Many of us have written about how divided we are as a nation. We are more divided than ever, but what does not get written about enough are what brings us together. We do not hear or read as much about the good news stories or people just getting along. Our friend Jill does a weekly post on these kinds of good news stories, but her frequency of covering good news is greater than that of most news publications.
One of the things I have observed in my many years is people will set up we/ they groupings, even when they do not need to or it serves no purpose. I recall a true story from 1987, when a large housing development we moved into had a North side and a South side. At a party, I heard someone make reference to “those folks in the North side” not being good people like us. Really, I thought. This person made up an artificial group to fear and ridicule. Now that is inane.
So, the first step to breaking down barriers is not to create them. Try to avoid we/ they groupings. If we do that, there is no one to blame for our troubles but us. A good step down this path is do not identify yourself as a member of a group unless you actually have to in response to a question. I am guilty of taking pride in being an independent voter, but even that is a grouping. I do that to get my message heeded by members of political groups, but it is still a banner I am waving.
When I hear or see people put down someone for the way they look, worship or love or their heritage it builds off we/ they barriers that have been created. For a diverse country, we tend to complain about the most superficial of things. Just taking food as a counterexample, think of the rich diversity of choices we have as consumers to eat a variety of foods from around the world. We even have “fusion” restaurants that blend together tastes from Asia and Mexico or Italy and Greece, for example. A Hawaiian pizza did not originate in Italy and Fried Chicken and Waffles is alleged to have started in California not the south.
If we can eat these wonderful foods from diverse sources, I think we can break down a few barriers. Think of it as breaking bread with people with different backgrounds. If we did not eat a variety of foods, we would certainly live in a bland world. And, think of how more seasoned the conversation will be as we delve into histories and mutual interests.
So, test yourselves. Lessen the identification of groups. Don’t define yourself by where you go to church and especially not how you vote. An old line comes to mind that is less applied now, but don’t ever bring up religion or politics at a party, as it will start an argument. If you must, focus on an issue at hand, not the grouping. The one group that matters is the human race. Let’s be better human beings.
musingsofanoldfart 
Yes people will always invent groups. Our tutor runs two distinctly different writing groups that meet together only at the summer BBQ and Xmas Dinner. Inevitably people cluster with their own group, though I like to think I always mix with the others. Membership of each has changed over the years, but alas we still talk of ‘the other group’ being odder than us! In recent times Brexit and Covid vaccination created rigid opposing sides that would not have existed in the first decade of this century.
Tidalscribe, that is a great example and not an uncommon one. One of the colleges we visited for my oldest son had only round tables in the cafeteria. The guide explained round tables invited small groups or individuals to sit with others. To this point, the US Capitol building used to have an eating area that encouraged the same thing. They took it down, I think back in the 1990s as the party leaders did not want cross-fraternization. That is inane. So, today the people don’t have natural gathering places and have to make an effort. To me, that is a disservice to our country. Keith
Simply live and let live. It also frees you the most when you don’t always check on what others do “right or wrong” in the way they live.
Erika, so true. We should just follow that golden rule advice and more things will work themselves out. Being taught to fear the other has been around since there have been leaders. We need to ignore that kind of talk as it is unproductive. Keith
Exactly, because it leads to the opposite of what we want. It reminds me of a saying here: Do unto others as you would have others do unto you.
Can we get an Amen.
BRAVO!!
I’d like to add that the “division” has gotten so bad in this country that longtime friendships have even been destroyed. I’m right … you’re wrong has become the phrase-of-the-day.
Nan, you are so right. Friendships as well as relations with relatives have suffered. Based on what I have read from multiple sources, people like Donald J. Trump do not care very much about your relationship with others caring mainly whether you like him. His liking you is irrelevant provided you are doing something for him at all times. Keith
Thanks Nan.
Seems so simple to get this right, and so important, yet such strong forces intervene. I wish there were more public discussions of the psychological and sociological factors that underlie divisions.
Of course, the appearance of “alternative facts” and social media platforms that exaggerate outrage and reinforce differences are huge influences behind divisiveness.
A very worthy topic, Keith. Thanks!
Annie, many thanks. I am glad you mentioned the alternate facts issue. I think when we hear someone espouse the absurd, we could listen their to point of view and say do you really believe that or are you just saying it for reaction? The key is to listen which gives us the right to respond. If someone cites Alex Jones, you could say he will have to work extra hard as his wallet is $49 million lighter because of his lying. Keith
Much food for thought here, my friend. (Thanks for the mention of my ‘good people’ posts, by the way!) I find that I am a flawed human and there have been a number of groups, especially in the last 10 years, that I rail against, largely because of socio-political issues. I am unlikely to stop hating on those who view Black people as 2nd class citizens, or those who think LGBTQ people don’t deserve space on planet Earth, but because of your views, I do find myself toning it down or scaling it back more often than not. I’ll never be perfect, never be able to be buddy-buddy with people who are violent or disrespectful, but … I’ll try harder. Good post, Keith.
Thanks Jill. You don’t give yourself enough credit. With that said, we all could do better. It is so easy to fall into this trap. Keith
Thank YOU, my friend. It is, indeed, easy to fall into this trap. Sigh.
Note to Readers: If you have a significant other, you have likely attended your other’s holiday party for work. Have you noticed you usually have a better time if you just be yourself and not put on airs or set your own barriers. You are already not part of a group, so you can choose to join in or hold back. I have also noticed groups that are generally welcoming will have an impact on your enjoyment.
My wife and I try to do this when hosting a party like we did last night. We try to engage everyone in conversation welcoming their input, but especially newcomers to the group. In other words, we do our best to remove barriers. My wife is very good at this as she is the best of listeners. She might say Jason, tell us about yourself.
It is actually easier to not set up barriers than to put them up. All it takes is conversation.
Your advice sounds simple. But I think humans are basically group oriented. I think it’s in our DNA to need to belong. Part of belonging often strays into group think, which strips us of our unique individuality and numbs our brains. A lot of group think leads to trivial observations and classifications as you point out. I try really hard not to jump on the bandwagon. Trumps iconic hair is not the problem. His selfishness is. His grossly mismanaged body is not the problem. His selfishness is. Likewise, Ted Cruz’s resemblance to Vladimir Dracula is not the problem. His political ideology is. But it is so tempting to take those cheap shots….Mea culpa. sometimes.
Thanks Linda. Well said. Your points are well taken. You are right about wanting to be in a group. And, there are many wonderful groups out there – book clubs, gardening clubs, choral groups, bands, chess clubs, etc. But, for the most part groups like this do not make waves with other people. Part of this is the name calling that goes with group identification. While most churches are wonderful places to belong, there are certain churches who go out of their way to ostracize others who don’t fit their definition. Same goes with political groups and sports fan clubs, such as avid college team supporters. Thanks for your commentary about why certain politicians are problematic. Keith