Leaning in – a few additional thoughts

My friend Emily January, who blogs at The Bookshelf of Emily J, recently reviewed the book “Lean In: Women, Work and the Will to Lead” by Sheryl Sandberg. Emily does her normal wonderful job of summarizing her thoughts on the book and offering her opinion. Since she attracts a great audience, she elicits a number of thoughtful comments. Rather than repeat her write-up, I encourage you to check it out by hitting the enclosed link at the end of this post.

I shared with Emily I would read the book and share my thoughts. Emily and others have felt the book is a great conversation starter, but were looking for something more in-depth. They also felt the book is geared toward women who have choices and not necessarily for those who cannot afford to lean in at their jobs or they will be fired. I had heard the latter concerns as well. Hear are my few thoughts.

I agree the book is not in-depth, but I do find it of value in pushing women (and men) to advocate for themselves. I like Sandberg’s using examples where she encourages women to sit at the table when they gravitated toward the side chairs in a conference room. I like that she seeks her partner out to do more, as raising a family and working in a stressful, travel filled job is hard. I like that she speaks of career progression as more of a jungle gym of moves rather than a ladder upward. I like that she acknowledges that it is OK to move after giving a job a fair chance and benefitting from the experience.

And, I like her noting that you have to disconnect from work, otherwise you will burn out and be less effective. The quote from Colin Powell on this is priceless where he notes there are times when the job can be very time consuming, but there are times when it is not. When it is not, use that time to go be with your family. Don’t feel like you have to be present at work after hours when it is not needed.

However, I do agree that book is written more for women (and men) who have choices and a better education. Also, for people with jobs that can be done from home on occasion, it is a better guidebook. For those women who work tirelessly in jobs they are not fond of, or in jobs where you could be fired if you don’t show up or are routinely late, it is less applicable. I do think there are takeaways for those women and men, but these folks need to be more mindful of when they choose to lean-in.

I think it is a good read for women and men. It will definitely start the conversation. Now, link up with Emily’s post and offer comments. I would appreciate any thoughts here as well.

http://thebookshelfofemilyj.com/2014/05/07/women-at-work-leaning-in/

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My friend Carol who “leaned in” years ago

For those of you who follow the wonderful blog called “The Bookshelf of Emily J”  you know that she recently highlighted Sheryl Sandberg’s book called “Lean In: Women, Work and the Will to Lead.” The post can be found with the attached link: http://emilyjanuary.wordpress.com/2014/05/07/women-at-work-leaning-in/. After reflecting more on Emily’s post, I decided to tell a story about my friend Carol who during the early part of her career realized she was not doing what she wanted to do and did something about it.

The fact that she realized she was not fulfilling her dream is not the story, as many come to this realization. The story is she did something about it and took a leap of faith back into her dream. Carol had always wanted to be a social worker, but she listened to the counsel of her father and studied something more practical in college that would gain her a better paying career. Unfortunately, he was focused on the economic value of the career and not the psychic value of helping those in need.

So, she got a great education from a wonderful college and embarked on a career with a major electric utility. She was doing very well, but something was missing. She did not know what until she began volunteering with a crisis assistance organization that helped people who were about to be evicted from the homes or have their power shut off. Through this community service, she rediscovered her social worker mindset and calling. So, she sought and discovered opportunity with this agency.

Since she also had the business mindset from her schooling, she was able to leverage her heartfelt desire to help those in need. Eventually, she became the Executive Director of this organization and has successfully led them for many years. Because of her solid reputation, she is also a go-to person for many community efforts or to be a spokesperson on the plight of those in need. She lends her voice to those whose voice cannot be heard.

I like many things about Carol. But, in my dealings with her, she listens to what others have to say and she is comfortable enough in her own skin to change her opinion if you present good arguments. Yet, she is also confident enough to stick to her guns when she feels she is in the right. And, she can sway those who may disagree with her through her intellect and conviction. Many new ideas have been piloted through her involvement, whether directly or indirectly. She is a wonderful partner. There is an old saying about change. When you are looking to have change, make sure you have people on the bus that will help move it forward. You want Carol on that bus.

Carol leaned in early on. She changed the arc of her career to do something she loved. She rediscovered her passion. Yet, she is also someone who you want to work with. That is one of her true gifts. Together, with Carol on board, we can solve many more problems than without her involvement. She is one those “lights” that President George H.W. Bush spoke of so many years ago. Thanks Carol. You are one of her lights. In fact, you are a gem.

“I’m a Man” versus “I am Woman” – an interesting distinction on song lyrics

Two songs. Two very different songs. Muddy Waters sang in his wonderfully unusual style about his manhood in “I’m a Man.”  Several years later, Helen Reddy pronounced to the world “I am Woman.” These are two very different songs with different meanings based on the difference in men and women’s psyche and self-esteem. These songs may be one reason why Sheryl Sandberg’s book “Lean In” resonates with so many. Here are excerpts from each song, the first being from Waters, the second from Reddy.

Waters sang:  I’m a man

I’m a full-grown man. Man

I’m a natural-born lovers man. Man

I’m a rollin’ stone. Man-child

I’m a hoochie coochie man.

While Reddy sang: I am woman, hear me roar. In numbers too big to ignore

And I know too much to go back an’ pretend ’cause I’ve heard it all before

And I’ve been down there on the floor. No one’s ever gonna keep me down again

Oh yes I am wise. But it’s wisdom born of pain

Yes, I’ve paid the price. But look how much I gained

If I have to, I can do anything. I am strong (strong)

I am invincible (invincible). I am woman

I recognize this comparison could be viewed as unfair, as one is singing about sexual prowess and the other is shouting to fellow women that they can do anything, so don’t let people deny you that chance. However, you don’t hear many songs with this kind of title about men which do not speak to sexual prowess. In other words, a man’s self-esteem could be viewed as too tied up in his perception of his sexual prowess. The movie with Jack Nicholson, Ann Margaret, Rita Moreno, Candace Bergen, Art Garfunkel, etc. called “Carnal Knowledge” was about this very point. When you do hear more impactful songs about men, it is usually about becoming a man due to events such as the one about “Patches” who had to grow up quickly after his father died or about men working hard in the fields or mines to feed their families. This is what being a man is about.

However, the reason for Reddy’s anthem is women, unlike men, have not received the opportunities and, in many cases, still don’t today. I am reminded to this day of three female colleagues that became prominent in their professions, who each started out as Administrative Assistants in the early 1970’s. They took the only viable job to get ahead that a man would dare not take at the time. The context of Reddy’s song is important as well, as it was at the very beginning of the women’s movement. Bella Abzug, Betty Friedan and Gloria Steinem were just getting started when this song burst onto the scene. And, it should not be a surprise that it did become an anthem for the movement.

As a 55-year-old man, I have written about the concerns of many that unless a community, society or country embraces the equal rights for women, their economy will not flourish like it could. I recognize that some may flourish due to an abundance of a natural resource in their borders, but that wealth does not flow to everyone and, in some of these places, women are treated as chattel. Nicholas Kristof and Sheryl WuDunn have written about this very issue in “Half the Sky.” You can access a post I wrote on this troubling book with the following link:

https://musingsofanoldfart.wordpress.com/2013/04/20/half-the-sky-turning-oppression-into-opportunity-for-women-worldwide/

Men don’t need to have songs written about “I am man, hear me roar” as opportunities have abounded. Men also have tended to have higher expectations that women also need to embrace more. That is Sandberg’s point in her book. Lean in as you deserve this chance just as much as a man does. Just today, I read an article by Catherine Rampell, an economics writer in the Washington Post, about women in college that would tend to shy away from a major where they earn their first “B” whereas male students would recover from a “C” with their esteem not as tarnished. Her point is the male student expected to succeed in the major more so than the female student who may have received a better grade.

So, let’s continue to look for opportunities for women, as well as teaching our boys what being a man really is all about. It is the same thing that applies to women – being responsible and being accountable. If we give women an equal opportunity, we are doubling our chance to succeed. These other countries need to know they are competing in a global world with at least one arm tied behind their back. As Reddy sang, the voices of women are “in numbers too big to ignore.”