler in Atlanta and does not want to reveal she is on hard times. So, she has a dress made from the draperies. By itself, this is a humorous scene when the audience recognizes what she is wearing. But the funniest parody of this scene is courtesy of comedienne Carol Burnett, when she comes down the stairs with a dress made out of the drapes, including the curtain rod.

Please share with me your memorable scenes from award-winning movies. They can be funny, impactful, romantic, sensual or sensuous. Tell me who you think will take home best picture.

I just felt like running


In my younger days, I could do my best Forrest Gump impression and go for run. Unlike Forrest, there would not be older men looking out the window saying “That boy sure is a runnin’ fool.” And, I would not be running across country so much that interviewers would ask me why I ran. I would spare them the Forrest answer of “I just felt like running.”

My running post college was around a desire to get a collection of T-shirts, preferably long-sleeved ones, from the various 5K, 8K, 10K and 15K races. I was not into longer races and I was no threat to run a marathon. The road races came in handy as milestones to make me run to practice. “Well I better run a few weeks before, so I do not kill myself in the next race,” was the thought process. Nowadays, I am a walker and hiker. Running causes too much stress on the body, if you don’t have a regular routine, so the slower pace better suits the old bones.

Please note, the walking pace is not that much slower than the jogging pace had become. For some reason, I was a fast boy, but I think the bigger I got, the slow motion knob seemed to be turned on more. A few funny stories that my friends and I encountered illustrate the lack of speed this big, tall guy had even on his best day.

  • A good friend was jogging in a race on this woody 5K trail near where we live. He was one of the few people that was slower than me, only because I was younger. He could probably dust me today. He heard two women come up behind him nearing the end as they said “I think we can catch him.” My friend practically killed himself making sure he finished ahead of these two women.
  • In another race (a 10K), he and I had a small bet that I could finish ahead of him. He had actually goaded me into the race as he knew I was adding too many pounds. After some training, the race day came. I was ahead of him as we neared the last 1K when I heard this “Keith, I am going to catch you!” So, like he did with the two women, I practically killed myself to beat him. What I did not know he was spent when he yelled out, but he did not want me to know, so he hollered out his challenge.
  • Yet, to illustrate how slow I had become, I was running in an 8K race. The crowds got a little thicker as we neared the end. With about 1K to go, I apparently was wearing my suffering on my face, as I saw a little boy point me out to his father and say “Dad, look at him.” From the mouth of babes…..
  • In my younger days, I ran cross-country in high school. But, before you get too impressed, note I was a basketball player whose coach was also the cross-country coach, so I was obligated to be on the team. I have two memories, one funny and one painful. The painful one was running intervals (or gassers), which is running a series of sprints that went something like 2 x 800m, 4 x 400m, 8 x 200m. Living in Florida, in the middle of the night I would cramp up from the dehydration. Ouch.
  • The funny memory is about a fellow basketball player named Gary who had a unique style. He broke the 5K cross-country run into a series of sprints with walking intervals. So, I would pass Gary, then Gary would pass me. This would go on for the whole race until he tired, which usually meant I carried the day due to attrition. Yet, note we both were well back in the pack. So, my speed was indeed relative.

I actually have fond memories of the running. It is exhilarating to expand your lungs and do something. The pleasure of nearing the finish and completing the race is a great moment, even for the slowest of runners. Your only race is to finish and maybe beat a personal best time. I did run a Peachtree Road Race in Atlanta where the number of people is astounding. When the gun shoots to start the race, you stand there for about fifteen minutes until the crowd starts to move.  Just do not fall.

I also ran a 15K race where the namesake created a trust fund after he died to help keep the race going. It was called the Charlie Post Classic. I had the pleasure of finishing third from last in that race which was at Sullivan’s Island near Charleston, SC. Seaside, you learn quickly the difference between running down wind and up wind. On the latter, I was definitely in slo-mo mode. But, yes I did finish and not every one did.

So, if you see this walking fool on the trails, know he is running in his heart. Not much faster, but indeed running. Me and Forrest, Forrest Gump.