Tuesday afternoon

The Moody Blues are a vastly underappreciated band in my view. Penned by Justin Hayward, they sang “Tuesday afternoon” about a desired tryst as two lovers chase the clouds away. Here is stanza from the middle of the song:

“I’m looking at myself reflections of my mind

It’s just the kind of day to leave myself behind

So gently swaying through the fairyland of love

If you’ll just come with me you’ll see the beauty of

.Tuesday afternoon Tuesday afternoon”

Why Tuesday I have often wondered? My speculation is the day is more unexpected for an adventure away from the weekly routine. And, frankly, Tuesday has the right number of syllables. Or, maybe it is a bow to Fat Tuesday, or Mardi Gras, as it is better known, where people celebrating it are allowed to be rash and whimsical.

Either way, we all need to be more whimsical, whether it is alone, with a lover, or with a good friend. Go on a lark. Chase the clouds away. Or, just do what lovers often do. And, being more free spirited on a day you’re not supposed to will make it more fun.

Life is too short. Sometimes we get too caught up in our routines and begin doing things by habit without even thinking about it. So, do something that breaks that routine. Whether it this afternoon or next Tuesday or some other day, just be spontaneous. Switching from the Moody Blues to Janet Jackson (now that is a segue), go on an “Escapade.”

If you take my suggestion and it is a story you can share, please feel free to share below.

I am looking for a hard headed woman – a Valentine’s Day reprise

This post was written about seven years ago. I thought of it when I was recently commenting on how our life partners lift us up and make us better. They complete us..

One of my favorite Cat Stevens (Yusuf) songs is “I’m Looking for a Hard Headed Woman.” I tease my wife (and she returns the favor) about being hard headed. But, if you look at the lyrics of this song, you will note that Stevens is singing about looking for someone who is real and not contrived. He wants someone who is hard headed about being true to herself and seeking the same in her partner.

I’m looking for a hard headed woman,
One who will take me for myself,
And if I find my hard headed woman,
I won’t need nobody else, no, no, no.

I’m looking for a hard headed woman,
One who will make me do my best,
And if I find my hard headed woman
I know the rest of my life will be blessed — yes, yes, yes.

I know a lot of fancy dancers,
People who can glide you on a floor,
They move so smooth but have no answers.
When you ask “Why’d you come here for?”
“I don’t know” “Why?”

I know many fine feathered friends
But their friendliness depends on how you do.
They know many sure fired ways
To find out the one who pays
And how you do.

I’m looking for a hard headed woman,
One who will make me feel so good,
And if I find my hard headed woman,
I know my life will be as it should — yes, yes, yes.

I’m looking for a hard headed woman,
One who will make me do my best,
And if I find my hard headed woman…

Two lines jump out at me in the song, one in the beginning and one in the end. First, he says “one who will take me for myself.” He does not want someone trying to make him into something he is not. Yet, in the final stanza, he sings “one who will make me do my best.”  He wants a partner that will help bring out the best in him. He wants his lover to believe in him and help him do the best he can. To me, that is what having the right life partner is all about.

I have used two other songs to describe my wife of now thirty-five years. In Loggins and Messina’s “Danny’s Song,” also made famous by Anne Murray, they sing in the last stanza “Love a girl who holds the world in a paper cup, drink it up, love her and she’ll bring you luck. And, if you find she helps your mind, you better take her home, don’t you live alone, try to earn what lover’s own.” Holding the world in a paper cup is a terrific metaphor for someone who is genuine, such as my wife.

The other is from Gordon Lightfoot, “Rainy Day People.” He sings “Rainy day people, always seem to know when it’s time to call. Rainy day people don’t talk, they just listen until they’ve heard it all.” My wife is the best of listeners. In fact, she would rather hear you talk about yourself, than the other way around. And, it is raining right now and she is out helping a friend, which is not unusual.

Like Stevens sings about, once he finds the hard headed woman, his life will be blessed. My wife is one who holds the world in a paper cup and knows when it is time to call. Thank goodness she is also hard headed, as well. For I am blessed…and equally hard headed.

Those what if questions

As we age, we sometimes reflect on what might have transpired if something happened differently. It is an interesting exercise, but also makes you ponder what is important to you. With this in mind, here are a few what if questions.

  • What if the girl or boy you felt madly about reciprocated with the same fervor? If that happened, then you may not have met your wonderful spouse and had your terrific children
  • What if you turned down a drink invitation from someone who would become the most important person in your life?.
  • What if you got the job you desperately wanted in another town? Would your career path have dramatically changed?
  • What if you had not changed your mind about leaving a job and went to another employer? Would you have shortchanged yourself?
  • What if you had not said yes to joining a charity group to help people in need? Would you be less open minded about the plight of others?
  • What if you not said no to a road less traveled and did not veer off to explore some wonderful venues?
  • What if you did not mend a fence with an old friend or relative before it was too late?

We are the compilation of our life experiences. Some of those experiences were heart breaking and some were exhilarating. Yet, we benefit from the learning. We benefit from the relationship, even if it ended some time ago. We benefit from the reflection we could have handled something better than we did. We benefit from opportunities as they teach us so much.

We each have loved and lost. We each have had relationships with people who cared either more or less than we cared about them. That is one of time’s oldest stories. Relationships are hard work. Finding and keeping one where you are on the same path forward is also hard, but oh so very rewarding.

Sentimental Journey

The older I have gotten it seems the more sentimental I have become. Certain scenes from movies will cause me to tear up or become emotional no matter how many times I see them.

Watching “It’s a Wonderful Life” for the umpteenth time on Christmas Eve, I am sucker for the ending. Especially moving to me is when Harry Bailey arrives and makes a toast to “My brother George, the richest man in town.” Seeing how George made such a difference through kind and courageous acts is compelling.

Another movie scene that gets me is the end of “Field of Dreams” with Kevin Costner. Ray Consuella, played by Costner, asks his father if he wants “a game of catch.” My Dad played catch with me often. So it gets me every time.

Yet, it is not just tears that can be evoked. There is no harder movie to watch than “Sophie’s Choice.” For those who have not seen this, it is Meryl Streep’s finest performance. Without giving away the plot, the movie climax will be as troubling as any you will witness.

The same holds true about a pair of movies that have similar themes. “The Boy in the Striped Pajamas” and “Life is Beautiful.” They both are about Nazi persecution. While the latter is in Italian with subtitles, it is both terribly sad and uplifting at times, with the love of a father for his son and wife.

There are certain movies where we know the endings will be tough. “La Bamba” and the “Buddy Holly Story” are sad for the same tragic event which took the lives of three entertainers. “Terms of Endearment” was heading toward the ending from the outset. All are wonderful movies.

Yet, what seems to impact me most are parent/ child moments in movies. For that reason, I will end with “Steel Magnolias,” which had a wonderful cast surrounding the mother/ daughter relationship of Sally Field and Julia Roberts. Two scenes stick out – the first is the scene in the beauty parlor where we first realize Roberts’ character is diabetic as she goes into insulin shock. The second is the cathartic moment when Olympia Dukakis’ character offers up her sour-puss friend Weezer (Shirley McClain) as a punching bag for comic relief to the grief stricken mother.

This is by no means a complete list. What are some of your favorite sentimental scenes?

 

A few difficult movies to watch, but you must

My wife and I watched “Twelve Years a Slave” a few days ago. We had put it off, but finally decided we needed to embark down the path, purposefully choosing an afternoon showing, rather than viewing it just before bed. It was a very tough movie to watch, but it is probably one of the most impactful movies I have seen recently. It makes you watch hard truths and learn that this is how not to act or treat people.

It made me think of some other movies that were equally hard to watch. I will avoid the plots where possible, as some readers may have not seen the movies and I do not want to spoil the endings. But, do watch these movies, as they are needing to be seen more than ever, with some extremists ramping up their dialogue to treat people differently.

“Sophie’s Choice” is probably the hardest movie I have ever had to watch. It also is an exemplar of one of the finest acting performances you will ever see with Meryl Streep playing the title character Sophie at various times in her life. The movie focuses on the atrocities of the Nazis and I will leave it at that.

Along these same lines are three movies – “Schindler’s List,” “The Boy in the Striped Pajamas” and “Life is Beautiful.” All three focus on the maltreatment of Jews during the Nazi regime, but the latter is around the imprisonment of an Italian Jewish family. “Schindler’s List” is the more infamous movie, but the others are indeed worth watching.

Three more movies regarding the stomping on US civil rights of African-Americans which are difficult to watch include “42,” “The Help” and “The Butler.” Even though each are entertaining, the violation of civil rights shows through and serves as a backdrop that leaves you uneasy. And, it should. The fact they are entertaining will get more people to see them and experience the unease.

A movie that may not get as much notoriety, but is worth the watch is “Missing” with Sissy Spacek and Jack Lemmon. The movie is about two at odds people, in a wife and her father-in-law, looking for their missing husband and son in Central America after it becomes apparent, the US aided a military coup. This movie is so well acted and laid out, you are taken along on their quest.

I recognize fully I have left off a number of movies. I also recognize I have left off movies that I have not seen, which are equally atrocious. So, I would love to hear your thoughts on some needed, but difficult movies to watch. And, we do need to watch.