Don’t point a finger when you can lend a hand – a repeat message

“Don’t point a finger when you can lend a hand.” Sounds profoundly simple doesn’t it? Yet, why is it such a underutilized approach? One of our friend’s father was good with his hands, but also had a big heart. Before he passed away, it was not uncommon for him and a group of handymen from his church to visit sites of hurricanes and help people repair and rebuild.

Even though you may not be a handy person yourself, volunteering to help means a great deal to the community, but also yourself. Probably the most exhausted I have ever been is when a work group from my company helped build a Habitat for Humanity house. I was so tired, this right-handed person was hammering up the insulation with his left hand at the end of the day. But, I also felt very rewarded in doing something good.

Yet, you do not need to have carpentry tools in your hands to help others. Use your skills, experiences and contacts to help others. Help people with their resumes, prepare for interviews or presentations, or dress to impress with your donated clothes. Or, better yet, help them with contacts to companies that could help them network or get hired. As someone who has helped homeless families, a key stumbling block is these families have exhausted their networks or their circle of friends and family are in a similar situation

One of the key skill sets the licensed social workers (at the agency I volunteered with) taught their clients is how to budget. What is a need versus a want? And, sometimes they did this with tough, but empathetic love. I recall the story of one woman laying her head down on her dining room table to cry as the bills piled up. The social worker said I know it is tough, but we must go through them and figure out what and how much we can pay and who we need to call for more time.

A minister named Bob Lupton who lives with his family among the folks he helps wrote a great book called “Toxic Charity.” We were so impressed by the book, we invited him to speak to volunteer groups here. His main message is don’t do for someone what they can do for themselves. True charity should be reserved for emergency. We should help people climb a ladder, but they need to climb it. Those Habit for Humanity recipients had to first put in sweat equity on other houses before they could work on their own house.

One of the things Lupton said is also telling. In your churches, business groups and organizations, sits an abundance of skill sets. Encourage these folks to offer those skills to help others. Maybe they could help someone start a business, maybe they could help teach or nurture a talent like baking, cooking, carpentry, or computer skills or maybe they could help look after children while the parents go to some night classes to get a GED or achieve a community college degree.

The key is there is little use to point a finger to blame people for their situation. Maybe they did make some bad decisions that greased the skids for their problem. Maybe they trusted the wrong guy and he was abusive or stole from her. Maybe they were not strong enough to say no to bad things. Maybe they had to forego car repairs and it broke down. Maybe they lost one of two jobs. Maybe they were too passionate in the moment and did not insist on using birth control.

In the group I helped, 1/3 of the homeless working families we helped were homeless due to domestic violence. These families lost half their income, their home and were beaten by an abusive person. The level of PTSD in these families is as high or higher than that of a combat veteran. Not knowing where your next meal will come from or seeing your mother battered and embarrassed is a hard pill to swallow.

We all make bad decisions. We all find ourselves in circumstances where we wonder how it got to this point. But, many of us have better support groups that will help us through. I am reminded of the line from the Madonna song “Papa don’t preach, I’m in trouble,” where the daughter asks for help and gets it after she screwed up.

So, don’t point a finger when you can lend a hand. We have all needed one from time to time. Happy holidays all.

Birth Control Message – a repeat from The Boss

The following is an encore performance for a post written years ago and repeated once before.

I think I have cited Bruce Springsteen (The Boss) on a couple of occasions, but I want to lift some lyrics from one of my favorite songs of his “The River” which is pertinent to my point of readily available birth control and education. This song is about a man remembering nostalgically how he used to go “down to the river” with his girlfriend and how life was much simpler before she got pregnant with his child.

The lyrics I want to quote are as follows:

“Then, I got Mary pregnant and man, that was all she wrote.

And, for my nineteenth birthday I got a union card and a wedding coat.

We went down to the courthouse and the judge put it all to rest.

No wedding day smiles, no walk down the aisle.

No flowers, no wedding dress.”

In my post “If Churches Really Want to Make a Difference” a few weeks ago, I suggest that the church should be more involved with legitimate sex education with their young teenagers, including the use of contraception. Kids don’t know enough about this subject and it is the thing they talk most about. The peer pressure is intense. It is more than OK to discuss abstinence, but if you remember your teenage years, that is not going to happen very often. I won’t repeat all of the points made therein, but informed teens should be aware of the need for protected sex as well as ways to say no, if they feel pressured (if a girl) and ways to treat a girl who is saying no (if a boy).

The LA Times reported just this week that data released by the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) showed the birthrate among American teens between 15 and 19, while decreased since 1991 is still at 34.3 births per 1,000 women. That rate is 5 times the teen birthrate in France and 2 1/2 times the teen birthrate in Canada. It is also higher than the rates in China and Russia. The CDC reports that 80% of teen pregnancies are unintended meaning after unprotected sex or under protected sex. We have a higher incidence of sexual assault among teens as well.

Using Springsteen’s song, Mary did not need to end up pregnant. With birth control access and better sex education, Mary and the boy could have been more adroit at handling the issue before the heat of the moment caused a fait accompli. The rest of the song talks about how Mary and the boy go through the motions of life after being forced to do the right thing and marry. Their dreams were stifled. Yet, if she could say no, or have protected intercourse, then their lives need not be over.

My main point is so many issues could be better addressed through a better protected and more informed group of teenagers. There is high correlation to poverty and family size, especially if the family starts early. There is a high percentage of single parents in teen mothers, so in more cases than not, Mary’s beau would have left the building. With fewer unwanted pregnancies, then there would be fewer abortions. And, our teens would have a chance to grow up more before they start having babies. Finally, per Dr, Cora Breuner of Seattle Children’s Hospital, babies born to teens tend to fare more poorly than babies delivered to older age group parents.

I also believe the education part is just as vital. If the young girls and boys hear from respected sources about these very important life issues, they will be better positioned to handle them. More and more kids are not seeing churches in the same light as their parents. Some churches are actually driving people away with their evangelicalism. I firmly believe if you provide more venues to talk in an intelligent way with the teens about their problems, they will attend and listen. They don’t need to be preached to on the subject, but abstinence is an acceptable discussion point. I think it is important to note that you do not have to have sex if you are being pressured into doing so.

Per Dr. Breuner as reported by the LA Times, “We really can do better. By providing more education and improving access to contraception and more education about family planning, we can do better.” Note, Breuner helped write the new policy statement as a member of the American Academy of Pediatrics’ Committee on Adolescence.

Springsteen, as usual, vividly depicts a real world problem. I think his song could be played during the sex education classes. These kids loved each other (or at least thought they did), gave into passion and after unprotected sex, their dreams were over. This is reality. Why should we not finds ways to educate and help before the “point of reckoning” rather than to let the kids figure it out after it is too late. In today’s time, it can be even worse when a STD enters the equation.

Thanks Bruce for your terrific song. “The River” can permit the dream to continue with protected sex. And, for parents and church leaders who want to throw the bible at me, let me quote a truism that I said in my previous post. Teenagers are going to have sex. If you do not believe me, there is an evangelical university within a three-hour drive of where I live. These young church raised kids “go crazy” when they get away from mom and dad. I actually cleaned that up a little from the quote from someone who attended there. So, we should help them on their journey by giving them the tools and education they need.

A distinctive comparison

Simply borrowing the first two paragraphs from Nick Robertson’s article (see link below) in The Hill called “President Biden and former President Trump shared starkly different Easter messages Sunday,” a distinctive difference can be gleaned.

“Biden marked the holy day with a solemn message, while Trump lashed out at political opponents in an all-caps post on Truth Social.

Trump went after the prosecutors organizing criminal cases against him, reiterating claims that federal special counsel Jack Smith is ‘deranged,’ calling Manhattan District Attorney Alvin Bragg ‘lazy’and lashing out against Fulton County District Attorney Fani Willis.”

Both messages continue on the themes noted above. Let me just remind people that this is an Easter message, which celebrates the ultimate unselfish sacrifice and resurrection of Jesus. Whether one is Christian matters not, the message by the former president would not be mistaken for being unselfish, as it falls more into the temper-tantrum category.

As I recall from my reading, Jesus forgave his enemies for killing him. The former president is attacking his with name calling and threats. The answer to the famous acronym WWJD is not what the former president does. To me, there is clear light of day between the two candidates. Biden is not perfect, but he is a decent man who cares about people. There is only one person that matters in the mind of his predecessor.

https://www.yahoo.com/news/trump-biden-said-easter-messages-182029951.html

Be not afraid – an encore version of an old hymn

The following is an encore post for this Sunday.

We attended a funeral today for the father of my daughter’s friend who passed way too early at age 53. Growing up Catholic and singing harmony with her father in a small church, my wife recognized immediately the encouraging hymn “Be not afraid” that the congregation was asked to sing.

I knew this would be both memorable and melancholy for my wife as she sang it beautifully next to my whispering voice. She and her father sang well together, with unique harmonies. Here are the words, crafted by English author Alfred J. Hough, which are poignant next to the beautiful music of Charles Hutchinson Gabriel.

“You shall cross the barren desert but you shall not die of thirst
You shall wander far in safety though you do not know the way
You shall speak your words in foreign lands and all will understand
You shall see the face of God and live

Be not afraid, I go before you always
Come follow me and I’ll give you rest

If you pass through raging waters in the sea you shall not drown
If you walk amidst the burning flames you shall not be harmed
If you stand before the power of hell and death is at your side
Know that I am with you through it all

Be not afraid, I go before you always
Come follow me and I’ll give you rest

Blessed are the poor, for the Kingdom shall be theirs
Blessed are you that weep and mourn for one day you shall laugh
And if wicked men insult and hate you all because of me
Blessed, blessed are you

Be not afraid, I go before you always
Come follow me and I’ll give you rest”

Whether you are religious, the words offer a great example of the comfort that be gleaned at a time of grief and need. These hymns are mileposts in our lives and can remind us of earlier moments. To me it reminded me of the times my wife would rehearse on Saturday evening with her father and perform in the church service the next day. She and her father also sang “Hail Mary, Gentle Woman” using a lagging harmony, quite well. It was my favorite of theirs.

“Be not afraid” are comforting words. I hope they were for my daughter’s friend and her family.

Republicans appear to be embracing Christian Nationalism

When Margaret Atwood wrote “The Handmaid’s Tale,” it was a far-fetched dystopian novel written many years ago. Now it is less far-fetched, as more strident members of the Republican Party are embracing Christian Nationalism. Even Trump goes back and forth as he caters to this crowd, then tries to walk back some of the stuff that comes out of this rancid meat locker.

Per Robert Reich in an opinion piece called “The Republican party wants to turn America into a theocracy,” he writes:

“…All these private freedoms are under increasing assault from Republican legislators and judges who want to impose their own morality on everyone else. Republicans are increasingly at war with America’s basic separation of church and state.

According to a new survey from the Public Religion Research Institute and the Brookings Institution, more than half of Republicans believe the country should be a strictly Christian nation – either adhering to the ideals of Christian nationalism (21%) or sympathizing with those views (33%).

Christian nationalism is also closely linked with authoritarianism. According to the same survey, half of Christian nationalism adherents and nearly four in 10 sympathizers said they support the idea of an authoritarian leader powerful enough to keep these Christian values in society.

During an interview at a Turning Point USA event last August, Representative Marjorie Taylor Greene (a Republican from Georgia) said party leaders need to be more responsive to the base of the party, which she claimed is made up of Christian nationalists.

‘We need to be the party of nationalism,’ she said. ‘I am a Christian and I say it proudly, we should be Christian nationalists.’

A growing number of evangelical voters view Trump as the second coming of Jesus Christ and see the 2024 election as a battle not only for America’s soul but for the salvation of all mankind. Many of the Trump followers who stormed the Capitol on 6 January 2021 carried Christian symbols and signs invoking God and Jesus.

An influential thinktank close to Trump is developing plans to infuse Christian nationalist ideas into his administration if he returns to power, according to documents obtained by Politico.”

Taylor-Greene’s quote is alarming enough, but the comment equating Trump to a second coming is disturbing on so many levels. If Jesus came again, my educated guess is he would not pick such an amoral person who gropes women, lies and bullies people with impunity and high frequency.

People need to wake up to this con job and illicit acting candidate. And, to say this loudly and simply, I will not vote for anyone who supports this person for president. Full stop. He is an adjudicated fraud and self-proclaimed bragger of his sexual assaults and misconduct on multiple occasions. Try as I may, I’m having a hard time NOT putting a “Thou shall not…” around these two sins and crimes.

Let’s revisit the words of Martin Luther King

This is a reprise of an earlier post. It still resonates especially with calls for violence by weak-minded politicians whose shallow ego cannot withstand criticism.

Martin Luther King once said, “The ultimate weakness of violence is that it is a descending spiral, begetting the very things it seeks to destroy. Instead of diminishing evil, it multiplies it. Through violence you may murder the liar, but you cannot murder the lie, nor establish truth. Through violence you may murder the hater, but you do not murder hate. In fact, it merely increases the hate. So it goes. Returning violence for violence multiplies violence, adding deeper darkness to a night already devoid of stars. Darkness cannot drive out darkness; only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate: only love can do that.”

These aspirational words ring true even today. A historian made a comment on the news the other day, saying the only thing man has been very good at since the beginning is killing people. Too many people have died when leaders say I want what you have or you are different from us or you worship the wrong way. On this latter point, one of the keys to our founding father’s separation of church and state in the US constitution and bill of rights was a comment made by Thomas Jefferson who noted that Europe had been awash in blood due to religious zeal and he did not want religious zeal doing the same in our country. This runs counter to self-proclaimed constitutionalists who want a national or state religion and don’t realize they are advocating against the constitution.

My blogging friend and missionary George Dowdell has written a thought-provoking post about “No More Us and Them.” A link to his post is below.* When religious leaders exclude, they create this kind of divide. Yet, when religious leaders are inclusive, religion is at its finest. Just witness the actions of the people’s Pope Francis to see what one leader can do. We should follow his lead. We must do our best to be bridge builders. We must do our best to condemn intolerant thinking and action. We must do our best to not condone violence. We must do our best to control the proliferation of violent tools to people who should not have them and govern all owners of them well, as these tools are designed to kill. We must do our best to work toward civil discourse when disagreements occur. And, we must not tolerate treating women as second class citizens or even assets, which is even further demeaning.

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I recognize we all cannot be like Atticus Finch (see Emily J’s post on “The Perfect Book: To Kill a Mockingbird” with the link below **) and wipe the spit away borne from someone looking for a fight, but he shows us what real courage looks like. It takes more courage not to fight back when it would have been so easy to do so. I recognize we cannot all be like Gandhi whose example was studied, admired and copied by Martin Luther King showing that civil disobedience is far more powerful than violence. I recognize we call cannot be like Mother Teresa who just went around helping people and praying with them not caring how they worshiped. And, I realize we cannot all be like Jesus who uttered the words we should all live by and can be found in other religious texts – treat others like you want to be treated.

We must treat others like we want in return. We must elevate women in a world to equal footing with men. We must challenge our historical texts which were written by imperfect men to diminish women. We must be the ones who lift others up. We must teach our children those Jesus words. If we don’t then we will continue to be our own worst enemy and do what we are good at – violence and killing.

* http://georgedowdell.org/2014/06/10/no-more-us-and-them/
** http://thebookshelfofemilyj.com/2014/06/09/the-perfect-book-to-kill-a-mockingbird/

Immigration is actually needed, not a problem

In the talk about illegal immigration, the anti-immigration rhetoric seems to have painted all immigration as bad, even “poisonous.” Let’s set aside the illegal immigration issue for another day and just speak to immigration in general which is positive. Courtesy of the conservative Bush Center, people might want to read the following paragraphs:

“Why we need immigration

Immigration fuels the economy. When immigrants enter the labor force, they increase the productive capacity of the economy and raise GDP. Their incomes rise, but so do those of natives. It’s a phenomenon dubbed the “immigration surplus,” and while a small share of additional GDP accrues to natives — typically 0.2 to 0.4 percent — it still amounts to $36 to $72 billion per year.

In addition to the immigration surplus, immigrants grease the wheels of the labor market by flowing into industries and areas where there is a relative need for workers — where bottlenecks or shortages might otherwise damp growth.”

I wanted to cite this conservative source as the significant majority of the anti-immigration narrative comes from our conservative wing led by the bumper sticker slogan pronouncer Donald Trump. It has long been his modus operandi to take complex issues and boil them down into the most salable bumper sticker. Often, the bumper sticker is on the wrong side of an issue, but that is not the point. The point is what will get him elected.

Immigration is accretive to the economy as immigrants bring a variety of skill sets and fill a variety of jobs. Farm labor is in desperate need as Americans born here frown on these jobs saying they are too difficult. The construction, landscaping and restaurant industries rely heavily on immigrants. On the more technical-end, immigrants go to university here and should be retained whenever possible. Since innovation is portable, ideas can be taken abroad leaving us high and dry.* Finally, immigrants tend to be more entrepreneurial on average than American born citizens. There are even some communities whose labor force has dried up, that count on immigrants.

This anti-immigration sentiment needs to stop. It is dog whistle politics using a term Republican candidate and former New Jersey governor Chris Christie uses to define Trump’s latest anti-immigrant comments. I would start by simply ignoring what Trump says as the truth is a foreign currency to him – pun intended.

* Note: Steve Jobs is the son of Syrian parents who brought him here before he was put up for adoption. Where and what would Apple be if he was not here and did not meet Steve Wozniak and Ronald Wayne?

Monday, Monday meanderings – December 11, 2023

Using the title of a popular song by the Mamas and the Papas, “Monday, Monday,” today is shaping up to be a good day. The relentless rain is behind us and the sun is glimmering off the wet trees. It is a good day to be alive.

Since our house sits more East to West than North to South, we get wonderful angles of sunshine in various windows throughout the day. My wife says I am like a cat moving from room to room to read or do crossword puzzles chasing the sun to warm these tired muscles or sneak in a catnap.

Speaking of muscles (yes I still have some), at my age achiness will appear out of nowhere. I exercise every morning with varying routines, but if I do something I have not done in awhile, it can hurt. There are some Yoga stretches that these PYTs on the commercials do that I could not even begin to attempt. Where I get in trouble is doing a stretch that I have not done in a month thinking I can extend to a point I used to be able to do.

As for these pretzel bending PYTs (pretty young things using a line from a Michael Jackson song), it is amazing to see their flexibility and strength. Having been somewhat athletic whose knees now remind him of such, I have a hard time kneeling during Yoga, much less bending like a pretzel.

It reminds me of a wedding where our best friend got married and three of the groomsmen (me included) had bad knees. Being a Catholic wedding, we had to all kneel on the altar beside our friend. Unfortunately, there was a thin layer of carpet on top of concrete. One of my buddies was red-faced and near tears as the pain in his knees was so great. He said if the priest went on any longer, he was going to sit in the priest’s chair.

So, what is the moral to these Monday, Monday meanderings? Do easy stretching and follow the sun. Pretzels are easier to eat than to emulate. And, avoid long winded priests and ministers at weddings.

Instant Karma (another chorus for emphasis)

While still with The Beatles, John Lennon wrote and recorded the song “Instant Karma! (We will all shine on)” and released it under the name John Lennon and the Plastic Ono Band. The song is truly a breakout song as one of the many Lennon’s anthem like songs. To me, it shows where Lennon was headed – he would write other anthem songs like “All you need is love” and “Give peace a chance” as well as what I think is one of the most elegant songs ever written designed to make us think, “Imagine.”

The lessons are peppered throughout the song, even though the chorus is repeated as a mantra. In short, Lennon is saying it up to us, act before you are dead, get yourself together and treat your brother well.

“Instant karma’s gonna get you
Gonna knock you right on the head
You better get yourself together
Pretty soon you’re gonna be dead

What in the world you thinking of?
Laughing in the face of love
What on earth you tryin’ to do?
It’s up to you, yeah you

Instant karma’s gonna get you
Gonna look you right in the face
Better get yourself together darlin’
Join the human race

How in the world you gonna see
Laughin’ at fools like me?
Who in the hell’d you think you are?
A superstar?
Well, right you are

CHORUS: Well, we all shine on
Like the moon and the stars and the sun
Well, we all shine on
Everyone come on

Instant karma’s gonna get you
Gonna knock you off your feet
Better recognize your brothers
Everyone you meet

Why in the world are we here?
Surely not to live in pain and fear
Why on earth are you there?
When you’re everywhere
Come and get your share

CHORUS (fade out)”

John Lennon was an imperfect person. Like all of us, he had an ego and sometimes he would say things for shock effect. This would get him in trouble from time to time. When he infamously uttered in an interview The Beatles were bigger than Jesus, he was recognizing the decline in church attendance which continues to this day. Yet, his subtlety was overlooked and the backlash was huge and some burned Beatles’ records. His later apology and explanation was insufficient for some.

Yet, he could also be offputting to individuals. When the great song writer Carole King met Lennon for a second time, she commented how he made a rude comment to her the first time. Lennon said in response, I was intimidated by you which is why I probably was less than kind. Here is one fantastic song writer being intimidated by another fantastic songwriter.

Yet, Lennon would go on to say things we often needed to hear. He also knew how to keep the messages brief so that they would be remembered. “Instant Karma” is a good example, as the chorus of “we all shine on” is what people will remember, just as in “all you need is love,” “give peace a chance” or “imagine there is no heaven.”

Lennon was a fascinating interview. If you get a chance, check these songs out, and look for interviews with Dick Cavett and Mike Douglas. You may not have heard of the latter, but Douglas had a TV talk show where he invited a guest host on for a week and spoke to the co-host’s guests. The week Lennon and Yoko Ono co-hosted is very informative and confirmed Lennon’s place on the paranoid President Richard Nixon’s enemies list.

We all shine on. Just act before you are dead, treat your brother well and join the human race. Don’t worry about vindictive folks like Nixon and Trump, for that matter.

A Call to Action – a plea by Jimmy Carter on behalf of women (a reprise)

Earlier this week, Rosalynn Carter, the wife and life partner of former president Jimmy Carter was laid to rest. She spent decades advocating for mental health issues. Her husband respected and advocate the equality of women and often advocated for them in  print and speeches.

I have written before about the book “Half the Sky” by Nicholas Kristoff and Sheryl WuDunn about the global maltreatment of women and girls. This difficult read speaks of how women and girls are treated as second class citizens or even possession in many parts of the world.

An additional book worth reading on this subject is penned by former president  Jimmy Carter called “A Call to Action.” It leverages further the work of Kristof and WuDunn, but brings the arguments home to America as well as speaking to the global problem.

While we are still only beginning to give notoriety to sexual abuse in the US military and on our college campuses after long ignoring the problems, while we are finally highlighting the impact and prevalence of domestic violence toward women that occurs in our society, we are still largely unaware that we have a non-inconsequential sex trafficking industry within America. We have sex slaves being brought in from other countries in addition to the women stolen from within our own communities.

I have read Carter’s book as well and find his arguments and anecdotes compelling. It is also a difficult, but must read. Carter has been one of the best ex-Presidents we have ever had. He has done more good for humanitarian causes and his voice is a powerful one and full of substance. We should heed his, Kristof and WuDunn’s messages and begin to better address the maltreatment of women.

And, since Carter is one of the more learned people about the Christian bible having taught Sunday school for many decades, he offers many good examples of how religious text can be taken out of context to diminish women. This is not restricted to the bible as other religious texts have been similar misapplied. It is obvious from the reading Carter is offended by such, as he sees the role of women in the church as a key. My family was no different, as my mother was the religious leader in the family who got us up and to church for both Sunday school and the service.

Our world and country need stronger positioning of women. I am delighted to see more women running for office in the US. At long last, the US has a female Vice-President. And, what I am also witnessing is the more courageous politicians are not necessarily the men. The example of Liz Cheney is a good one as she stood her ground in the eyes of death threats from people in her own party. I will never forget ten female Senators in 2013 told Ted Cruz and other male Senators at impasse to get out of the pool at the very last minute to avoid the US defaulting on its debts.