Sometimes you have to go for it

Yesterday, golfer Gary Woodland won the US Open at Pebble Beach. For non-golf fans, I will be brief on the golf part. What was most memorable, Woodland decided on a key moment to not play it safe, but be aggressive and play to win. He hit an absolutely brilliant shot that led to a birdie on a par five and put him two shots ahead of the two-time defending champion.

As a former athlete who was limited in talent to playing on high school teams, the act of “going for it,” is an act of courage. You may fall on your face, but by taking a risk, even if it is a measured one, it may make all the difference. Why does the best basketball player usually take the key final shot when the other team is expecting him to do so? Because if you don’t and fail, you may regret not going with your best.

And, as one star basketball player said, I try to take the last shot because I can handle failure better than others. That last statement is vital. Taking a risk is a lot easier if you know you can handle a negative outcome.

There is a great line from the movie “We bought a zoo,” with Matt Damon. His older brother taught him “all you need is twenty seconds of courage.” I think that is priceless advice. In the movie Damon’s character summoned the courage to speak with an enchanting woman he had never met. And, she eventually became his wife. What if we don’t take that chance?

Again, the risk need not be foolish, but sometimes it is more than OK to go for broke. A measured risk is worth the chance. Yet, we often overstate the risk and perceived embarassment of failure, when the actual risk is more measured. As I told my kids, “What if the person says no? No, is just an answer, but it at least it is one.” Without asking, you will never know if there is interest in your company, your resume, your idea, etc.?

So, find that twenty seconds of courage and go for it. The answer may be no, but at least you gave it a shot.

 

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Stop in Nevada

“And she doesn’t know what’s comin’ but she’s sure of what she’s leaving behind,” sings Billy Joel in “Stop in Nevada.” This lyric is pertinent as a stop in Nevada would reveal the only state with a female majority in the stafe legislature.

And, it works well. Nevada has far more bipartisan legislation than any other state. The women legislators find common ground and show men the path forward. As 49% of the state house consists of men, their votes are needed to pass legislation.

The women represent both parties. They socialize and do community service and events together. Republican Assemblywoman Melissa Hardy and Democrat Selena Torres sat for an interview on CBS Saturday Morning News. These two have worked across the aisle to push a bill to improve education.

Hardy said. “I think it has been the most incredible experience of my life,” Torres noted, “I know we have over 90% bipartisanship on the bills passed so far.”

This is what our country needs more of. We need representation that looks like America. Two states I won’t mention have only 15% and 17% female membership in their legislatures. It is important to increase those percentages as women tend to be the primary healthcare giver of the family and make up a higher percentage of teachers. So, dinner table issues of medical bills and education will get more weight.

I also believe women will help us break through zero-sum politicking (I must win and you must lose). It should be noted it took ten female US Senators to avoid the US defaulting on its debts in October 2013 after the government was shut down. This last minute effort was highly commendable and a relief to the male leaders who could not stop their posturing long enough to keep us from driving off a cliff.

We must work together to solve problems. We must demand our politicians do the same, otherwise they are shouting at the wind or come up with extreme versions of laws. I am enthused by the new majority in Nevada as well as the wave of women who won US House seats last fall.

I hope they can break down barriers. The US Congress removed an area where legislators socialized across party lines. Now, about 40% of their time is doing fundraising phone calls, per a retired Congressman. It is hard to work on anything, much less biparisan laws, when you don’t take the time figure out how to pass laws together. Maybe, just maybe, these women will change that paradigm.

Vox on Fox

Vox on Fox. No, this is not a Dr. Seuss book title or quote. It is more akin to a quote from Mark Twain, “It is easier to fool someone than convince him he has been fooled.” Why? Vox has put together two You Tube videos which should heighten your concern over Fox News (see below), which my oldest son shared with me.

One video notes the power and reach of Fox. It traces its origins to a memo of Roger Ailes when he worked for President Richard Nixon. It shows how Fox influences the news covered, even if you don’t watch Fox News. Like a dog chewing on a bone, Fox will overinflate small issues to discredit the Democrat Party. This is why Fox watchers know who AOC is moreso than non-Fox watchers. This is why Benghazi became a bigger issue than it was as determlned early on by a nonpartisan review.

The other video shows their influence on one viewer who occupies the White House. This person has access to some of the best intelligence information in the world, but chooses to be more influenced by Fox and Friends. This must cause great consternation to people who do their darnedest to get it right as they get upstaged by entertainers who can sell a better story to a key listener.

The narrator of the Vox video notes the causal relationship between items said on Fox and Friends and this viewer’s tweets. The narrator notes he counted fifty tweets from this person within three minutes of the story being said on Fox and Friends. And, often the words are verbatim.

Even when I was a Republican, I did not watch Fox News. The opinion folks are simply over-the-top story tellers, who should not be taken serioiusly – Beck, Riley, Hannity, Riviera and so on are caricatures. The ones who found their conscious like Lt. Col. Ralph Peters or Judge Napolitano get vilified for speaking the truth. Peters left offering a condemning resignation letter.

If you do persist in watching Fox, pay more attention to Chris Wallace and Shepard Smith. The are news people. if you get your news from Hannity or Carlson or that viewer’s tweets – do yourself and country a favor and stop. You are being “Twained,”


When memories of loved ones pop up unexpectedly

I watched a poignant video where a young woman was presented with a birthday gift of a talking teddy bear. The bear had a prerecorded voice and she soon realized the voice was her father’s speaking to her using her name. It brought tears as her dad had passed away a year before.

This beautiful story made me think of two poignant movie scenes and a real story. The first movie scene is from “Peggy Sue got married.” Kathleen Turner played Peggy Sue, who went back in time to avoid marrying her boyfriend who eventually left her. The poignant scene occurs when she answers the phone at her mom and dad’s house and hears her grandmother’s voice, who had died years before her time travel occurred. It gives me chills to write this as she spoke to a departed loved one once again.

The other movie scene is from “Field of Dreams,” with Kevin Costner. After building a baseball field in his corn crop, the now deceased players of the Chicago White Sox, who had been banned for gambling, appear to play. But, the real reason he is inspired to build the field is his father comes to play as a young man and former ballplayer. When he asks his dad for a game of catch, it is a very emotional for me as I used to play catch with my father.

While these movies are dramatically poignant, we came across an old cassette tape of my father-in-law singing. Before he passed in 1997, he used to play guitar and sing in clubs, bar mitzvahs, birthday parties, church, senior living centers, etc. So, we just sat and listened to his crooning, as he performed old standards from the 1940 – 60s. It was a treat for my wife and me. One of my favorite memories is returning from New York at night, with him and my mother-in-law singing old songs like these while riding in the back seat.

Cherish your memories, especially when they unexpectedly pop up. Sometimes, all it takes is a prompt – a song, a movie clip, an old friend, or an old piece of clothing – to flush out the memories.

This must stop

I hope everyone enjoyed their weekend, yet we had another event which we cannot let define us. The tragedy in Sri Lanka sheds a spotlight on what must stop. The three recent Black church bombings in Louisiana do the same; this must stop. The many shootings at churches, synagogues, and mosques must stop.

The victims do not deserve this, no matter where they worship. The perpetrators have some warped view of extremism. They are terrorists irrespective of what religious master they serve. They are hate mongers and murderers. They will not build a stairway to some perverted view of righteousness. Their names should not be mentioned, as they do not deserve recognition.

These actions of hate must stop. The underlying hate must stop. If someone’s view of religion inspires them to hate or kill others, that is not God or Allah talking. That is a narrow-minded form of extremism. These folks are murderers,

We need these actions strongly condemned by all leaders. We need religious leaders to promote a message of inclusion. A ministry of exclusion is religion at its worst. One person’s exclusion becomes another person’s hate. And, to a small subset, the words inspire violence. This also holds true with political leaders,

What can we do? If your spiritual or political leader speaks of exclusion, ask them to stop. If they don’t stop, vote with your feet and leave. Our leaders need to be our better angels – if they are not, find another leader and call them on the carpet.

If you see some followers who are echoing or speaking of violent acts, tell the authorities or more even-tempered religious leaders. Zealotry can lead to violence. If you hear unproductive words, push back or tell someone. This is even more true if they come from leaders.

But, most importantly, we must be civil to one another. We must demand civility from our leaders. Fear sells, but is an unsustainable governing approach. We deserve better from our leaders. We must also demand peace. We need more diplomats, not fewer. We need to value the mavens and dot connectors. Relationships are to be courted and nurtured.

This has to stop. Stop the words of exclusion. Stop the words of hate. And, let’s do what we can to stop the violence.

Let me close with one of the greatest examples of faith I have witnessed. After the Charleston AME Zion church shooting, the surviving family members forgave the shooter. That is powerful. Let’s be like them. But, let’s stop it from happening the next time.

 

Name calling doesn’t help win arguments

My local newsaper published my recent letter to the editor. They also placed it following another letter who used name-calling. If you concur, please feel free to use the following letter, making changes to meet your style and circumstances.

“As an independent voter, I find the use of labels and name-calling as shortcuts for people who do not have a good argument. When I see or hear terms like “conservative” or “liberal,” used like weapons, I tend to discount the message. When I see “Trump Derangement Syndrome,” I see someone trying to say you are crazy to feel the President is being untruthful or unwise with a particular path. When I see the terms “Nazism” or “Apartheid” used to define disagreement with a policy, they better be talking about heinous acts. Facts matter. Let’s civilly discuss the facts to resolve matters. Governance is hard enough, but even more so when people use over-simplified or inappropriate shortcuts.”

Sadly, one of the most prolific name callers happens to be the current US President. What does that say about our country, and what message does that send to our children?

Brussel sprouts, breathing and beaches

“What an odd title?” you might be asking. “Outside of the alliteration, what does it mean?” These three terms represent a list of things I learned more about as I got older.

Brussel sprouts were nowhere close to being something I would eat when I was young. Okra, orange marmalade, spinach, etc. would also be in that category. Now, to my wife’s surprise, I will even eat brussel sprouts, preferably broiled or sautéed in a pan with bacon bits and olive oil. The brussel sprouts are a good metaphor for many things I now enjoy.

The breathing is an odd one. As a high school athlete, I was taught to breathe through my mouth as I worked out. Inhale when lessening the exertion and exhale when exerting. With yoga, more measured breathing is suggested, breathing in and out through the nose, exhaling through your mouth as you need it.

The yoga advice is sound. But, I read recently that breathing normally is better for your lung and heart health, as the sense of smell is activated and it better maintains the  breathing organs. The other observation is I find out I snore less at night by breathing in this manner when I exercise.

Now, what about beaches? I was thinking of the “Sunscreen” song where an older person shares a few pieces of wisdom including wearing sunscreen. I grew up twelve miles from the ocean. So, we hit the beaches often. Sunscreen was sparingly used especially with high schoolers. Yet, as more information emerged at the same time my scalp did so through my thinning hair, caps and sunscreen became paramount. And, don’t forget to re-apply the sunscreen after being out on the beach more than an hour. The sea breeze masks the burning.

So, breathe more naturally, protect your skin, and eat your veggies, including brussel sprouts. And, try other things you passed on. Our great-niece used to say to her mother when asked to try something, “I don’t think I could like that.” That feeling will change.