“Gabriel, who is that banging at the gate?” asked Peter. After returning, Gabriel said “It’s some guy with a long tie and lots of hair. He wants to see you. He says he belongs here.”
Peter approaches the man and offers his assistance. “Let me in. I belong here not that other place. I was HUGE on earth. No one did as much good as me. Before me, everything was a disaster.”
Peter looks down at his history log and reads for a few minutes, then looks at the man and says, “No, you have been assigned correctly. Our logs are very precise and I don’t glean a very altruistic life here.”
“You must be reading the fake news. They always lied about me,” says the man. Peter responded, “Sir, this is heaven, we don’t have fake news here. We know more about you, than you know yourself.”
“I was the best President ever, a successful businessman, I appointed conservative judges and people loved me at my rallies. So, let me in,” he demanded.
“Sir, you need to calm down. You were almost removed from office and the economy went into a tailspin late in your first term, so you lost your reelection. You also gave the illusion of helping people, which is worse. But, that is besides the point. You lied far more than you did not, you treated people poorly if they disagreed with you, you sexually assaulted women, you were very unfaithful to your wives, you sued hard-working people causing them financial hardship and you collected money for charity and then used it for your own purposes. No, you definitely have been assigned correctly.”
“But, but, they will be mean to me there,” said the man. “Sir, each person’s hell is designed to treat them how he treated others,” said Peter. “I wish I had better news for you. The truth hurts, sometimes.”
“This is not fair. You people must be Democrats. I want a recount. Where’s Rudy?” asked the man. “Sir, you won’t find Rudy here either.” counseled Peter.