Don’t point a finger when you can lend a hand – a repeat message

“Don’t point a finger when you can lend a hand.” Sounds profoundly simple doesn’t it? Yet, why is it such a underutilized approach? One of our friend’s father was good with his hands, but also had a big heart. Before he passed away, it was not uncommon for him and a group of handymen from his church to visit sites of hurricanes and help people repair and rebuild.

Even though you may not be a handy person yourself, volunteering to help means a great deal to the community, but also yourself. Probably the most exhausted I have ever been is when a work group from my company helped build a Habitat for Humanity house. I was so tired, this right-handed person was hammering up the insulation with his left hand at the end of the day. But, I also felt very rewarded in doing something good.

Yet, you do not need to have carpentry tools in your hands to help others. Use your skills, experiences and contacts to help others. Help people with their resumes, prepare for interviews or presentations, or dress to impress with your donated clothes. Or, better yet, help them with contacts to companies that could help them network or get hired. As someone who has helped homeless families, a key stumbling block is these families have exhausted their networks or their circle of friends and family are in a similar situation

One of the key skill sets the licensed social workers (at the agency I volunteered with) taught their clients is how to budget. What is a need versus a want? And, sometimes they did this with tough, but empathetic love. I recall the story of one woman laying her head down on her dining room table to cry as the bills piled up. The social worker said I know it is tough, but we must go through them and figure out what and how much we can pay and who we need to call for more time.

A minister named Bob Lupton who lives with his family among the folks he helps wrote a great book called “Toxic Charity.” We were so impressed by the book, we invited him to speak to volunteer groups here. His main message is don’t do for someone what they can do for themselves. True charity should be reserved for emergency. We should help people climb a ladder, but they need to climb it. Those Habit for Humanity recipients had to first put in sweat equity on other houses before they could work on their own house.

One of the things Lupton said is also telling. In your churches, business groups and organizations, sits an abundance of skill sets. Encourage these folks to offer those skills to help others. Maybe they could help someone start a business, maybe they could help teach or nurture a talent like baking, cooking, carpentry, or computer skills or maybe they could help look after children while the parents go to some night classes to get a GED or achieve a community college degree.

The key is there is little use to point a finger to blame people for their situation. Maybe they did make some bad decisions that greased the skids for their problem. Maybe they trusted the wrong guy and he was abusive or stole from her. Maybe they were not strong enough to say no to bad things. Maybe they had to forego car repairs and it broke down. Maybe they lost one of two jobs. Maybe they were too passionate in the moment and did not insist on using birth control.

In the group I helped, 1/3 of the homeless working families we helped were homeless due to domestic violence. These families lost half their income, their home and were beaten by an abusive person. The level of PTSD in these families is as high or higher than that of a combat veteran. Not knowing where your next meal will come from or seeing your mother battered and embarrassed is a hard pill to swallow.

We all make bad decisions. We all find ourselves in circumstances where we wonder how it got to this point. But, many of us have better support groups that will help us through. I am reminded of the line from the Madonna song “Papa don’t preach, I’m in trouble,” where the daughter asks for help and gets it after she screwed up.

So, don’t point a finger when you can lend a hand. We have all needed one from time to time. Happy holidays all.

About that insurrection thing

Per ABC News on January 5, 2024:

“In the three years since the Jan. 6, 2021,assault on the U.S. Capitol, federal prosecutors have charged more than 1,265 defendants across nearly all 50 states and D.C. and secured sentences of incarceration for more than 460 people, according to newly released numbers from the U.S. Attorney’s Office in D.C.”

Further, 718 people have pled guilty, some of which are likely included in the 460 incarcerated folks.

But, of course, MAGA fans say the former president did nothing wrong. These fans still believe what his Attorney General William Barr called “bulls**t” to his face regarding the former president’s claims of election fraud.

Three things are certain:

-the former president has had ample opportunity to prove his claims of election fraud, but has failed miserably losing EVERY recount, audit and review and all but one of about 65 court cases.

-Fox News has settled two of their five court cases on defamation where internal emails show that many at the network knew the former president could not prove his claims, but aired them as fact, gaslighting their public. So far, Fox is out approximately $1.1 billion in restitution to those they defamed (and counting).

-Two months before the 2020 election, I read an article saying the former president had already hired over 1,000 attorneys to contest the election and also put someone in charge of the USPS to hobble the mail-in process knowing most of those ballots would be against him.

These three stories are all true. The following is speculation. The insurrection would not have happened if an accountable and responsible person was in the White House. The former president caused the circumstances, invited would be insurrectionists to DC, wound them up, then sicced them on the Capitol building telling them to “hang Mike Pence.” Per Cassidy Hutchinson’s book “Enough,” he also had metal detectors removed when he spoke to the crowd beforehand, so they stormed off to the Capitol possibly armed.

Former Republican Vice President Dick Cheney called the former president a “coward” for lying to people about the election fraud. Cheney says the former president knows he lost the election and lost big. I agree. In my view, he is also a traitor. Call me crazy, but we should not elect someone who betrayed our country. As his niece Mary Trump said “My uncle will burn it all down to avoid losing the election.” We should avoid giving him more matches.

Both Sides Now – a repeat tribute to a worthy and universal song

Ladies and gentlemen, once again, Joni Mitchell.

From where I sit, one of America’s greatest songwriters is Joni Mitchell. Perhaps my favorite song of hers is “Both Sides Now.” Ironically, it was popularized by Suite Judy Blue Eyes herself, Judy Collins. I also enjoy Neil Diamond’s version with his deeper voice, but Judy’s version is the one most folks know. First, let’s take a peek at the lyrics:

Bows and flows of angel hair
And ice cream castles in the air
And feather canyons everywhere
I’ve looked at clouds that way

But now they only block the sun
They rain and snow on everyone
So many things I would have done
But clouds got in my way

I’ve looked at clouds from both sides now
From up and down, and still somehow
It’s cloud illusions I recall
I really don’t know clouds at all

Moons and Junes and Ferris wheels
The dizzy dancing way you feel
As every fairy tale comes real
I’ve looked at love that way

But now it’s just another show
You leave ’em laughing when you go
And if you care, don’t let them know
Don’t give yourself away

I’ve looked at love from both sides now
From give and take, and still somehow
It’s love’s illusions I recall
I really don’t know love at all

Tears and fears and feeling proud
To say “I love you” right out loud
Dreams and schemes and circus crowds
I’ve looked at life that way

Oh but now old friends are acting strange
They shake their heads, they say I’ve changed
Well something’s lost but something’s gained
In living every day

I’ve looked at life from both sides now
From WIN and LOSE and still somehow
It’s life’s illusions I recall
I really don’t know life at all

I’ve looked at life from both sides now
From up and down and still somehow
It’s life’s illusions I recall
I really don’t know life at all

In addition to melancholic and reflective nature of the song, “Both Sides Now” resonates with me as it makes you think of issues, events and people from different perspectives. How we view things is based on our history of experiences. A line from the Heart song “Straight on for You” would reinforce this “what the winner don’t know the gambler understands.”

Mitchell starts with clouds as we lie on our backs and reflect. I find this a clever metaphor. Yet, what you see in the clouds can and will change. Not to mention when you ask someone else what he or she sees, you are likely to get a different answer. So, we really don’t know clouds at all, as what can be seen varies, even with the same observer.

But, the same holds true for love and life, as well. In the US, about half the people who get married, eventually get divorced. Once the passion abates from its peak, people have a different set of experiences and perspectives. As an old fart who has been married for thirty-eight years, it is important that you like your spouse, as well as love her or him. If you don’t, then your marriage will have some challenges. So, we all have viewed love from both sides now.

This goes hand-in-hand with life, as well. Think back on how many opinions of yours have changed over the years. Think back on who you thought were true friends, who you do not involve yourself with anymore. Think back on how it was to struggle with a budget and how it is far easier to make ends meet when you have some money. With the number of people who have been exposed to the precipice of poverty or who have fallen over the cliff, many never imagined that this could happen to them. Your perspective changes when you have to stand in a line to collect unemployment benefits or go on food stamps.

I was thinking about this song after I read the post by Emily January on “Zenzele: a letter for my daughter,” especially when she speaks of the two men you will meet – the one you will be madly in love with and the one who will be your rock to live with day-in and day-out. I also believe my love for this song is a reason why I enjoy Malcolm Gladwell’s books. He describes himself as an outsider based on how he looked and who his parents were, a multi-racial couple (one from Jamaica and one from England) growing up in Toronto. So, he has an uncanny ability to see things from both sides or at least two perspectives. He is constantly challenging normative thoughts and beliefs as he can see things from an outside in perspective.

Joni, as per usual, you got it right. Your song stands the test of time due to the underlying truth in the lyrics. Thanks for setting your wonderful scripted words to such a beautiful melody.

Peddling former president paraphernalia

On a trip to the beach traveling through South Carolina, I saw two retail stores related to the former president. They each had “TRUMP STORE” in big letters complete with numerous American flags. 

It should be noted the sign on the second one said “Only Patriots Allowed” so I guess we should shout something pro-Trump so we can enter using their definition of patriot, whatever that means. We passed on the opportunity. To me, their patrons support a person who betrayed our country and divided (and still divides) us further. That does not sound much like a patriot to me. His niece Mary Trump said “he will burn it all down to avoid losing the election” while former Republican Vice President Dick Cheney called him a “coward” for lying to his fans.

It reminded me of the Mel Gibson movie “The Patriot” ironically based, in part, on the infamous American patriot Francis Marion of South Carolina who was known as “The Swamp Fox” as he battled the British. His namesake Marion, SC is only twenty miles from where we spotted the second store. Marion was fighting for our freedom from British rule, while Trump’s patriots are supporting an illicit acting and bullying person who acts like the king that George was. Like king George, some have questioned his mental acuity.

As we passed the first store, my wife said aloud “you have to be kidding me.” Then, we saw the second one and she lamented “there is another one.” To me, this is clear evidence that Trump is the barker for the traveling medicine show. You know the one selling mostly alcohol in a medicine bottle that will cure all of one’s ails.

To me, this shows Trump should not be taken seriously as he and his followers want to peddle his wares. Of course, I have often said what Trump spews is his sales schtick where truth and lies don’t matter – sales do. I even saw wife Melanie is peddling something. I guess someone has to pay his legal bills and fines. Buy a Trump bible, a Trump constitution, a Trump cap, etc.

I tell you what we should do. We should tell him we will all buy some Trump merchandise if “you will just go away.” Stop hurting our country. Stop lying and bullying people. Stop groping women without their permission. Stop treating our allied relationships as transactions. And, as former Republican Vice President Dick Cheney said above, stop being a “coward” and accept that you lost the election. And, Cheney added “Trump knows he lost and lost big.”

Oh, lord please don’t let me be misunderstood (once again, with feeling)

“Don’t Let be Misunderstood” is a song written by Bennie Benjamin, Horace Ott and Sol Marcus for the singer and pianist Nina Simone, who first recorded it in 1964. The song has been covered by many artists, most notably by The Animals, whose blues rock version of the song became a transatlantic hit in 1965. (Per Wikipedia). Cat Stevens does a meaningful interpretation as well, as he tempers the sound so the words seep through.

The song has an important message, but first here are the lyrics.

“People, do you understand me now,
If sometimes I feel a little mad
Don’t you know no one alive can
Always be an angel
When things go wrong I seem a little sad
But I’m just a soul whose intentions are good
Oh Lord, please don’t let me be misunderstood

You know sometimes, I’m so carefree
With a joy that’s hard to hide
Sometimes seems that all I have is worry
And then you’re bound to see my other side
But I’m just a soul whose intentions are good
Oh Lord, please don’t let me be misunderstood

If I seem edgy, I want you to know
That I never mean to take it out on you
Life has its problems and I get more
Than my share
But that’s one thing I never mean to do
I don’t mean it

People, don’t you know I’m only human
Don’t you know I have faults like any one
But sometimes I find myself alone regretting
Some little thing; some foolish thing
That I have done,
But I’m just a soul whose intentions are good
Oh Lord, please don’t let me be misunderstood

Don’t let me be misunderstood
I’m just someone whose intentions are good
Don’t let me be misunderstood,
Don’t let me be misunderstood”

My wife suggested I include this song in a post. She feels people are being misunderstood as others are not taking the time to listen. If we listen to each other, the context of a comment will finds its way in. Once you listen, you then have earned the right to be heard in return. A key part of the song is to start out with assuming the intentions are good. That may be giving too much credit, but if we listen first, we can ask better questions.

I have often written about Daryl Davis, an African-American man who has convinced more than 200 white men to leave the Ku Klux Klan. He said he did it by listening. Then, he would ask a few questions and listen some more. He observed that people, even with strong opinions he disagreed with, just want to be heard. By listening, he would ask probing, thoughtful questions that made the person think.

I truly admire this man, his courage and his approach. If we emulate him, we can have better conversations. Using his approach, we can find some common ground. And that is more than a good start.

Kicking kids off healthcare could be called bullying

A headline from The Guardian for an article by Richard Luscombe speaks volumes – “Florida ‘callously’ strips healthcare from thousands of children despite new law.” The subheadline puts the blame squarely on the shoulders of where it belongs – “Governor Ron DeSantis’s challenging of a ‘continuous eligibility’ rule has booted over 22,000 children off insurance since January.”

In essence, the mean-spirited actions of the failed presidential candidate is due to his challenge of a federal boost to the Children’s Healthcare Insurance Plan. The governor has challenged this law, but instead of waiting for a ruling, he decided to kick kids out.

I find it interesting that the governor is more concerned with the books available to kids to read than their health. A kid may be struggling with a flu bug, but at least they’re not reading “Huckleberry Finn.”

It should be noted, the governor has been on my radar screen before he became governor. In Congress, he tended to grandstand more than govern. He was not unlike Marjorie Taylor Greene is now. Yet, he parlayed his actions into becoming governor running against a less-than-stellar opponent. Fortunately, the Republican Party saw him for what he was – a meaner version of the former president – and sent him packing.

Kicking kids off healthcare is not a good strategy. One could even say it is the actions of a bullying nature.

What is believed by too many…and that is not good

I see too many emails from unapologetic MAGA fans. It makes me shake my head with the zeal of their support. As a former Republican of twenty-five plus years, Democrat of five years and now independent voter of sixteen plus years, it is sad to see what the Republican Party has become. This cult-like party is truly on a self-destruct mission. When a group mindset is:

Trump has done nothing wrong,

Trump won the 2020 election and it was stolen from him,

Teaching the good, the bad and the ugly about our country is bad; we must teach a jingoistic message instead,

We must retrench from the rest of the world,

We must cut environmental regulations and ignore climate change as it is a hoax,

Women must not use birth control and carry all pregnancies to delivery, and

Autocratic leadership would be acceptable,

there is something wrong. If people would pay attention to what these folks are truly saying, then they would run from them. Let’s start with what Republican Vice President Dick Cheney said about Donald Trump – Trump is a coward for telling lies to his public. He knows he lost and he lost big.

Or maybe we should listen to what his attorney and fixer Michael Cohen said under oath to Congress, “Donald Trump is a racist, he is a con-artist and he is a cheat.”

Or maybe we should look at a few historical points before people put him on a pedestal. He inherited an economy in its 91st consecutive month of economic growth, the third longest in US history – he did not start the ball rolling. He focused first on repealing healthcare for about twenty million Americans and impacting required minimums for 160 million more in employer plans until Senator John McCain gave the effort a thumbs-down. His travel ban roll out was so botched, it was pulled after two days as he forgot to vet it with the people who would implement it. Then there is his pandemic fumbling which led to more American deaths than should have occurred.

Of course, Trump has done many things wrong. He is the one to blame and it is time his spineless sycophants start calling him out on it. Accountability and responsibility are not top of mind words to describe Trump. Neither are competence or truthfulness. So says this independent and former member of both parties.

Let’s focus on the bigger stories

The former president is in court facing charges that he misused campaign funds to pay off a woman he had an affair with along with a tabloid to kill a story on a more lengthy affair with yet another woman. He denies both, but he paid them off to keep quiet. Plus, election interference is thrown in as well.

Yet, too much press coverage and entertainment news is around the fact he fell asleep in court. Really? He is an elderly person who likely gets tired sitting as others drone on. I get tired as well and he has me by a few years.

But, that is not the story. Financial fraud and lying about it is the story. This happens all too often with press coverage on the former president. The focus is on pedestrian issues which deviate from the main focus of his actual and alleged crimes.

One of the best examples of a financial fraud by the former president gets largely overlooked. The former president settled a court case to pay back donated money to his Foundation that he used for personal purposes. The Foundation was then terminated and monies distributed to charities in keeping with the by-laws of the Foundation. Further, no one named Trump could oversee this process and all trustees named Trump had to undergo philanthropic training. By the way, Trump’s CFO was listed as a Boardmember, but they forgot to tell him he was.

This last story is a small one, but is a microcosm of the fraudulent behavior of the former president. When his fans say he did nothing wrong, that is simply not true over and over again. Whether it is running his mouth after a defamation verdict leading to an increased penalty from $5 million to $83 million or taking donated money from a Foundation or strong arming in a recorded call a Georgia election official to change vote counts, eg there is evidence he has done wrong.

Falling asleep is just a humorous highlight. It is not the story. The story is the former president is an adjudicated fraud in three recent cases and is liable in two defamation cases and is accused of much more.

Trump – the black cloud that won’t go away even in Arizona

In a Politico article by Betsy Woodruff Swan and Kyle Cheney called “Arizona Grand Jury has indicted Trump Allies for 2020 Election Interference” the bad news for people who did the former president’s bidding continues. It is akin to a black cloud that just won’t go away. Here are the first two paragraphs:

“An Arizona grand jury has indicted 18 allies of Donald Trump for their efforts to subvert the 2020 election — including former White House chief of staff Mark Meadows and attorneys Rudy Giuliani and Boris Epshteyn.

The indictment, which includes felony counts of conspiracy, fraud and forgery, also describes Trump as an unindicted co-conspirator.”

An unindicted co-conspirator? The chef stirring the pot is unindicted? Of course, his fans and sycophants will say, see he did nothing wrong. Yet, election interference would not occur nor would the January 6 insurrection which has over 300 settlements and convictions, if an accountable and responsible person was in the White House. Trump would not be accused of exhibiting either trait.

As for those plus 300 and other folks in Arizona, Michigan and Georgia, Trump’s black cloud still lingers over them. I am glad to see his Chief of Staff Mark Meadows is included along with Rudy Giuliani as both have bastardized their reputations by cheating, lying and intimidating for the former president. Giuliani has already suffered greatly, but here comes some more rain from the black cloud.

I have no idea why a rational person would consider voting for Donald Trump. I find it embarrassing. If he lies and cheats about the election dividing our country, how hard is it to believe he us untruthful about many more things? Joe BIden is not perfect, but there is clear distinction between him and his illicit acting opponent.

My message to Republican incumbents and candidates is simple. As an independent and former member of both parties, mostly Republican, I will NOT vote for any candidate that supports Donald Trump for president. Full stop. I have this thing about our president should not be a traitor and adjudicated as a fraud and defamer.

Correct nomenclature

We need to make sure we use the correct nomenclature. I often see the word “conservative” applied to those who are most conservative. All Republicans are conservative. The folks holding the party hostage are “extreme conservatives.”

The Freedom Caucus, where many of these extreme conservatives call home, has long cared more about upsetting apple carts than using them to deliver apples. They are zealous ideologues who just want to shout at the wind, to mix metaphors.

Speaker Mike Johnson working with Democrats to get key legislation passed is not new. Republican Speaker John Boehner did the same on big issues. It got him in trouble with the ideologues, but it got needed stuff passed. The harping by the Freedom Caucus finally forced him to retire.

Note, Democrats have their own set of more zealous ideologues, but I don’t see them holding up needed change as the more organized Freedom Caucus more often does. But, the Democrat ideologues get too caught up on social media popular concerns rather than those which affect more people. To me, it becomes a distraction.

To me, gerrymandering has allowed more ideaologues to get elected in primaries where they later do not stand any tangible opposition in the November vote. A key change needed to improve governance is to have nonpartisan redistricting. It would be nice to have elected officials we could respect more rather than those shouting at the wind. And, we all know their names.