Family reunions bring out the old stories

My wife, sister and I met my brother at a large family reunion this weekend. The annual gathering is of descendents of my mother’s maternal grandparents who had eleven of their fourteen children survive to adulthood. This is the first time we have gone in many years and is the first one after my mother passed. To top it off, the three of us stopped at the home of family friends who went to college with my parents.

The old stories were wonderful to hear, many which were new to our ears. Here are a few highlights beginning with a couple we shared about our grandparents.

– My grandmother worked for a retail store overseeing the men’s and boy’s departments. When the CEO of the company visited, he was given a tour by the store manager for whom my grandmother worked for years. The CEO borrowed her pen and then put it in his pocket. She said “Sir, that is my pen; my boss is too cheap to buy us any pens. So, if you want any sales, you may want to give it back.”

– My step-grandfather would take us fishing leaving around 5 am. My Great Uncle would follow my grandfather’s truck and boat trailer with his. One morning my grandfather had to stop suddenly and my Uncle smashed into and crumpled my grandfather’s boat – we still fished, but had to rent a boat.

– One of the second cousins (the family was so large, the older children’s grandchildren were contemporaries of the younger children’s children) told a story about listening under the porch while her mother, grandmother and great grandmother sewed on the porch – it was too hot to be inside, so she heard all the gossip. Later, she said she helped them with the foot pedals as the sewers were too feeble to manually spin the bobbins of the old sewing machines.

– One of my mother’s cousins confirmed a story that my mother shared as her memory was fading. The cousin shared that she and another cousin hid in the backseat of the car in which my father and mother drove off to their honeymoon from the wedding reception. After a couple of miles the two culprits surprised the young newlyweds and they had to drive them back. As I told the confirmed story to my table, the wife of another cousin shared that she sang at my parent’s wedding. She recalled singing “Whither thou goest.”

– I confirmed with a couple of my mother’s cousins, that her younger sister was similar to Scout in “To Kill a Mockingbird,” taking up for my mother when she was slighted. She was deemed a tad bossy at that age, but would give you the shirt off her back to help. Ironically, she was small in stature, but married a man who was 6’7″ making the oddest of pairs.

– The best reunion story relayed a piece of advice from the lone childless couple to his niece who shared it with us. He said don’t put everything off; go out and live. He lamented they have money and time as  retirees, but cannot travel. So, the niece said each time they felt they were saving too much for later, they remembered these words and went on a trip. This was voted the best story.

– My grandmother’s younger brother liked to do gymnastics. When a boy, he fell snd knocked out his two fronf teeth. Their mother, who was like a local nurse, sat him down and soaked a towel iin boiling water.  She let it cool a little and told him ti put that in his mouth as hot as he could stand it and his gums swelled. She then shoved his cleaned up teeth into the swollen gums and they held the teeth. To have that presence of mind is amazing.

– At the later gathering with my parents’ college friends, who we have known for years, they shared how hard they had to work at their college work study program. The two guys worked on a sawmill crew, where they took down trees for several days a week, loaded and trucked them back to the mill the next few days, then sawed them up later in the week. The women worked in the cafeteria, laundry and sewing areas. The work was hard, but it was the only way they could afford college.

I hope you enjoyed these vignettes. What are some of your memories of your older relatives?

Note: Looking over a photo of ten of the siblings, one of the cousins noted the older female siblings were much more conservative in dress, pointing to the closed toed and shorter heels. The younger female siblings had more stylish clothes along with open-toed and higher heels.

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Melania Trump, thank you for the invitation, but no thanks

Yesterday, I received a letter from First Lady Melania Trump and the Republican National Committee asking for donations for her husband’s campaign. The letter espoused all of the good things which have occurred under the president and all the bad that would happen should he not win in 2020. Since a pre-addressed envelope was enclosed, I sent the following letter.

August 14, 2019

Republican National Committee
c/o Melania Trump
PO Box 96994
Washington, DC 20090-6994

Dear Ms. Trump,

Thank you for your service to your country. I received your invitation to support your husband’s campaign for 2020 and I must respectfully decline. As an Independent and former Republican voter, I must confess I see your husband’s presidency differently from what you noted in the letter.

While I am pleased the economic growth that was almost eight years strong has continued under his presidency, we are at least dialoguing with North Korea and a bipartisan law was passed to push prison and sentencing reform, I am concerned with several other policy positions and his overall behavior as president.

On the policy side, I am very concerned with the our building debt and the US decision to pull out of the Paris Climate Change Accord as well as unwinding several regulations that make it easier for companies to degrade our environment. I am also concerned with treating our allies and trading partners so poorly. We are retrenching from our leadership position and we are less trusted by other world leaders. That is unfortunate as we are diminishing a major strength of our country. We cannot shrink to greatness.

On the behavior side, it is frustrating that our president consistently dishonors the office he holds. Our president must be one of our better angels, not our worst. We need our president to be truthful and not denigrate and bully people who disagree with his positions. And, we must not have our president spouting racist and xenophobic comments. Country leaders from Sweden, UK, Ireland, Scotland, Germany, New Zealand , eg condemned his recent remarks.

Please encourage your husband to become the leader we need him to be. Right now, he is just a person occupying a leadership position. We need more from him than that. If he is not prepared to make such changes, I would ask the Republican Party to find a replacement candidate. I am concerned for our democracy and our planet. It frightens me to have to say these words.

Please forgive my candor. You are the best thing he has going for him, so maybe you can encourage some change. Thank you again for your service and doing your best to bring honor to the First Lady role.

Keith Wilson
Charlotte, Independent Voter

 

Welcome back – John Sebastian

On Friday, my wife and I had a real treat as we watched John Sebastian perform in a wonderful venue. If his name is not top of mind, he was the lead singer and songwriter for Lovin’ Spoonful. And, one of his hits following the band’s break-up was called “Welcome back.” More on that later.

What made Sebastian’s performance so wonderful extended beyond his many great songs. He told us the backstory behind each song, at times revealing the musical influences, referring to his use of other styles as his “kleptomania.”

And, while his 75 year-old voice was not as velvety as before, his guitar playing was surprisingly superb. He exhibited various styles ranging from Mississippi John Hurt to several folk musicians to a Martha and the Vandellas song and a specific guitar riff called the St. Louis shuffle.

Sebastian performed many of his hits, as well as some of those artists who influenced him. Of his hits, he played (a little vignette he shared is in parentheses) the following:

– Do you believe in magic? (he sped up the notes in Dancin’ in the Street”)

– Daydream (this is one of my favorites and he invited the audience to accentuate it)

– You didn’t have to be so nice (Steve Boone wrote the bass line and Sebastian took it from there saying it took 15 minutes to complete it as Boone did far more than a bass line)

– Summer in the City (he said they played the drum part in the stairwell for a unique sound)

– Darling be home soon (this is a classic love song which was terrific in the small venue)

– Did you ever have to make up your mind? (he wrote the lyrics on a Lucky Strike wrapper in a taxi on the way to record it)

– You’re a big boy now (theme song for a Frances Ford Coppola movie)

– Amy’s Theme (an instrumental he thought up in a Grand Central Station restroom, then forgot it and went back to recall the tune)

– She’s a lady (not the Tom Jones’ one)

– Welcome back (he wrote it overnight to the surprise of the “Welcome back Kotter” TV producers, saying he was one of those students portrayed on the show)

Here is a taste of two song lyrics with the title of each in the first line:

“My darling be home soon
I couldn’t bear to wait an extra minute if you dawdled
My darling be home soon
It’s not just these few hours but I’ve been waiting since I toddled
For the great relief of having you to talk to”

“Welcome back, your dreams were your ticket out
Welcome back, to that same old place that you laughed about”

Please do visit or revisit his many songs. Whether they are along with his Spoonful mates – Boone, Zal Yanovsky, Joe Butler and Jerry Yester – or on his own, they are a treat.

Mom would have been 88

Today is my mother’s birthday. She would have been 88 years old. Mom left us early Christmas morning in 2016. She was a Christian woman, grade school teacher and bible study fellowship leader. So, dying on Christmas seems fitting.

Maybe not ironically, my wife’s Mom died around Christmas a few years before. She was a converted Catholic. My wife says that made her extra devout. As a result, she grew up around the church, as did my family.

Mom would push us out of bed to go to Sunday school. For a kid, more school was not mission critical. But, off we went. And, like regular school, we had the same kids in your class year after year. The church service was actually the denouement, so we could relax some.

Mom loved teaching, so seeing her embrace BSF (bible study fellowship) was not a stretch. In college, she studied Education and Home Economics. The latter helped her raise three kids on a limited budget. Meals were planned around Dad’s paycheck every two weeks. She left teaching for a few years, then went back to first substituting, then full-time teaching after we kids got older.

She met my father in college and they were married for 55 years before he died in 2006, She had a good sense of humor and we treasured hearing them laugh. She was seemingly at every ball game, recital or school event that we three children had.

Mom was one of those “lights” in the community the first President Bush spoke of. She took care of people, arranged many a church food outreach when someone passed away, and was a good friend. One of her best friends died in her fifties and she survived both of her sisters and, of course, her parents. Plus, her mother had osteoporosis, so Mom frequented her often.

Her mind was betraying her with Alzheimers when she died at age 84. The only saving grace is she still knew her children and grandchildren were on her team when she died, even though she could not introduce us. Yet, she could sing every lyric to spngs performed at her Memory Unit at the long term care facility. She loved singing aa she was in a “double trio” as she called it while in college.

In our loft area where my laptop sits, is a picture of Mom in the middle of her three kids and my wife. It was taken about a month before she died  in front of a favorite restaurant. She is beaming with a broad smile as she hugged us surrounded by her family.

Mom, we love you and miss you. My wife and i used to call her about 3 or 4 times a week, so I occasionally think of the need to call her. I think that sums it up.

Dog whistle racism

My wife suggested that when I use the term dog whistle racism it may not resonate with everyone. In short, it means implying racism without resorting to actual racist words.

“Send her back” is a prime example as countless minority groups of all colors have been told to go back where you came from. Defenders of the president have said he did not say racist remarks, but they did not hear the dog whistle. His remarks were directed at four women of color with non-WASP like names.

Variations of this are “we don’t need your kind around here” or the more innocent version of “where are you from?” It also applies to athletics where black and brown athletes are not defined as “heady athletes” as white athletes are. Even a famous sportscaster said a black quarterback could not be successful because they had to read and react to complex coverages implying blacks could not do so. Times have indeed changed.

Alabama Governor George Wallace was not the forerunner of racism in politics, but he was the face of white supremacy as he stood in the doorway trying to deny entry to young black students. He used dog whistle racism as well as the old fashioned racist rhetoric when he ran for president following the various civil rights movements.

He did not win, but Richard Nixon did using a southern strategy that reeked of dog whistle racism. His purpose was to take advantage of what LBJ feared. LBJ predicted the Democrats would lose the south following his push for the civil and voting rights laws. Ironically, these laws were passed with the help of several Republicans, but that did not matter. Nixon and his strategist Lee Atwater made sure of that.

Scrolling forward, Senator Jesse Helms routinely used dog whistle racism to get elected. But, one of his tougher races was against Harvey Gantt, the first black mayor of Charlotte and first black student at Clemson University. Helms ran commercials that implied racism, one in particular focusing on a pair of black hands as a negative message was spoken.

Dog whistle racism uses code words to imply inferiority or difference. Trump’s attacking four elected women of color denouncing their right to criticize our country is flat wrong. His using more code words to attack Congressman Elijah Cummings also is racist with references to rat infested areas. It should be noted the president had to settle two court cases over discriminatiory rental practices.

Dog whistle or not, we cannot condone and must condemn the president for his racist and xenophobic remarks. Racism is a part of our history, but it represents the worst of our nature. We must guard against it, especially when it comes out of the president’s mouth. We need to hold up our better angels.

Around the world on the small screen

My wife and I enjoy watching TV shows that tend to have more dialogue and plot, so we spend a lot of time watching shows produced outside of the US. This is not to say there are not good shows produced here as we watch several. But when these foreign shows are aired on PBS, they are sans commercials and can be focused on. You may not care for these or have not given them a try, so here is a taste of a few.

800 Words – is an Australian produced show about a unique coastal town in New Zealand called Weld, a made up name. In short, a columnist father moves his two teen children from Sydney after his wife dies suddenly, to a town called Weld he visited as a child. The town is replete with unique people and he captures this on a column he writes online called “800 Words.” It is not unlike “Northern Exposure” made in the US a few years ago.

A Place to Call Home – is another Australia based series which follows the travails of one family whose widowed head of household falls for a Jewish woman. The show is set in the 1950s, so there are lingering biases toward some Italian descendents as well as recurring prejudice toward this woman. There is enough machinations going on to keep people interested, with a power hungry women trying to upset everything and the head of household’s mother who has the best part to play.

Two other Australian shows which we have enjoyed are Doctor Blake Mysteries and Miss Fisher’s Murder Mysteries. The former is about a forensic doctor who had been in special forces during the second world war, while the latter is about an avant garde woman in the 1920s who is a clever mystery solver. It also has one of the best theme songs around.

From the UK, we have several we watch and none are Downtown Abbey, which we have seen a few of, but caught on too late.

Endeavour – is a police detective series set in the late 1960s and 70s. It focuses on the camaraderie of an older and younger detective team (Inspectors Thursday and Morse), but there is a close knit team that abets their efforts. The shows are 90 minutes long, so require a little more investment of time.

Call the Midwife  it started out tracing the diaries of a midwife in England from the late 1950s over four years, but has continued well beyond into the 1960s. The issues, the attire, the lower middle class and poverty are all well researched and presented. They covered the Thalidomide babies who were born with severe deformities, abortion, unwed mothers, rape, disease, and environmental toxins.

Other shows we enjoy are Father Brown, about a crime solving Catholic priest and Grantchester, about the friendship of a Church of England vicar and police officer who solve crimes together. Both are set in different time periods which add to the nostalgia. We also watch Midsomer Murders and Doc Martin. 

A limited series show from the UK is called “Unforgotten,” is about a team that digs into old cases when a body is discovered years later. It is very somber, but well done, as the detectives have their own problems as they explore those of others.

Finally, a Canadian show is of interet called “Burden of Proof.” It features the relationship between a very capable, but disillusioned attorney who left her father’s firm and a small town attorney who continues to surprise her with his capabilities and due diligence.

Let me know what you think. Do you like these? Do you have others you prefer?

Medical errors are a problem – here are some thoughts on how to reduce them

Earlier this week, a US health news piece entitled “In a review of 337,000 patient cases, this was the no 1 most common preventative medical error” by Meera Jagannathan was made available on msn.com. This article echoes the findings of two pieces I have referenced previously, the first, a book called “Internal Bleeding: the truth behind American medicine’s terrible epidemic of medical mistakes,” written in 2004 by two internists Dr. Robert Wachter and Dr. Kaveh Shojania. The second was the Leapfrog Study which looked at deaths caused by medical errors toward the turn of the century. A link to the recent article is below.

The article reveals the results of four medical studies that analyzed medical death rates from 2000 – 2008. Of the just over 251,000 medical deaths, 9.5% of the deaths could be attributed to medical error. In other words, 1 out of 10 deaths could have been avoided as they resulted from a medical error.

The article focuses on nine things that should be done to reduce medical mistakes. I will just list them, but please click on the article link below.

  1. Make sure you fully understand the procedure and why it is necessary.
  2. Brief the doctors on your allergies, health conditions and medicines.
  3. Don’t assume every provider has access to your records.
  4. Bring a friend or family member if the patient is not good with asking questions about what is happening.
  5. Keep close track of your medicines and results.
  6. Make sure the doctors and nurses wash their hands.
  7. Research wisely.
  8. Don’t be afraid to speak.
  9.  Ask providers what they are doing to prevent  mistakes.

The Leapfrog study noted three things to reduce deaths due to medical errors.

  1. Have complex surgeries performed in centers of excellence where they have done multiple hundreds or thousands of the procedure.
  2. While dated, poor handwriting of prescriptions or instructions caused mistakes. Most hospitals now have electronic orders, but be sure you understand what is being asked or prescribed.
  3. Make sure there are doctors on site and not just residents in intensive care units.

I wrote earlier about the book “Internal Bleeding,” so I provided a link below. Reviewing that summary and comparing to the above, here are a few more thoughts from that post as well as a few others thrown in.

  • write a summary of your and your family medical history
  • write down what your symptoms are – people see the white coat and forget.
  • if you are not sick or injured, the hospital is the last place you should be; some hospitals incent ER doctors to admit patients; ask questions about this.
  • know your environment; if you have bladder or some other cancer it may be environmental not familial. Bladder cancer is a bellweather environmental caused cancer.
  • ask for other pain medications beside opioids; they should be only used for severe pain and for short durations.
  • introduce yourself to all providers; make sure they know who you are.
  • Complete the prescription regimen and don’t stop when you are feeling better.

Medical professionals do not want medical errors either. So, help them help you. And, if you have trouble advocating for yourself, take a trusted person with you.

https://www.msn.com/en-us/health/health-news/in-a-review-of-337000-patient-cases-this-was-the-no-1-most-common-preventable-medical-error/ar-AAEGPVF?ocid=spartandhp

https://musingsofanoldfart.wordpress.com/2012/07/28/internal-bleeding-be-your-own-health-care-advocate/