Don’t point a finger when you can lend a hand – a repeat message

“Don’t point a finger when you can lend a hand.” Sounds profoundly simple doesn’t it? Yet, why is it such a underutilized approach? One of our friend’s father was good with his hands, but also had a big heart. Before he passed away, it was not uncommon for him and a group of handymen from his church to visit sites of hurricanes and help people repair and rebuild.

Even though you may not be a handy person yourself, volunteering to help means a great deal to the community, but also yourself. Probably the most exhausted I have ever been is when a work group from my company helped build a Habitat for Humanity house. I was so tired, this right-handed person was hammering up the insulation with his left hand at the end of the day. But, I also felt very rewarded in doing something good.

Yet, you do not need to have carpentry tools in your hands to help others. Use your skills, experiences and contacts to help others. Help people with their resumes, prepare for interviews or presentations, or dress to impress with your donated clothes. Or, better yet, help them with contacts to companies that could help them network or get hired. As someone who has helped homeless families, a key stumbling block is these families have exhausted their networks or their circle of friends and family are in a similar situation

One of the key skill sets the licensed social workers (at the agency I volunteered with) taught their clients is how to budget. What is a need versus a want? And, sometimes they did this with tough, but empathetic love. I recall the story of one woman laying her head down on her dining room table to cry as the bills piled up. The social worker said I know it is tough, but we must go through them and figure out what and how much we can pay and who we need to call for more time.

A minister named Bob Lupton who lives with his family among the folks he helps wrote a great book called “Toxic Charity.” We were so impressed by the book, we invited him to speak to volunteer groups here. His main message is don’t do for someone what they can do for themselves. True charity should be reserved for emergency. We should help people climb a ladder, but they need to climb it. Those Habit for Humanity recipients had to first put in sweat equity on other houses before they could work on their own house.

One of the things Lupton said is also telling. In your churches, business groups and organizations, sits an abundance of skill sets. Encourage these folks to offer those skills to help others. Maybe they could help someone start a business, maybe they could help teach or nurture a talent like baking, cooking, carpentry, or computer skills or maybe they could help look after children while the parents go to some night classes to get a GED or achieve a community college degree.

The key is there is little use to point a finger to blame people for their situation. Maybe they did make some bad decisions that greased the skids for their problem. Maybe they trusted the wrong guy and he was abusive or stole from her. Maybe they were not strong enough to say no to bad things. Maybe they had to forego car repairs and it broke down. Maybe they lost one of two jobs. Maybe they were too passionate in the moment and did not insist on using birth control.

In the group I helped, 1/3 of the homeless working families we helped were homeless due to domestic violence. These families lost half their income, their home and were beaten by an abusive person. The level of PTSD in these families is as high or higher than that of a combat veteran. Not knowing where your next meal will come from or seeing your mother battered and embarrassed is a hard pill to swallow.

We all make bad decisions. We all find ourselves in circumstances where we wonder how it got to this point. But, many of us have better support groups that will help us through. I am reminded of the line from the Madonna song “Papa don’t preach, I’m in trouble,” where the daughter asks for help and gets it after she screwed up.

So, don’t point a finger when you can lend a hand. We have all needed one from time to time. Happy holidays all.

About that insurrection thing

Per ABC News on January 5, 2024:

“In the three years since the Jan. 6, 2021,assault on the U.S. Capitol, federal prosecutors have charged more than 1,265 defendants across nearly all 50 states and D.C. and secured sentences of incarceration for more than 460 people, according to newly released numbers from the U.S. Attorney’s Office in D.C.”

Further, 718 people have pled guilty, some of which are likely included in the 460 incarcerated folks.

But, of course, MAGA fans say the former president did nothing wrong. These fans still believe what his Attorney General William Barr called “bulls**t” to his face regarding the former president’s claims of election fraud.

Three things are certain:

-the former president has had ample opportunity to prove his claims of election fraud, but has failed miserably losing EVERY recount, audit and review and all but one of about 65 court cases.

-Fox News has settled two of their five court cases on defamation where internal emails show that many at the network knew the former president could not prove his claims, but aired them as fact, gaslighting their public. So far, Fox is out approximately $1.1 billion in restitution to those they defamed (and counting).

-Two months before the 2020 election, I read an article saying the former president had already hired over 1,000 attorneys to contest the election and also put someone in charge of the USPS to hobble the mail-in process knowing most of those ballots would be against him.

These three stories are all true. The following is speculation. The insurrection would not have happened if an accountable and responsible person was in the White House. The former president caused the circumstances, invited would be insurrectionists to DC, wound them up, then sicced them on the Capitol building telling them to “hang Mike Pence.” Per Cassidy Hutchinson’s book “Enough,” he also had metal detectors removed when he spoke to the crowd beforehand, so they stormed off to the Capitol possibly armed.

Former Republican Vice President Dick Cheney called the former president a “coward” for lying to people about the election fraud. Cheney says the former president knows he lost the election and lost big. I agree. In my view, he is also a traitor. Call me crazy, but we should not elect someone who betrayed our country. As his niece Mary Trump said “My uncle will burn it all down to avoid losing the election.” We should avoid giving him more matches.

Both Sides Now – a repeat tribute to a worthy and universal song

Ladies and gentlemen, once again, Joni Mitchell.

From where I sit, one of America’s greatest songwriters is Joni Mitchell. Perhaps my favorite song of hers is “Both Sides Now.” Ironically, it was popularized by Suite Judy Blue Eyes herself, Judy Collins. I also enjoy Neil Diamond’s version with his deeper voice, but Judy’s version is the one most folks know. First, let’s take a peek at the lyrics:

Bows and flows of angel hair
And ice cream castles in the air
And feather canyons everywhere
I’ve looked at clouds that way

But now they only block the sun
They rain and snow on everyone
So many things I would have done
But clouds got in my way

I’ve looked at clouds from both sides now
From up and down, and still somehow
It’s cloud illusions I recall
I really don’t know clouds at all

Moons and Junes and Ferris wheels
The dizzy dancing way you feel
As every fairy tale comes real
I’ve looked at love that way

But now it’s just another show
You leave ’em laughing when you go
And if you care, don’t let them know
Don’t give yourself away

I’ve looked at love from both sides now
From give and take, and still somehow
It’s love’s illusions I recall
I really don’t know love at all

Tears and fears and feeling proud
To say “I love you” right out loud
Dreams and schemes and circus crowds
I’ve looked at life that way

Oh but now old friends are acting strange
They shake their heads, they say I’ve changed
Well something’s lost but something’s gained
In living every day

I’ve looked at life from both sides now
From WIN and LOSE and still somehow
It’s life’s illusions I recall
I really don’t know life at all

I’ve looked at life from both sides now
From up and down and still somehow
It’s life’s illusions I recall
I really don’t know life at all

In addition to melancholic and reflective nature of the song, “Both Sides Now” resonates with me as it makes you think of issues, events and people from different perspectives. How we view things is based on our history of experiences. A line from the Heart song “Straight on for You” would reinforce this “what the winner don’t know the gambler understands.”

Mitchell starts with clouds as we lie on our backs and reflect. I find this a clever metaphor. Yet, what you see in the clouds can and will change. Not to mention when you ask someone else what he or she sees, you are likely to get a different answer. So, we really don’t know clouds at all, as what can be seen varies, even with the same observer.

But, the same holds true for love and life, as well. In the US, about half the people who get married, eventually get divorced. Once the passion abates from its peak, people have a different set of experiences and perspectives. As an old fart who has been married for thirty-eight years, it is important that you like your spouse, as well as love her or him. If you don’t, then your marriage will have some challenges. So, we all have viewed love from both sides now.

This goes hand-in-hand with life, as well. Think back on how many opinions of yours have changed over the years. Think back on who you thought were true friends, who you do not involve yourself with anymore. Think back on how it was to struggle with a budget and how it is far easier to make ends meet when you have some money. With the number of people who have been exposed to the precipice of poverty or who have fallen over the cliff, many never imagined that this could happen to them. Your perspective changes when you have to stand in a line to collect unemployment benefits or go on food stamps.

I was thinking about this song after I read the post by Emily January on “Zenzele: a letter for my daughter,” especially when she speaks of the two men you will meet – the one you will be madly in love with and the one who will be your rock to live with day-in and day-out. I also believe my love for this song is a reason why I enjoy Malcolm Gladwell’s books. He describes himself as an outsider based on how he looked and who his parents were, a multi-racial couple (one from Jamaica and one from England) growing up in Toronto. So, he has an uncanny ability to see things from both sides or at least two perspectives. He is constantly challenging normative thoughts and beliefs as he can see things from an outside in perspective.

Joni, as per usual, you got it right. Your song stands the test of time due to the underlying truth in the lyrics. Thanks for setting your wonderful scripted words to such a beautiful melody.

Florida governor signs a very short-sighted and mean-spirited law

An article by Michael Sainato in The Guardian called “Florida workers brace for summer with no protections: ‘My body would tremble’” reveals just how low a governor can go. To combat an effort for workers to get some protections in the more tropical South Florida, the governor steps on them with a short-sighted and mean-spirited law.

The subtitle tells you all you need to know: “Effects of heat are expected to worsen after bill prohibiting municipalities from enacting shade and water protection is passed.” But, just to shine a spotlight on Governor Ron DeSantis, here are a few paragraphs.

“For Javier Torres and other workers whose jobs are conducted outdoors in south Florida, the heat is unavoidable. A new law recently signed by Ron DeSantis, Florida’s Republican governor, that prohibits any municipalities in the state from passing heat protections for workers ensures that it is likely to stay that way…

The effects of extreme heat on workers are only expected to worsen due to the climate crisis. Many parts of Florida experienced record heatlast year. Orlando hit 100F (37.7C) in August breaking a record set in 1938. The National Weather Service recently issued its outlook for summer 2024, predicting Florida summer temperatures will be warmer than normal.

‘The heat can be very intense, especially as we get closer to summer,’ added Torres. ‘What we want as workers who labor outdoors is to have water, shade and rest breaks to protect ourselves.’

At the behest of agricultural industry lobbyists, DeSantis signed HB433 into law on 11 April, a bill scaling back child labor protections that also included an amendment prohibiting all local municipalities in Florida from enacting heat protections for workers.”

Let me speak frankly. People will die because of this, if left unchanged. As an athlete who grew up in Florida, hydration is essential.* For someone who works outside, it is a matter of life and death. This is beyond the pale in dereliction of duty. DeSantis will never be accused of being a leader in my book , as a true leader cares for people. Yet, I did not think the limbo bar on mean-spiritedness could go this low.

*Note: I recall doing cross country running training each day after school in the late summer heat. Water breaks were provided, but on occasion I would wake up in the middle of the night with leg cramps from not enough hydration. And, that is only being outside a couple of hours. Try 8 – 10 hours of work in the hot sun.

Climate change -denial to doublespeak

The US Senate  is looking at a report that is meaningful per an article by Dharna Noor in The Guardian called “Big oil spent decades sowing doubt about fossil fuel dangers, experts testify.” The subtitle adds more concern: “US Senate hearing reviewed report showing sector’s shift from climate denial to ‘deception, disinformation and doublespeak.’”

The term “doublespeak” is of course borrowed from George Orwell’s “1984.” Here are the first few paragraphs:

”The fossil fuel industry spent decades sowing doubt about the dangers of burning oil and gas, experts and Democratic lawmakers testified on Capitol Hill on Wednesday.

The Senate budget committee held a hearing to review a report published on Tuesday with the House oversight and accountability committee that they said demonstrates the sector’s shift from explicit climate denial to a more sophisticated strategy of ‘deception, disinformation and doublespeak.’

‘Time and again, the biggest oil and gas corporations say one thing for the purposes of public consumption but do something completely different to protect their profits,’ Jamie Raskin, the ranking Democrat on the House oversight committee, testified. ‘Company officials will admit the terrifying reality of their business model behind closed doors but say something entirely different, false and soothing to the public.’

The findings build on years of investigative reporting and scholarly research showing that the sector was for decades aware of the dangers of the climate crisis, yet hid that from the public.

In the absence of decisive government action to curb planet-warming emissions, the impacts of the climate crisis have gotten worse, committee Democrats said. Several senators said the industry should have to pay damages for fueling the crisis.”

I have long believed this assertion as the industry makes far too much money and has put money in the pockets of legislators to just remain silent. After waning for a few years, the efforts to deceive have been stepped as renewable energy advancements continue. We hear the focus on all the hiccups and challenges, but the continuing increase in market share on electricity production of the renewable energy is still an undertold story.

So, is the story that shareholders have voted management at several fossil fuel companies like Exxon, Occidental Petroleum, eg. must report on what they are doing about climate change intervention. When I hear pushback that the activist shareholder groups are forcing this, I chuckle as the fossil fuel industry is the most subsidized industry in history. It is a key reason they can afford to sponsor so many climate change denial websites to overwhelm the far fewer peer reviewed scientific websites.

I fully recognize change cannot turn on a dime. But, we must be even more active in demonstrative climate change interventions. Renewable energy is just one large component. But, more trees, more mangrove buffers next to the ocean, more kelp farms, more moving traffic patterns, less meat eating, etc. must be part of the equation.

I must add that a key reason I left the Republican Party in 2008-ish is the party’s stance on climate change denial. That was 16 years ago. And, it continues today. I am reminded of the lyric from “Cabaret” which says it all “money makes the world go around, the world go around, the world go around.” Money can fund a lot of things – even denial.

Oh, lord please don’t let me be misunderstood (once again, with feeling)

“Don’t Let be Misunderstood” is a song written by Bennie Benjamin, Horace Ott and Sol Marcus for the singer and pianist Nina Simone, who first recorded it in 1964. The song has been covered by many artists, most notably by The Animals, whose blues rock version of the song became a transatlantic hit in 1965. (Per Wikipedia). Cat Stevens does a meaningful interpretation as well, as he tempers the sound so the words seep through.

The song has an important message, but first here are the lyrics.

“People, do you understand me now,
If sometimes I feel a little mad
Don’t you know no one alive can
Always be an angel
When things go wrong I seem a little sad
But I’m just a soul whose intentions are good
Oh Lord, please don’t let me be misunderstood

You know sometimes, I’m so carefree
With a joy that’s hard to hide
Sometimes seems that all I have is worry
And then you’re bound to see my other side
But I’m just a soul whose intentions are good
Oh Lord, please don’t let me be misunderstood

If I seem edgy, I want you to know
That I never mean to take it out on you
Life has its problems and I get more
Than my share
But that’s one thing I never mean to do
I don’t mean it

People, don’t you know I’m only human
Don’t you know I have faults like any one
But sometimes I find myself alone regretting
Some little thing; some foolish thing
That I have done,
But I’m just a soul whose intentions are good
Oh Lord, please don’t let me be misunderstood

Don’t let me be misunderstood
I’m just someone whose intentions are good
Don’t let me be misunderstood,
Don’t let me be misunderstood”

My wife suggested I include this song in a post. She feels people are being misunderstood as others are not taking the time to listen. If we listen to each other, the context of a comment will finds its way in. Once you listen, you then have earned the right to be heard in return. A key part of the song is to start out with assuming the intentions are good. That may be giving too much credit, but if we listen first, we can ask better questions.

I have often written about Daryl Davis, an African-American man who has convinced more than 200 white men to leave the Ku Klux Klan. He said he did it by listening. Then, he would ask a few questions and listen some more. He observed that people, even with strong opinions he disagreed with, just want to be heard. By listening, he would ask probing, thoughtful questions that made the person think.

I truly admire this man, his courage and his approach. If we emulate him, we can have better conversations. Using his approach, we can find some common ground. And that is more than a good start.

Is this how I would want my daughter treated?

The title of this post should be a basic question we men should ask of ourselves when we see or hear folks denigrating or acting out against women. If the answer is no, then we men should speak out. Or, you could substitute wife, girlfriend, mother or granddaughter if more appropriate.

Would you want your daughter to be denied a chance to speak at a meeting because an overbearing man would not let her?

Would you want your daughter to be physically touched, groped, stared at or propositioned by a more senior male colleague?

Would you want your daughter to be pressured by a scheduling manager for sex in a trade off for a good schedule?

Would you want your daughter be paid less than a man she is more qualified than working the same job?

Would you want your daughter to be restricted from making health care decisions about her own body?

Would you want your daughter to be sexually assaulted on a college campus, in the military, or work? Would you want her claims to not be believed or her treated like she asked to be raped?

Would you want your daughter to be pulled into a life of sex trafficking?

Would you vote for candidates who want to restrict the rights of your daughter?

Advocate for women. Vote for those who will protect and honor the rights of women. Remember this Chinese proverb – women hold up half the sky. It is wrong to treat women as less citizens than men, but it is also unwise to limit the opportunities of half of our talent in a very competitive world.

Kicking kids off healthcare could be called bullying

A headline from The Guardian for an article by Richard Luscombe speaks volumes – “Florida ‘callously’ strips healthcare from thousands of children despite new law.” The subheadline puts the blame squarely on the shoulders of where it belongs – “Governor Ron DeSantis’s challenging of a ‘continuous eligibility’ rule has booted over 22,000 children off insurance since January.”

In essence, the mean-spirited actions of the failed presidential candidate is due to his challenge of a federal boost to the Children’s Healthcare Insurance Plan. The governor has challenged this law, but instead of waiting for a ruling, he decided to kick kids out.

I find it interesting that the governor is more concerned with the books available to kids to read than their health. A kid may be struggling with a flu bug, but at least they’re not reading “Huckleberry Finn.”

It should be noted, the governor has been on my radar screen before he became governor. In Congress, he tended to grandstand more than govern. He was not unlike Marjorie Taylor Greene is now. Yet, he parlayed his actions into becoming governor running against a less-than-stellar opponent. Fortunately, the Republican Party saw him for what he was – a meaner version of the former president – and sent him packing.

Kicking kids off healthcare is not a good strategy. One could even say it is the actions of a bullying nature.

What is believed by too many…and that is not good

I see too many emails from unapologetic MAGA fans. It makes me shake my head with the zeal of their support. As a former Republican of twenty-five plus years, Democrat of five years and now independent voter of sixteen plus years, it is sad to see what the Republican Party has become. This cult-like party is truly on a self-destruct mission. When a group mindset is:

Trump has done nothing wrong,

Trump won the 2020 election and it was stolen from him,

Teaching the good, the bad and the ugly about our country is bad; we must teach a jingoistic message instead,

We must retrench from the rest of the world,

We must cut environmental regulations and ignore climate change as it is a hoax,

Women must not use birth control and carry all pregnancies to delivery, and

Autocratic leadership would be acceptable,

there is something wrong. If people would pay attention to what these folks are truly saying, then they would run from them. Let’s start with what Republican Vice President Dick Cheney said about Donald Trump – Trump is a coward for telling lies to his public. He knows he lost and he lost big.

Or maybe we should listen to what his attorney and fixer Michael Cohen said under oath to Congress, “Donald Trump is a racist, he is a con-artist and he is a cheat.”

Or maybe we should look at a few historical points before people put him on a pedestal. He inherited an economy in its 91st consecutive month of economic growth, the third longest in US history – he did not start the ball rolling. He focused first on repealing healthcare for about twenty million Americans and impacting required minimums for 160 million more in employer plans until Senator John McCain gave the effort a thumbs-down. His travel ban roll out was so botched, it was pulled after two days as he forgot to vet it with the people who would implement it. Then there is his pandemic fumbling which led to more American deaths than should have occurred.

Of course, Trump has done many things wrong. He is the one to blame and it is time his spineless sycophants start calling him out on it. Accountability and responsibility are not top of mind words to describe Trump. Neither are competence or truthfulness. So says this independent and former member of both parties.

A Call to Action – a repeat plea by Jimmy Carter for the standing of women

I posted a repeat of this post last year after Rosalynn Carter, the wife and life partner of former president Jimmy Carter was laid to rest. She spent decades advocating for mental health issues. Her husband respected and advocated the equality of women and often advocated for them in print and speeches. With the attack on the rights of US women today, the importance of Jimmy Carter’s words remains. 

I have written before about the book “Half the Sky” by Nicholas Kristoff and Sheryl WuDunn about the global maltreatment of women and girls. This difficult read speaks of how women and girls are treated as second class citizens or even possession in many parts of the world. Not only is that wrong in principle, it is foolish as countries are competing in a world with only half its assets.

An additional book worth reading on this subject is penned by former president Jimmy Carter called “A Call to Action.” It leverages further the work of Kristof and WuDunn, but brings the arguments home to America as well as speaking to the global problem.

While we are still only beginning to give notoriety to sexual abuse in the US military and on our college campuses after long ignoring the problems, while we are finally highlighting the impact and prevalence of domestic violence toward women that occurs in our society, we are still largely unaware that we have a non-inconsequential sex trafficking industry within America. We have sex slaves being brought in from other countries in addition to the women stolen from within our own communities.

I have read Carter’s book as well and find his arguments and anecdotes compelling. It is also a difficult, but must read. Carter has been one of the best ex-Presidents we have ever had. He has done more good for humanitarian causes and his voice is a powerful one and full of substance. We should heed his, Kristof and WuDunn’s messages and begin to better address the maltreatment of women.

And, since Carter is one of the more learned people about the Christian bible having taught Sunday school for many decades, he offers many good examples of how religious text can be taken out of context to diminish women. This is not restricted to the bible as other religious texts have been similar misapplied. It is obvious from the reading Carter is offended by such, as he sees the role of women in the church as a key. My family was no different, as my mother was the religious leader in the family who got us up and to church for both Sunday school and the service.

Our world and country need stronger positioning of women. I am delighted to see more women running for office in the US. At long last, the US has a female Vice-President. And, what I am also witnessing is the more courageous politicians are not necessarily the men. The example of Liz Cheney is a good one as she stood her ground in the eyes of death threats from people in her own party. I will never forget ten female Senators in 2013 told Ted Cruz and other male Senators at impasse to get out of the pool at the very last minute to avoid the US defaulting on its debts.