What is this BS about women not deserving a career?

There is a movement in some evangelical circles that has been picked up as a rallying cry. Women should aspire to being mothers and let a career be secondary. Let me first set aside this narrow-minded view in that many women and families don’t have an either/ or choice. The female spouse has to work and be a mother.

I have even heard some evangelical bent radio hosts note that it is an assault on masculinity for a wife to work. Of course, it is not. Relationships and marriage are hard work. Whatever combination of genders form the relationship, the people need to work together to earn family income and raise a family.

Single parents don’t have that choice. Half of marriages fail (go back to the hard work comment). Some mothers acted rashly in the heat of passion without birth control and are left with a child, but an absent sire. I read and hear often that parenting is easier with two parents. That is often true but assumes both parents are up to the challenge. In a homeless working family agency I helped with 1/3 of our single mothers (and often the kids) were victims of domestic violence.

But, back to the concept that women should aspire to being mothers first and foremost, the answer is they can do both and many have to do both. Those who think women are not up to the same challenges as men, here are four top of mind examples:

A female colleague of mine whom I shall call D is the best project manager I have ever worked with. D is a terrific organizer and delegator of work and juggled many balls while walking forward. D is loved by her clients.

A female colleague in New York whom I shall call R is the most knowledgeable consultant I have ever worked with on executive compensation for the financial industry. R has terrific customer service skills and adds a dose of candor to any relationship. Ironically, with a college degree, she had to start out as a Secretary back in the early 1970s.

Two of the best client managers in my old company were women, one in Dallas and one in New York. They were tasked with growing relationships with large clients and did it well. Not ironically, they worked hard and were tough task masters expecting the same level of commitment. Of course, they were called the B word, but they could outdo any man in the role.

If men feel threatened by successful, multi-tasking women, that has more to do with them than women. Being an adult man (or woman) has more to do with accountability and responsibility. It has more to do with being a good partner in a relationship to make it thrive. A lesson I learned a long time ago, the best thing a father (or mother) can do is love their partner. This recurring act will offer a great deal of security and comfort to kids.

So, to me this one or the other debate is just noise. In our practical world, you do what you have to do to raise a family and keep them housed, closed and fed.

You can never have enough cups of coffee with people

Happy Valentine’s Day. To honor the day, let’s invite a friend, acquaintance, colleague or even adversary for a cup of coffee. An old friend told me once “You can never have enough cups of coffee with people.”

Note, having coffee is a metaphor for getting together. When I was working, getting a cup of coffee was a smaller investment of time and expense than lunch. As a result, it is less threatening. Having to stand in line affords the opportunity to go Dutch and take care of your own cost. And, if one buys, it is not that expensive a gesture, so no one feels beholden.

So, invest a little time to catch up or get better acquainted. I am reminded of how the city of Charlotte broke down some racial barriers after the Woolworth sit-ins and Civil Rights Act. White and Black business and religious leaders went to lunch together. This made a huge statement.

Having a cup of Joe need not be groundbreaking. But, if you are having an email, text or social media tussle with someone, invite them for a cup of coffee.

Face to face in a one to one setting will grease the skids for better dialogue. Decaf works as well.

A man called Ove – a curmudgeon worth a deeper look

The title of bestselling author Fredrik Backman’s book “A man called Ove” or the reference to the subject may not be inviting, but give this book a chance. We all have curmudgeons in our lives and sometimes we may even channel our inner curmudgeon. But, why do some people act the way they do?

People Magazine opines on Ove, “You’ll laugh, you’ll cry, you’ll feel new sympathy for the curmudgeons in your life.” I agree.

Backman introduces Ove in real time, so you will start off with a full-frontal view of a curmudgeon. But, through changes in his daily life and a series of reveals as Ove remembers the good and bad in his life, you gain a new perspective on how he has evolved to be who he is. You will learn Ove has a tough outer shell, but different layers are buried beneath.

To avoid any spoilers, let me mention what is written on the back cover to invite you to read the book. Ove’s daily routine is disrupted when chatty new neighbors with two young daughters announce they have arrived one November morning by accidentally backing their U-Haul trailer over Ove’s mailbox.

Their interactions and related others take an ice-pick to Ove’s icy outer shell. The book is an easy read, but do give Ove a chance. Your initial reaction to Ove will be like everyone else’s whom the character meets in the book. So, bring your proverbial ice pick along. And, some tissue.

Don’t be difficult to work with

A lesson I have witnessed often is the more difficult you make it to work with you, people will find other resources. Challenging employees better be good at what they do or they may be shown the door or encouraged to leave. If a company makes it difficult to work with them, buyers from and sellers to the company, will seek other options.

Here are a few real examples:

– A company known for shopping for services annually eventually ran out of bidders because the cost of doing business became too high (one company would just throw their Request For Proposal in the trash can). Sellers and buyers who promote relationships have more fruitful long term experiences.

– When Master Service Agreements became commonplace, the attorneys in our headquarters were as difficult to work with as attorneys at some of our clients. We lost a $1 million sale on an idea we raised and the client loved because of our legal obstinance. The second bidder got the work on our idea. That hurt.

– An employee of ours could never be satisfied and complained often. After she complained in my office for the tenth time about how her last employer did better at something, I said to her “We are obviously not meeting your needs. You are doing good work, but why don’t you look elsewhere.” She did and left. What she did not know is we had a continual growth mindset, so we were always talking with people. Her replacement was one of the best project managers I ever worked and she was a very congenial person and eventually an effective manager.

– A fellow consultant had an arduous client who was always asking for added scope services, which he often refused to pay for. After many months of this, the client called our CEO to complain. My colleague pulled up three competing consultants contact information and provided them to this client. In essence, he fired the client. He said it was one of the best decisions he ever made.

A US farmer noted on PBS Newshour yesterday, we cannot just turn off the tariff spigot and start the pipeline again. His buyers have found other options. As a business person, I have noticed this president fails to appreciate what it takes to get things done. We have witnessed this repeatedly in rash mandates that have people (even his own) scurrying. That is poor leadership and worse management.

Do you have any examples?