That white privilege thing

Usually when Dr. Phil comes on, I leave the room. Seeing people yell at each other is not therapeutic for me. Yesterday, my wife said you need to see this one as it was an interesting group discussion on race relations and white privilege.

In one powerful, illustrating exercise, young adults of both genders and several races, religions, sexual preferences, and countries of origin stepped forward or backward based on answers to a series of questions. At the end of about thirty or so questions, white people tended to be at the front of the room, while other races tended to be at the back.

As a now 60 year-old white man, I can pretty much go anywhere I want without repercussions. And, I need not have to worry for my life when I am stopped by the police or state patrol. A black man in his Sunday best has to move very slowly and visibly when stopped, thinking if he does not it may be the last thing he does on earth.

The show’s panel was a mixture of various races and invited audience guests offered their input. Listening to each other is a key takeaway. Understanding more about micro aggressions is also important (unintended slights). A white police officer said we should not use our badge as a threat, but as a heart to reach out to others.

A few white audience members felt they are victims and ostracized for being white. One woman lost her job for doing her job, as a video went viral with commentary that here was another white woman judging others. One woman grew up in a blue collar neighborhood and she felt disenfranchised as the blacks got more opportunities.

Perspective and context mean everything. A good example is captured in the movie about Jackie Robinson called “42.” Pee Wee Reese, the white shortstop for the Dodgers, went to see the owner Branch Rickey when he received a death threat for playing with a black ballplayer. Rickey said you got one threat and then proceeded to pull out gobs and gobs of death threats toward Robinson to illustrate his point.

Is there unfair back lash on some whites, absolutely?  But, people of a different color, religion, sexual preference, etc. have received gobs and gobs of discrimination over the years. And, lately under the divisive leadership of a certain US President, white supremacists, bigots and racists feel more empowered. Their hatred has become more normalized Рand that is not good.

I often cite the lines written by Oscar Hammerstein about bigotry in the movie “South Pacific.” “You have to be carefully taught, by the time your are seven or eight. You have to be carefully taught to hate the people your parents hate.” We are not born bigoted, it has to be taught. By listening to each other, maybe we can teach the opposite. It should be noted a black man, who has convinced over 200 KKK members to give up their robes, did so by listening and asking questions. He heard them, which allowed him to be heard.

We are a potpourri of different people, but inside we are all the same. Let’s relish in our differences, but know we have the same foundation.

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Sixty feels like fifty-nine

I am no longer in my fifties. I know many reading this may have passed this threshold. More than being one day older, the milestone has caused a lot of reflection.

My boyhood friends that last to this day also turned sixty this year, with me the final entrant. We were reflecting on boyhood moments and achievements that seem like they were just yesterday. Reminding each other of what each remembers about an event is an interesting exercise as perspectives vary. I remember something that a friend forgot about it and vice versa.

Old friends are treasures. We cannot talk or text for a couple of months and pick up conversation as if no time had elapsed. We are like an old pair of jeans that are broken in real well.

With that said, my best friend is the one I married. My wife of thirty-three years is a constant. She grounds me and keeps me sane while driving me crazy on occasion. She is the best of listeners, one of those “rainy day people” that Gordon Lightfoot sang about. She makes me laugh.

We have had some family challenges like all families do, so we seem to always have a ball drop while we are juggling many. The other day, I sat down after putting a lid on one issue and had solace for eight minutes until the phone rang. After hanging up, I told my wife – eight minutes of solace.

I guess turning sixty reminds me of our recent loss that is painful for my wife and me. Her brother Joe passed away almost three weeks ago at the young age of 61.
He died young, but his body was hurting. She loved and admired her brother greatly.

We don’t know how much time we have. We just have to make the best of it. We need to live our lives with intent, not being a passenger in our own lives. We need to savor our friends and family. I hope many years remain for all of us. And, I want to thank all of my blogging friends for sharing their insights and stories.

I believe the women

There is nothing more that can be done about Brett Kavanaugh. He will be sworn in as an Associate Justice to the US Supreme Court. I think it is a sad day in America, especially for women.

We now have two out of nine Supreme Court justices that have been accused of sexual misconduct by multiple women. Many may not know that Anita Hill was one of two accusers of Clarence Thomas. The second woman waited in a hotel room to testify, but never was called.

Kavanaugh will join the court with three accusers, but only one was asked to testify with the second being interviewed by the FBI. But, not finding corroborating witnesses should not be construed that Kavanaugh is innocent. I believe the women, especially Dr. Ford. He was less than credible as he attacked. She was calm and pained. She also passed a lie detector test.

Yet, we should not forget the man who nominated Kavanaugh has a roster of twenty accusers of sexual assault or harassment. The accusations range from inappropriate groping of private parts in public to be being pinned against a wall in his daughter’s bedroom to walking in on unclothed teenage beauty pageant contestants. The girls knew they had to tolerate the creepy old man. This does not consider his two accusers of marital infidelity whom he paid off. Those were consensual, but his denials are telling.

The President’s strong denials now don’t hold water as he has admitted to doing the sexual misconduct in three separate interviews, two with Howard Stern and one the infamous Access Hollywood tape. Like with the above, I believe the women, some of whom accused him before the interviews were made public. That is more than interesting – it is indicting.

The only remaining actions should be of concern to the GOP leaders. First, a Judge has permitted a case to move forward accusing Trump of defamation as he lied about his sexual misconduct with her. The other will be more problematic as news reporters continue to do the job the FBI was prevented from doing. As I asked Senators Collins and Flake, are you sure this is the horse you want to ride? More will come out, but it is too late.

With all due respect to a large bunch of white men who do not care to know the truth, I believe the women. I have listened to Messers. Trump, Thomas, Kavanaugh, Cosby, Weinstein, Clinton – I believe the women. One final thought to those who have rationalized all of this with a tribal mindset. If Dr. Ford was your daughter, you would want Kavanaugh’s head.

Retired Justice Stevens and 1,700 Law Professors say vote no

The following is a sample letter to be posted in Senators website, should you agree. You will need to act today, though.

Retired conservative Justice John Paul Stevens and 1,700 law professors have recommended voting no on Brett Kavanaugh’s nomination. They are reacting to his beligerant and attacking defense which was beneath what we want in a SCOTUS Justice. I agreed in real time as I felt Chairman Grassley should have admonished him for his attacks and not answering the questions.

But, at the heart of all this, I still believe Dr. Ford and I find Kavanaugh uncredible. I am also disappointed that neither were interviewed by the FBI, nor has Kavanaugh taken a lie detector test as she did and passed. I am also disappointed at the time limit and White House limitations on the investigation. While a second accuser was interviewed, the FBI was instructed not to talk to the third witness about allegations of gang rape. With a President who has been accused of sexual assault and harassment by twenty women and has admitted to such, even bragged on such, in three interviews, I find his opinions on these matters not very sincere.

Please vote no on this candidate and move on to one of the other short listed candidates. He would not do the highest court a service by being a member in my view.

FBI needs to investigate Kavanaugh accusations

The following is an email posted in a few Senator websites and sent to a few newspapers. Please feel free to use and modify to meet your needs.

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A Supreme Court appointment is a lifetime job. We need to take the time to get it right. We must honor the process and American citizens and investigate legitimate accusations of Brett Kavanaugh. This is the opinion of the American Bar Association and this independent and former Republican voter. Dr. Ford was believable and she is not the sole accuser. I have also learned, the louder people shout, the worse their argument. Given Mark Judge’s book, I am having a hard time believing Mr. Kavanaugh is as innocent as he has portrayed.

Please delay voting and get this right. We must have the FBI look at this more and ask the other women to testify. This blind tribalism has to stop and we need confidence a future Supreme Court justice is not a sexual assaulter.

The tribal BS must stop

America’s governmental leaders have become so polarized with a tribal mentality, it is to the point of dysfunction. This has been a negative trend for some time, predating the rise of the lightning rod US President. His style in the role of leader has only made things more divisive.

This tribal BS has to stop. I am an Independent voter who left the Republican Party over ten years ago. I chose not to rejoin the Democrat Party of which I was a member in my early adult years. I define myself as fiscally conservative and socially progressive. I think many people are mixes of various degrees of beliefs. So, being an Independent better fit my belief construct.

I do not mind people being more conservative or liberal than I am. What I do mind is so-called leaders not using facts to make decisions and in some cases lying about or oversimplifying the causes of problems. It is hard enough to govern with facts, but nigh impossible when you don’t. And, what is also frustrating is some of these so-called leaders know better, but their funders told them to believe the opposite of what is true or more true.

Neither party has all of the good ideas and both have some bad ones. This statement is worth re-reading for emphasis. It is important to note, a key reason I left the Republican Party was its tendency to make things up abetted biased news sources. That coupled with their stance on climate change were deal breakers for me.

Both parties have been untruthful and will continue to be such. Yet, it frustrates me that my old party has deviated greatly from what they were. It is now the Trump Party and many more Independents are former Republicans. The number of Conservative pundits who actively do not support the GOP is telling – Will, Gerson, Erickson, Brooks, Schmidt, et al.

But, Democrats must not govern as Republicans have done the past few years. They must focus on the issues and help get things done. Our country must have collaboration or lasting changes will not occur. Leaders must follow process. Any time, leaders deviate from normal process, take it to the bank, it is political. Kavanaugh must answer to questions from his accusers, but this should have come up earlier when the hearings were underway. On the flip side, Merrick Garland not have a hearing in 2016 was an injustice, as well.

The tribal BS must stop. Find common ground. Ask good questions and listen to the answers. Insist to our leaders the truth matters. It is a problem the US President lies more than he does not. And, remember the real tribe is the United States of America. If that is not enough, know this, what Vladimir Putin accomplished most through his interference and meddling is helping drive a larger wedge in America and he is still doing it.

Everyone needs a Joe

Everyone needs a Joe in their life. You know the person. The one who is curious in learning and sincerely knowing what is going on in your life. The one who can talk with your kids as easily as he or she talks with you.

Joe’s are the kind of people who end up being teachers because of that desire to help others grow. The one who is the teacher that cares about the kids more than anything. Joe may dress and act in an eclectic manner, but is as down to earth as it comes. Joe would give you the shirt off his or her back if you needed it.

Joe is the kind of person who gets animated about upbringing, travels, or subject matter interests. A rapt storyteller is Joe which is a key part of the charming person. When Joe gets going, his or her voice can fill a room.

We had a Joe, but his body gave out on him after only 61 years. Too many car accidents left his body in pain and his big heart likely gave out on him after so much medication for too many years. He was my wife’s brother and left a lasting imprint on more than a few. He loved teaching science and married his soulmate after two earlier marriages went awry. His wife was also a teacher having just retired. It is a shame Joe won’t be with her in this physical world. He leaves three children who love hiking and the environment like their Dad.

Bless you Joe. Our Thanksgiving table will have a huge gap, just like our lives as we carry on without you. But, we will remember you forever.