Fleetwood Mac fans will know this is the second line of the song whose title are the first two words of its opening sentence, “Monday morning you sure look fine.” It is about a fickle love interest, that by the end of the week has sown enough doubt, her partner is looking to leave. Yet, when he talks of leaving, she heightens her interest in him and he stays.
It reminds me of the old line, we don’t know what we want until it is gone. Think of why Rhett Butler’s line at the end of “Gone with the Wind” is so impactful. Rhett has had enough of Scarlett and her being smitten with Ashley Wilkes. So, as she pleads for him not to go and asks what shall I do? his response of “Frankly, my dear I don’t give a damn” brought down the house using a curse word not usually heard in popular movies in 1939.
People play too many games with the hearts of others. Most often, it is due to the games player not being as in love with the partner as the partner is in return. So, the partner who is more smitten has to put up with a lot more. The games player wants to cover his, her or their options, so plays both ends against the middle, as Scarlett O’Hara did.
It is funny, my sweet mother was kind to every one, but the one character she did not care for was Ashley Wilkes. She did not like he was emotionally unfaithful to his wife and that he would not tell Scarlett “no.” On the flip side, Melanie Wilkes was a saint and there were many times you wanted her to confront her wishy-washy husband.
It is refreshing when people shoot straight with each other. Yet,it should not be so hard. Who should reveal love interest first? Does the partner love me as much as I do the partner? The hesitancy in these cases may relate to that “commitment” word that scares people, yet it is a variation of the games playing.
One of the scenes which speaks to this topic came in the movie “An American President” with Michael Douglas and Annette Bening. Paraphrasing, Bening’s character says I am going to fumble this around, so bear with me. I am in love you with, for that I am certain….I love this scene as she tells him I am going to not say this well, but please listen. It reminds me how nervous each of us are when we first utter those words.
So, if we shoot straight with people, fighting our nerves along the way, maybe, just maybe, we can avoid those fickle relationships. And, we should not be scared of the word “no.” Knowing that another does not and will not feel the same about you is both painful and liberating. My educated guess is we all have been on the wrong side of this conversation more than once. And, the sun did come up the next day.
Very thoughtful post Keith on the intricacies of Human Nature & behaviour. It is probably easier for an average person to grasp Quantum Mechanics than how love work.
I can recall a charming short story from my childhood broadcast on the radio. (Bearing in mind this would be cusp of 50/60s).
It was read from the viewpoint of man whose friend had met a woman and they argued, constantly but nevertheless married, and still argued, over everything. One day after a while the reader met his friend who was very concerned about his wife, she apparently was very muted, very little withdrawn and tended to agree, the man was worried she might not love him anymore ‘the spark’ had gone. She too felt there was something wrong but feared illness so went to the doctor. The reader accompanied his friend back home to await the results.
The wife returned bemused but content, the explanation was simple, she was pregnant and the doctor had assured her changes in mood were not unknown. There was relief all round.
The story ended with the reader saying ‘And I left they cheerfully arguing over names for the child’
Roger, terrific story. They had a kindred passion to be outspoken. I think of either had a more introspective mate, the outcome may have been different. Your story reminded me of a baseball team in the 1970s, that won three straight championships. Several teammates fought like cats and dogs, sometimes with their fists. But, when they got on the field, there were excellent as a team. Maybe this couple just needed to get their feelings out to make things work. Candor need not be so dramatic, but it does help. Keith
The soccer team of the 1990 era Wimbledon reached near legendary status with that kind of relationship (On one occasion one player being ‘booked’ by the referee for an assault on a team mate during a match).
What works for some… as it were.
Roger, now that is an interesting role the referee played. As for the argumentative couple, to each his or her own. Keith